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 INEFFECTIVE DAILY AFFIRMATIONS * I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. * I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. * I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed. * In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. * I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all. * I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. * The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things. * Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots. * Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears. * Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to incessant nagging? * Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so." * False hope is nicer than no hope at all. * A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem. * Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom. * Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute . . . I'll find someone. * I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at. * The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home. * To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
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