Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/sdhotel/The_Kings

To The Undertaker:

"I couldn't warm up to you if we were cremated together."

To The Undertaker:

"This is the first time I ever interviewed an oil painting."

When asked about Vince McMahon's toupee on AOL:

"Yes he does, and a cheap one at that. The hair is falling out and
I asked him yesterday, 'How does it feel to be losing hair that

isn't even yours?'"

On AOL:

"He (Isaac Yankem) has volunteered, free of charge, to fit Helen
Hart with a modern set of dentures, so she can get rid of the

wooden ones that were given to her by Christopher Columbus."

Referring to Bull Nakano:

"She's got so much mousse in her hair, she's liable to sprout
antlers."

Referring to Alundra Blayze:

"I've heard of faces that could stop a clock. That face could stop
Switzerland."
Referring to Shawn Michaels:

"He's so scenic, they're thinking about making him a national
park."

Referring to Ted DiBiase:

"This guy has bookcases just for his bankbooks."

Referring to Mike Tyson's return:

"With that Tyson fight, the only thing that got wrapped in a
cocoon of horror was my cable bill."

Referring to Jerry Garcia's passing:

"First person he saw was Elvis Presley. And he said, 'Hey Elvis,
guess who you daughter married'."

Davey Boy Smith: He'd (Luger) go out and find the best partner
he could ever find in the World Wrestling Federation.

Jerry Lawler: Yeah, but I'm not available.

"I've never liked people that dress up in silly costumes."

"I've got more degrees than a thermometer."
"You've heard of buns of steel. I think Bertha Faye has got buns
of cinnamon."
"I asked Harvey what he would do if he came home one time and
found another man in the trailer with Bertha. He said he'd hit

him over the head with his white cane and throw him and his dog
out."

Referring to Bertha Faye:

"I thought if you knocked her down, she'd rock herself to sleep
trying to get up."

"I heard Stu, Bret's father, goes to the dentist twice a year. Once
for each tooth."

Referring to Razor Ramon:

"I'll bet every time he gets in his car, the oil light comes on."

To Vince McMahon:

"I didn't know Fruit Of The Loom made sports coats."

"If brains were sunshine, Razor would be a snowstorm."

To Vince McMahon:

"I knew Lee made press-on nails. I didn't know they made
press-on hair."

To Shawn Michaels:

"Being a 3-time Intercontinental champion doesn't make you a
great wrestler, just like Larry King having 9 wives don't make

him a great husband."

Referring to Henry Godwinn:

"He needs a sign in his mouth that says 'Next Tooth One Mile'."

"I used to love to go to school and drink from the fountain of
knowledge. You (McMahon) and Ross, you probably just

gargled it."

"I heard Razor Ramon went to a pretty tough high school. His
school newspaper had an obituary column."

To Jim Ross:

"I heard you were in school so long, the other kids started
bringing you apples."

Referring to Stu and Helen Hart:

"They never miss any big fights. They still got their ticket stubs
from the Christians Vs Goliath."

Referring to Marty Jannetty:

"The only thing harder than his muscles are his arteries."

Referring to Bill Clinton:

"The closest thing to a foreign policy he's ever come was he once
ate at an International House Of Pancakes."

To Ahmed Johnson:

"He (Dean Douglas) says that when you graduated from
kindergarten, you were so excited that you could hardly shave
without

cutting yourself."

Referring to Kyoko Inoue:

"She's the one that got the Beetles back together, right?"

Referring to Aja Kong:

"I used to think there was nothing uglier than a bowling shoe."

"Razor and Savio learned everything they know about football at
Penn. State. Excuse me, I meant state pen."

"If you get odor-eaters for Christmas, you might be from Bitters,
Arkansas."

"If your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it, you might be from
Bitters, Arkansas."

"If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night requires shoes
and a flashlight, you might be from Bitters, Arkansas."

"If your two-year old has more teeth than you do, you might be
from Bitters, Arkansas."

"I saw so many bowl games last week, McMahon, that at dinner
somebody passed me the turkey and I spiked it."

"What about the number one movie that's out in the nation right
now, starring Stu and Helen Hart's grandchildren. You ever

hear about it? It's called '12 Monkeys'."

To Vince McMahon:

"You know, if you were in the movies, you'd be a character actor.
When you show any character, you're acting."
To Ahmed Johnson:

"Dean Douglas told me that the toughest 4 years of your life was
the third grade."

"Who cares about Jim Ross, anyway? He'll never run for
president. All he'll run for is lunch."

Referring to Frank Sinatra:

"The last time I heard something sounded like him singing, it was
my cat being neutered."

"Well, I've heard it said, 'It's not how old you are, it's how young
you think'. Stu must really be thinking young, because I heard

he's back to wearing diapers again."

To Vince McMahon:

"The only present I'd give you is a going-away present. But you
gotta do your part first."

Referring to the hog pen at In Your House:

"Is that what I've been smelling? I thought your roll-on had rolled
off."

Referring to Ahmed Johnson:

"He used to hold his report card over his head trying to raise his
grades."

To Ahmed Johnson:

"I heard when you won your letter, you had to get your coach to
read it to you."

Referring to the Undertaker:

"The death of the party."

"You know why the kids are so unhappy in Fatu's neighborhood,
don't you? Even Santa Claus won't go into that

neighborhood after dark."

Referring to Henry Godwinn:

"This guy's teeth are so dirty, he could drink water and spit
Yoo-Hoo."

Lawler: You know, Lex Luger's mom is really smart. And really
strong too.

McMahon: Why's that?

Lawler: Well, from raising dumbbells like him.

"I heard that last Christmas when Bret hung up his stocking, all he
got was a note from the health department."

Lawler: There was only one thing that kept the Kid out of college.

McMahon: And what was that?

Lawler: High School.

Referring to Stu and Helen Hart:

"I wouldn't believe them if their tongues were notarized."

Referring to Razor Ramon:

"Somebody told me his doctor writes his prescriptions in spray
paint."

Referring to Paul Bearer:

"He looks like death warmed over...in a waffle iron."

Referring to the Psychic Hotline:

"I called it the other day and she told me she had seen a big
phone bill in my future."

"Bret still thinks 'Ol' Yeller' is a movie about Stu's tooth."

Referring to Bret Hart:

"I'm not prejudiced like that guy right there. I hate everybody
equally."

Referring to the Spanish announcers:

"They've got the perfect faces for radio."

Referring to Steve McMichael:

"Here's a guy who couldn't tell you what a silver dollar is made
of."

Referring to Sunny:

"She's as pretty as a picture...and quite a frame too."

Referring to Sunny:

"Good buns and a nice pair of...shoes too."

Referring to Sunny:

Lawler: She once asked me out, McMahon.

McMahon: She did, huh? Out to where?

Lawler: Well, I was in her room.

"Bob Backlund knows a thing or two about finishing maneuvers.
He sure knows how to finish up a career."

"...Bob 'Spark Plugg' Holly, who came in last in his last race
because he kept pulling into the pit asking for directions."

"Tonight on the 'King's Court' I am going to talk to Bret 'The
Hitman' Hart. You know. The guy with those Jurassic Park

parents. Look at Stu Hart, he is so old, I told him at act his age,
so he dropped dead. And Helen Hart, she was just born old.

When she was a teenager her acne had liver spots."

Asking Bret Hart about the 1993 King Of The Ring when Lawler
attacked Bret:

"Do you remember that or do you have so much oil on your head
that it slipped your mind."

(TL Hopper is on his way to the ring)

Lawler: What is that terrible smell?

McMahon: It's probably Betsy.

Lawler: Who?

McMahon: Betsy, TL Hoppers plunger.

Lawler: Oh, I thought that Betsy was the lady sitting behind us.

"Isaac Yankem is so tough, he could floss him teeth with barb
wire."

"Is that Paul Bearer's face, or did his butt grow a nose."

"Paul Barer has got more chins than a Chinese phone book."

"Stu Hart is so old, when he was in school, history was never
taught."

"C'mom McMahon. If someone kept telling how awesome, fast,
and how good your are, your head would get so big that your

toupee would not be able to fit on it."

(Mankind sometimes yanks his hair out and holds it up)

"

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Jabroni Dr. & Know Your Role Blvd.

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Page Updated Sat Mar 25, 2000 3:23pm EST