Too Hot For A Thong PPV - Brought to you by Scorpian for one low price of $ 39.95 - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives2/Too_Hot_For_A_Thong

(As the ppv kicks off the camera view goes to a roaming shot of the crowd catching brief glimpses as such signs with the likes of "CN=Bloodshed","I'drather be watching the WNBA", and "Bring Back Showtime" written on them..Fireworks explode and Sid " the King " Nasty and Guy Mandel walk down to the ringtowards the announce table with two beautiful naked Asian bitches on each arm...As they adjust their headsets Mariah Carey comes out to sing the National Anthem and she's butt ass naked too! )

Sid:Too Hot For A Thong! I like it maybe Spidey should make this an annual event...

Guy:Yeah hopefully the two junkies that run this Fed can keep it open for another year..

Sid:I got 3-1 odds they can't..

Guy: Shutup shitface show a lil respect for our country as Mariah sings the National Anthem..

Sid:Respect?! The bitch is butt naked singin' the national anthem!

Guy: " I guess you gotta point but hey that's the RMWF for ya! I just recieved word from the back that Mr. Scarface's streched Prowler has arrived in the parking lot, let's see if our cameras can pick up any clue as to what Mr. Scarface has in store for the rest of the RMWF on this historic night of Champions....

(The camera view goes to the parking lot area where the driver opens the back door and first Tone Capone than Scarface exit the Prowler.. As Scarface appears to be strategizing with somebody on the phone the camera picks up some of his conversation )

Scarface:I told you this was gonna be too easy, I just gotta make one more move and our plan will be in place. That's why CN always stay on top cause we alwayz a step ahead of the competition!

(Tone and Scarface walk in through the arena entrance as the driver carries their bags behind them..The camera view goes back to the in-ring area as our
first match is about to begin)

SiD " Hey Guy , Scorpian sure knows how to put on a show , those asian chicks were hot ... I just had them an hour ago and I am already hungry for more ... "

( Buda Dum )

SiD " What was that ? "

Guy " A drum shot ... Any way after a sub par RMWF Returns PPV we have bounced back and put toghether a killer PPV . The way one should be , all our most talented wrestlers on one card ... The biggest fueds and all titles on the line . "

SiD " Yes , the return of Holy Shit and Nightmare ... New upcoming greats like Scotty Slam and NEEP AND FRAISER !!! ARE YOU KIDDING HOW DID THEY GET ON THIS SHOW ? "

Guy " They are on almost every PPV ... "

SiD " Let me guess fighting each other ? "

Guy " Yep ! "

SiD " Oh god , when will I learn ...

Guy " As a matter of fact I think I hear ' Flowers of Scotland ' now !!! "

Grant " Neep " Turner -vs- Fraser Newlands -vs- The Crippler ( European Title )
Guy " Here comes Neep followed by Fraser Newlands , the crowd is going insane . I can barley hear myself talk ... "

SiD " WHAT ? "

Guy " I SAID I CAN BARLEY HEAR MYSELF TALK !!!! "

SiD " Oh no need to yell . "

Guy " Last but not least is The Crippler ... "

SiD " What is wrong with people , they explode for Neep and his boyfriend Fraser but they barley get excited about The Crippler . The Bravehearts are a bunch of pansy ass losers that The RMWF did not really miss ... "

Guy " Come on be honest for once in your life you missed them . "

SiD " Yes , the Flower's of The RMWF are just too much fun to make fun of ... "

Guy " Neep is stretching for the match and Fraser seems , well he seems , uuuuummm ..."

SiD " He seems confused by the bright lights , heh ... "

Guy " I think he is just happy to be back . He has not been here since The RMWF Returns PPV .. The Crippler can't wait any longer and he attacks Neep while he is stretching . Fraser comes to the rescue with a for arm smash but it has no effect ... The Crippler turns around and goes after Fraser who falls to his knees shaking his hands for mercy . The Crippler grabs him and holds up his fist and Neep comes flying off the ropes with a flying cross body taking down both men . "

SiD " So does this mean Neep will be teaming up with WIL Double again ? "

Guy " Ssssh don't give tommorrow's plot lines away . Neep now with a grapevine on The Crippler but Fraser knocks him off . Neep gets up and holds his hands out asking why Fraser did that . "

SiD " He was jealous seeing Neep wrapped up with another swetty man . "

Guy " Now Neep and Fraser are pushing each other . "

( In his best gay voice ... ) SiD " Ooowe tssstop that Fraser .. Why are you putssshing me .. Oh Neep I don't wanna see you holding another man like that .. Ahhh , ahhh tstop it , your hurting me ... "

Guy " Cut it out . Neep and Fraser now in a punch fest and The Crippler is just watching them kick the crap out of each other .. Neep lays Fraser out with a big right hand then jumps to the mat to start choking him ... Special Ref Gary Coleman trys to pull him off but is not stong enough ... "

SiD " Oh HAHAHAHA , This is comical , Gary is holding on to Neep's leg now for dear life . HAHAHA he is biting him , HAHAHAAHAA !!! "

Guy " The Crippler finally has enough and attacks Neep who still can't shake off Gary . The Crippler clotheslines Neep sending him and Gary down to the mat . Fraser up now and grabs The Crippler from behind for a reverse suplex and pin but Gary is not around to count ... WOW , Neep just launched Gary into the second row ... Now we have no ref ... "

SiD " No , he is coming back , climbing out of the crowd , rolling up his sleeves . Gary is pissed and someone is gonna pay ... "

Guy " Meanwhile in the ring Crippler is being double teamed by The Bravehearts ... Neep is attacking him from the front as Fraser is on his back biting him ... "

SiD " This match is a cartoon gone terribly wrong .. But hey when you involve Fraser what more could you ask for ? "

Guy " The Crippler flips Fraser over his head and into Neep both wrestlers crash to the mat with a loud thump . Crippler climbing the top rope AND HERE HE COMES . With a great aireal move , the pin 1 , 2 , 3 !!! HE DID IT !!! The Crippler not only won but pinned both men while doing it ... "

SiD " Watch out Gary is going after Neep who is complaining about a fast count . He better be careful last time a ref pissed him off he fired him ... "

Guy " Well he does not have that kinda authority any more ... "

Winner and New European Champ : Crippler
Guy: What an exciting match I guess we're going live to Clive Anderson as he attempts to get a word with Garrison Kane and Tommy The Butcher Marconi...

(Camera view changes to the backstage area where Kane and Marconi are being approached by Clive Anderson)

Clive: Hey guys I was wondering if I could get a word with you before your tag title match tonight with Holy Shit?

Garrison Kane: Sure Clive why don't

(Suddenly Steve The Heater and Scotty Slam attack the two challengers from behind with a couple of sledgehammers, as the pounding continues security
finally arrives to pull Steve and Scotty off of the mangled challengers..As the camers view goes back to the ring area we're ready for our next match)

" Insane " Scotty Slam -vs- Johnny Electric ( TV Title )
Guy " This is a match up of two titans . Scotty is probably looking for revenge on Johnny for beating his partner last week . "

SiD " Mmmm Hm ? "

Guy " The bell sounds as Scotty and Johnny circle the ring . "

SiD " Mmm Hm ! "

Guy " Both men sizing each other up and they lock up . Scotty over powers Johnny as he falls to his knees . A shot to the jaw finishes the job putting Mr. Electric on the mat ... Spine buster , followed by an elbow drop ... Now Scotty has a fist full of hair and sends Johnny into the turnbuckle ... BIIIIIIIIIIG SPLASH , BUT NO JOHNNY JUST BARLEY GOT OUT OF THE WAY OF THAT ONE !!! Now Johnny is on the second rope , facing Scotty delivering a barrage of blows as the crowd counts . "

SiD " Why do they always count ? "

Guy " It's kinda like the lighter for a slow song at some white trash concert .. Just something you do . "

SiD " Maybe it is something you do but not me . White trash who needs them . "

Guy " Us . "

SiD " Good point Guy , white trash is our biggest fan following , heh . I am proud of you for that one . "

Guy " Johnny flips Scotty out of the corner after the required 10 punches . He follows up with a over the head slam and then a few boots to the stomach ... Johnny off the ropes and a diving head butt , hits it's mark ... "

SiD " You don't see the head butt that often . "

Guy " Most people are not dumb enough to use it . Johnny smells blood and is preparing to take down another new comer with his finisher BUT watch out Scotty gets off a shot to the jaw and a suplex . Tiger slam by Scotty and a cover the ref slides to the mat but Johnny is out before he can even smack his hand down . "

SiD " That was close but is Tiger Slam even a move ? "

Guy " Um Sure , Scotty with a pile driver then he whips Johnny into the ropes head first . Johnny hits them funny and becomes intangled by his neck . Oh man this could be trouble . Scotty gives him a boot to the head as Mr. Electric is fighting for his last breath . The Ref try's to untangle him but Scotty keeps getting in the way . "

SiD " Somebody better help him or we might have our first casualty of the night ! The guy it turning blue . "

Guy " Scotty knocks the ref out of the way and comes off the other ropes with a missle drop kick dislodging Johnny from the ropes and outside of the ring . He is on his knees spitting and coughing and here comes Scotty over the top rope for a big splash . "

SiD " Fucked his ass up . "

Guy " Scotty has Johnny's head between his legs as he shakes his hips and gives a thumbs up to the crowd , PILE DRIVER , onto the cold hard floor . Then a departing kick as he climbs back into the ring to celebrate . "

SiD " Scotty is doing a good job but he better not under estimate Johnny . He is giving him too much time to recover . "

Guy " Scotty is back at ring side preparing to slam Johnny into the steal steps BUT Johnny just nailed Scotty with something . What was it ? "

SiD " Some kind of foreign object . Probably French they are always messing everything up . "

Guy " Well whatever it was Johnny just tossed it into the crowd and it cut Scotty pretty bad . "

SiD " Look at the fans what a buch of animals . They are killing each other over what ever Johnny threw . "

Guy " Johnny is getting ready to slam Scotty into the steps now BUT the bloody Scotty counters and slams Johnny into the steps . Even a foreign object is not gonna keep Scotty from that TV belt . "

SiD " You can bet he is gonna make Johnny bleed now . "

Guy " Scotty sure is as he is beating Johnny over and over into the steps and blood just splattered on camera number one . But Johnny is not done yet somehow he just got an elbow into the face of Scotty and sent him stumbling back . Johnny with a drop kick , BUT misses and falls hard to the hard floor . A stunned and bleeding Scotty throws Johnny into the ring . "

SiD " Somebody better win this soon or they are both gonna be dead . "

Guy " Scotty's back in the ring and delivers his finisher The Final Punishment Plunge . "

SiD " It is over now ! "

Guy " The pin 1 , 2 , 3 and Scotty pulls out the win !!!! What a bloody match . We never had blood spray on a camera before . "

Winner and New TV Champ : " Insane " Scotty Slam
Guy: Wow the excitement we've seen on this night of champions is unparralled.

Sid: Are you watching the same matches I am? Except for the them naked hawaiian bitches and Mariah this has been just another shitty pay per view with a catchy name...

Guy:I guess our cameras are in Spidey's office where we're trying to see what that sneaky bastards up to..

(The camera view goes to a shot of Spidey's office where Spidey's seated at his desk and Scarface is standing talking to him)

Spidey:But this is one thing I just can't do.. If it were anything else it would'nt be a problem but this is just too much..

Scarface: Look I'ma put it like this when you wanted your dope and you was shakin' like a crap game I told you I would call on you for a favor, and basically this is what I'm requesting I know you don't wanna do it but for your sake I hope you make the right decision..

(Scarface walks out Spidey's office slamming the door behind him and as Spidey puts his head down on his desk the camera goes back to the in ring shot)

Snakebite -vs- "The Immortal" Chris Heid -vs- Sparten ( Hardcore Title )
Guy: I guess these two are'nt waiting for Chris Heid as Snakebite and sparten waste no time going after each other...

Sid: Yeah they must want that Hardcore Title bad...

Guy: Now the Immortal finally charges the ring as Snakebite DDT's Sparten.

Sid: Now Chris Heid's going airborn I hope he knows what he's doing!

Guy: He drops Snakebite with a perfectly executed dropkick! As Sparten gets up he's bombarded with kicks and punches by Chris Heid and he falls into the corner..

Sid: Look like this match is about to actually get Hardcore as Snakebite is reaching under the apron throwing various items(a chair,a kendo stick, and a lead pipe)into the ring...

Guy: Maybe he should of kept one of those weapons in his hands cause as he re-enters the ring "The Immortal" swings at him with the chair...

Sid:Yeah but he missed badly and as Snakebite ducks he charges than smashes Sparten with a spear into the corner!

Guy: Great move but know "The Immortal" has the Kendo stick.

Sid: He cracks Snakebite over the head a couple times dropping him, than as he attempts to pick up the lead pipe Sparten finally recovering from the spear charges from behing and lays "The Immortal" out with a Bulldog onto the steel chair!

Guy: Now it looks like Sparten's going for the win the ref's in perfect position 1..2.. oh Snakebite breaksup the count with a legdrop to the back of Spartens head.

Sid: As Snakebite and Chris Heid reach their feet together,Snakebite swings at Heid but Heid ducks and slaps on the sleeper hold!

Guy:Looks like he's got it cinched in pretty tightly but what's this? Sparten's climbing the top rope! Oh what a move he drops both "The Immortal" and Snakebite with a brillantly laid clotheline that hits "The Immortal" but than also drops Snakebite from the momentum..

Sid: All three are now laid out I haven't seen so many people on their backs since Ron Jeremy's birthday party!

Guy: Sparten's the first to his feet and he goes for the lead pipe as Snakebite reaches his feet Sparten swings and connects bustin' Snakebite's forehead open as he drops the pipe.. As "The Immortal" sneaks up behind Sparten with the chair,Sparten turns to look for him and "The Immortal" throws the chair at Sparten..Sparten catches the chair and wham! The Immortal superkicks the chair which smashes Sparten in the face..

Sid: That's gonna leave a mark

Guy: Chris Heid with the cover 1..2..3!

Winner and New Hardcore Champ : "The Immortal" Chris Heid
Guy: Another outstanding performance these RMWF superstars are putting it all on the line tonight!

(The camera view returns to the backstage area where Jimmy Kimmel is standing next to Spider Man)

Jimmy: So what's the status on Kane and Marconi?

Spidey: Well there in a hospital bed somewhere eating burgers through a straw and as much as I hate to do this I gotta award the Tag Titles to Holy Shit by way of forfeit...

Jimmy: Well there ya have it Holy Shit once again RMWF tag champs thanks to Scotty Slam and Steve The Heater.

(The camera view returns to the ring where Steve The Heater is already in the ring talking strategy with Scotty slam on the outside, as first Ashura than
Johnny Electric make their ring entrance)

Steve The Heater -vs- Ashura -vs- Johnny Electric ( Intercontiental Title )
*** RMWF NOTE : I had this match posted as Angel not Johnny but noticed while editing it that Johnny was in the match . So always remember if something is not correct a wizard did it ...

Guy: This one looks like it'll be another classic which is what we've come to expect tonight...

Sid: Yeah right I'd rather be watching Full House re-runs..

Guy: Looks like Ashura has'nt lost a step as she drops Johnny with a well placed dropkick...

Sid: Yeah where's the evil bitch been anyways?

Guy: Who knows in the RMWF there's a thing called the Jimmy Hoffa virus going around...

Sid: Well it looks like Steve the Heater has had enough of her high flying as he clotheslines the hose beast outside the ring..

Guy: I almost forgot to mention the recently vacated I-C title is on the line in this match and it looks like Electric wants it bad as he knees Steve in the stomach and than follows it up with a gut wrench suplex..

Sid: Ashura reaches her feet outside the ring, but what's this? Scotty Slam just smashed her into the ring post!

Guy: What a dispicable act! I guess these guys are showing their true colors tonight!

Sid:I guess they realized you can't be no classic face in this Fed and survive..

Guy: Well forget all that Johnny Electric's climbing the ropes! He attempts a flying cross body on Steve the Heater, but the Heater just cathces him and hits a powerful fall away slam...

Sid: Ashura slides back into the ring still shaking offthe cobwebs and the Heater meets her with a Famouasser!

Guy: Great move , the Heater's really impressing me tonight!

Sid: He still sucks..

Guy: Now Electric reaches his feet and charges Steve with a spear which he doges and Electric's shoulder hits the ringpost! Now as the Heater goes after Ashura Scotty Slam pulls Electric outside the ring and begins pummeling him!

Sid: The ref can't keep up with all the action!

Guy: Ashura is on her feet but can't mount any offense as the Heater hoists her up.

Sid: Why did Slam just throw a chair into the ring?

Guy: Here's your answer the Heater hits a running powerbomb onto the chair that knocks Ashura senseless here's the cover as Electric's laid out on the outside of the ring1..2..3!

Winner and NEW IC Champ : Steve The Heater
Guy:What a great win for the Heater that should cattupult him straight to the top of the RMWF!

Sid:(yawns)

Commercial Break !

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Page Updated Mon Dec 17, 2001 2:52pm EST