TERMS TO ADD TO YOUR OFFICE VOCABULARY:

ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people absorb success and     advancement by kissing up to the boss.

BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a     deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.


SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,     craps over everything and then leaves.


SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day     swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die in the end.


CHAINSAW CONSULTANT - An outside expert brought in to     reduce the Employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.



CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to     describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she     is within earshot is a serious CLM.



ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just     above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere     are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems     they were designed to solve.



OHNO-SECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which     you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.


PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the     crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.


CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.


IDEA HAMSTERS - People who always seem to have their idea     generators running.


MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to     the Couch Potato.


PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something     loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to     see what's going on.


SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children     and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands     for: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.


STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being     stressed out and whiny.


SWIPED OUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless     because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.


XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies     from one's workplace.


ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an
office or work group.


IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but
you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials, Ally McBeal, Monica Lewinsky, etc.


DEINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a Vice
President at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of a deinstalled vice president.


Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. (See also "Decruitment.")