Spousal Abuse - Christian - http://maxpages.com/roses4christ/Spousal

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There comes a time when it doesn't really matter what someone has done to us. Holding on to it is hurting us not them. If we want to heal, we had best take our old "crap" and fertilize the roses.

I had many days of trouble stemming from emotional and physical abuse but the pain is gone now that I've recovered. The abuse was not my fault but resolving the problems that abuse had caused was my responsibility in order to fully recover - which I did, with the help of God who strengthened me.

I believed that it was up to me to make my marriage work. I was an expert at carrying the burden. My self-esteem was critically low and deep inside I didn't believe I deserved to be happy. Now I see my worth. Oh, I'm still working hard at becoming all I can be but this is an on going striving for even the non-abused.

I looked hard at my own life, both at what I felt good about and what made me uncomfortable or unhappy. Examined all the good and bad memories, the accomplishments, the times I was hurt and the times I did the hurting. There was a lot of hard work to wade through but it was all worth it - I'm set free from all the hurt and pain that kept me unmercifully bound.

I remind myself of the attempts I made to control my spouse: the endless speeches, the pleading, threats, bribes, all the avenues I tried that didn't work. And I remember how I felt after each failed attempt and how my self-esteem slipped another notch. I became more anxious, more helpless, more angry. What should have not been my problems began to look like my problems and somehow I became stuck with it - but not anymore - praise God!

Now I trust that what is happening in my life has it's own reasons and it's own results. God is in charge - not me, and I ask guidance in how to live my own life while I release others to live theirs. I let go of my self-will and I'm willing to hold still, be open and wait for guidance for myself. I couldn't do it without God's faithful help and love.

NOTE:
In no way am I saying marriages cannot be restored. With God all things are possible. It takes both husband and wife to get right with our awesome God before this can happen, though.

I was in an abusive marriage for twenty years. It didn't stand a chance and just continued to go from bad to worse. I had to leave and get a divorce or someone would have ended up in the morgue. Being a Christian woman, I wanted to live a Godly life but my husband didn't. In time and by the help of God I forgave him - he is the father of my children and there is a part of me that will always love him. I believe that love never completely dies.

My advise to you if you are in an abusive relationship, is for the both of you to accept Jesus as your personal Savior and then get to your knees and ask for His help and guidance. He will be there for you every step of the way. Without Him your marriage will never stand a chance of surviving.

I hope in the near future I can gather enough material together concerning the abusers to help them find God and overcome the abusive manner in which they choose to live, so they will have a chance to rebuild their lives. I'm searching the web now trying to find links to place on this spousal abuse page to help accomplish this.

BATTERY BEHAVIOURS
Battering behaviour usually follows a set pattern. This cycle of violence has different time lines but includes similar elements.

PHASE ONE - TENSION BUILDING STAGE
- the perpetrator verbally abuses his wife/partner, calling her names, swearing, threatening, accusing
- the accused tries to calm him/her, tries harder to anticipate his every whim
- some minor battering may occur
- as tension increases she/he becomes more passive
- she/he blames herself and feels helpless
- tension builds to an unbearable level

PHASE TWO - ACUTE BATTERING STAGE
- tension builds to the point where violence erupts
- the incident is usually triggered by something other than the woman's/man's behavior (person has a bad day at work, no work, more bills, etc.)
- acute battering takes place. It can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. The battering can range from bruises to fractures, sexual assault to death

PHASE THREE - HONEYMOON STAGE
- after the acute battering, the perpetrator becomes extremely remorseful and loving
- he/she begs forgiveness and promises that it will never happen again
- she/he wants to believe him /her and wants the loving behaviour to continue
- this is when she/he might leave
- if she/he stays it is only a matter of time before the cycle of violence begins again.

~~~~~~~~~~~"MY BILL OF RIGHTS"~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a right:

1 - to put myself first (under God)
2 - to make mistakes
3 - to be a judge of my feelings
4 - to change my opinions and convictions
5 - to protest unfair treatment
6 - to negotiate for change
7 - to ask for help or emotional support
8 - to say "NO"
9 - to be alone, even if others prefer my company
10 - not to sacrifice my integrity to anyone
11 - not to do more than I have time to do
12 - not to drain my strength for others
13 - not to listen to unwise counsel
14 - not to remain in an unfair relationship
15 - not to conform to unreasonable demands
16 - not to be 100% perfect
17 - not to follow the crowd
18 - not to put up with unpleasant situations
19 - not to please unpleasant people
20 - not to bare the burden of anothers misbehavior
21 - not to do something I can't really do
22 - not to submit to over-baring conditions
23 - not to apologize for being myself

SPOUSAL ABUSE

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TO PRINT "MY BILL OF RIGHTS" CLICK HERE

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