THE RMWF RETURNS ! - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives2/The_RMWF

Disclaimer : When Spidey asked me to write this PPV , I had already thought about returning to the fed for some card writing . So I jumped on the chance to write a PPV . I had so many ideas and thought it would be one of our best yet so I started writing it real early . Well that is a mistake I learned from , little did I know it was going to turn out to be one of our worse PPV's ever . So many people dropped out of the fed , went on vacation and changed story lines , I could not keep up .. As you are about to read it took a real hard effect on the PPV . This is definitly our worse PPV to date , sorry it sucked so bad but it was out of my hands ... WIL Double

" This is Guy Mandel with SiD " The King " Nasty and the rest of The RMWF Satff for our first PPV since returning and is it a big one here in Aniheim California ... "

SiD " Who's idea was it to have the ring in the middle of the ice hockey rink how stupid .... "

Guy " Prez Goldust , so shut up we are lucky he is not making us talk in Old English . "

SiD " Yeah well he is lucky I don't kick his faggot ass ... "

Guy " Mmmm Hmmmm whatever , anyway tonight The Phantom of The RMWF is going to be unmasked and we have a 11 man battle royal for The European Belt . Plus Clive Anderso who brought you ' The Searh for Bandit ' is on the case trying to find our original Prez WIL Double but first lets get on with the opening show ...

( Fireworks explode and the new RMWF theme songs plays , as the gates open to the hockey rink and thousand of ducks run out onto the ice ... A coffin is brought out by four topless girls and they slip and slide all the way to the ring . Just then Glodust pops out in one of his most stunning dresses and breaks into " I Touch Myself " by The Divynles as the crowd boo's ... )

SiD " This is horrible , who made him in charge and what is with all the ducks ? They are shitting everywhere !!! "

Guy " The stadium is called The Duck Pond and Spidey made him in charge .. "

SiD " You know I was happy when WIL Double went MIA but now I think I might want him back , Goldust is a friggen lunatic ... "

( The Prez's musical number ends and then security comes out with shot guns and starts shooting the ducks ... Shit and feathers fly as we get set for our first match ... )

Guy " Well thats it for the opening cerimonies now for our first match . This is an 11 man and women battle royal for The European Belt . To eliminate an opponent you must toss them over the top rope last person left gets awarded the belt ... "

( Each participant comes out after there introduction and theme music , holds the mic and recites "I am pussy cat , I am dog , I AM REPTAR ! " In fear of losing the match because they did not follow Goldust's rules . Jamal has the hardest time forgeting the words but saves himself by doing " The Butt " ... )

SiD " I mean come on this fed was always stupid but now it has gotten way out of hand . Goldust must be stopped . "

Guy " Aaaah he is doing his best ... The bell has just rang and the battle royal begins with all participants paring off and trying to eliminate someone .. I wonder who will be first ? "

SiD " Yo Mamma ... "

Guy " Nobody talks about my Mamma's hairy chest , DAMN YOU SID !!! "

SiD " No one said anything about a hairy chest !!! "

Guy " Nevermind just watch your mouth damn it ! Jamal off to an early start giving Rebel The Atomic Butt and tossing him over the top rope but the ex-TV Champ lands on the apron and is not eliminated . Stalin is in the corner with American Bad Ass exchanging blows . "

SiD " These battle royals are never exciting and just confusing until almost everyone is eliminated . "

Guy " I have to disagree , 11 men and women battling it out for one belt . It's very exciting . Harley Quinn has just been tossed out by Venom with the help of Kid Kracker who has just gotten off suspension for attacking ... "

SiD " Whooo we don't need to hear about it . We all know what he did . "

Guy " Fine , Darkstalka is now going after Black Widow who comes off the ropes with a Russian sickle taking The Dark One down to the mat hard . Meanwhile Jamal has gone in to his retard spin knocking down half of the wrestlers but is tripped by Eric Johnson and falls to the mat . Setting him up for an elbow drop by American Bad Ass ... "

SiD " You know we don't see Jamal all that often , only when his father needs more money for crack . Somone should step in and help the kid , get him out of that situation . Isn't there some kind of retard rescue team or something ? "

Guy " I don't know SiD but he kinda seems to be enjoying wrestling . "

SiD " Well of course it is better then sucking dick on the street corner to get his dad crack . "

Guy " First of all who would want a retard to suck there dick for money and second how do you know thats what he use to do ? "

SiD " Uuuuuum no comment on either question . You know what Bukakke is ? "

Guy " No . "

SiD " It's these porno movies when like fifty guys all jerk off is a girls face . They leave the cum on her face until it looks like somebody painted her with cake batter . "

Guy " Did we really need to know that ? "

SiD " How about a snoodling ? "

Guy " I don't think I want to know . "

SiD " It's when one guys sticks his dick in anothers fore skin . "

Guy " And how do you know this ? "

SiD " No comment . "

Guy " By the way we have just been informed American Bad Ass and Packard Jimmy Epson are no longer in the fed so they are eliminated . That leaves us with only 8 people left in the battle royal . "

SiD " This is once again shaping up to be a great PPV . "

Guy " You know what I say ? "

SiD " What ? "

Guy " Awwwww fuck it . "

SiD " Yes Guy fuck it our pay checks are the same at the end of the week , right ?

Guy " Correct , now back to the match . No one has been eliminated so far but there was a couple of close calls as Kid Kracker , Venom and Darkstalka almost bit it . Black Widow with a hurricanna nails Eric , The Crusher , Johnson and flips him over the ropes .. "

SiD " Stalin just landed a double ax handle off the second rope , on Jamal , but it almost cost him as he did not see Venom coming up and he blind sided him with a clothesline almost flipping him out of the ring . "

Guy " Stalin and Venom exchange blows now . Rebel , big head butt on Darkstalka and he was one leg up almost flipping Old Darky out . Darkstalka holding on for dear life and here comes Black Widow from behind . She nails Rebel but her momentum knocks Darkstalka out of the ring and out of the battle royal ... "

SiD " Well he will be getting another chance at a belt during the three man main event . "

Guy " Yes he will but for now he is a loser .. "

SiD " Man you are not yourself tonight . "

Guy " It's a new age for The RMWF and maybe a new Guy Mandel . "

SiD " Hmmmm maybe . "

Guy " The battle royal continues as Black Widow has the upper hand on Stalin ... "

SiD " They should not be fightning they should be joinning forces to crush us American Pigs . "

Guy " The Cold War is over SiD , thanks to good old Regan . Plus its a battle royal , every man and women for themselves no alliances here . Venom and Kid Kracker are teaming up on Rebel . Wait we have just been informed Kid Kracker has been kicked out of the fed so that leaves only 6 people in the match . "

SiD " Who ? "

Guy " Black Widow , Darkstalka , Rebel , Venom and Jamal and Stalin . But Rebel just got eliminated by a sneak attack by Stalin . "

SiD " THAT COMMIE BASTARD !!! "

Guy " You can bet Rebel will be looking for revenge because of that . "

SiD " You know in those Bukkake things sometimes they put these funnels over the girls heads like the dogs where then they jerk off in them . "

Guy " Why do you keep telling us this ? "

SiD " Just adding some life to the match . "

Guy " Now Black Widow goes to work on Venom as Stalin squares off against Jamal ..Black Widow has not problem tossing out Venom and Stalin is eliminated by Jamal ... And due to The RMWF's rules about retards holding belts , Black Widow wins !!! "

Winner and NEW EUROPEAN CHAMP : Black Widow
( Backstage ... Reports of CSD sightings have been floating around and finally Clive Anderson catches up with him ... )

Clive " MR. CSD , MR. CSD can we talk to you about the current state of The Prez . How about the rumors about him having a germ phobia and locking himself away ? Did he really sell The RMWF to Spidey for crack or is he really now a black women living in Zimbobway ? "

( CSD turns to speak to Clive Anderson but an anvil drops from the ceiling on his head snapping his neck . A sinister laugh is heard from the rafters as The Phantom of The RMWF strikes again ... Clive Anderson screams like a bitch and runs away .. )

SiD " That Damn Phantom is a wiley sucker ... "

Guy " One slippery cusp but tonight Silver Bellz is gonna take him on and swears to reviel his idenity ... "

SiD " I wonder who it could be ? I wonder if any one cares ? "

Johnny Electric -vs- Venom
SiD " Ok prediction time , since this PPV was booked Johnny Electric has not been heard from . So he is gonna come out here tonight and get killed by Venom . "

Guy " You don't know that . "

SiD " Oh yes I do ... "

BACKSTAGE
( Johnny Electric is sitting in his locker room preparing for the match when he gets a knock on his door . Ignoring the knock he jumps out of his seat when the door is broken down , a cloaked man approaches him and pulls out an ax from his garments .. )

SLASH
( The camera picks up Johnny's head as it rolls across the floor and a sinister laugh echos in the hall ... )

Guy " Well Venom is in the ing waiting but where is Johnny ? "

SiD " I don't know but it has been like five minutes and he still has not shown . "

( Spidey's office : The phone rings and Spider-Man jumps up to answer it ... )

Spidey " WHAT ? Johny Electric did not show ? God damn it tell Goldust , he is The Prez . Well of course he is not in his office , he is never in his friggen office . Well just like when WIL Double was prez I will fix it .. "

RINGSIDE
Guy " Well it has been ten minutes and still no Johnny . Venom and the crowd are getting restless . "

SiD " Yeah they are starting there own matches in the audience . Maybe we should broadcast one of them . "

Guy " Naw that could get us a law suit . We'll just wait I am sure the staff is working on the problem ... "

SPIDEY'S OFFICE AGAIN ?
( Spidey is alseep on his desk as the phone rings . He jumps up and wipes the drool off his face then picks up the phone ... )

Spidey " WHAT ? Oh yeah Johnny Electric , he's dead ? Well get someone else to fight Venom , What do you mean there is no one else ? Well fuck me , ok patch me through to the medical staff ... "

RINGSIDE AGAIN !!!
SiD " Well what the hell Venom should win by default , this is getting ridiculas ... "

Guy " WAIT , the crowd is on there feet is Johnny coming to the ring ? "

SiD " No some guy is lighting his farts in the front row . "

Guy " NO , IT IS JOHNNY HERE HE COMES RUNNING INTO THE RING !!! He dives under the ropes and Venom starts to kick him . Johnny shakes off the kicks and tackles Venom pummeling him with a barrage of punches . "

SiD " I thought Johnny was dead I guess not lets go back to Clive Anderson for an update on what is happening . "

( The screen switches to a split screen . On one side is the match and Johnny giving Venom an atomic drop . The other side is a shaking Clive Anderson holding a microphone ... )

Clive " C-c-c-c-live Anderson here with a report on The Phantom of The RMWF . Spider-Man being the genious he is new that The Phantom would try to off the wrestlers for tonight , so he got all the wrestlers body doubles . Then he smartly set up secret dressing rooms that no one new about so The Johnny Electric who got killed was really an actor not the real Johnny ... I am still scarred for my life as Spidey did not get me a double and I think The Phantom may be turning to us next . Watch your back Guy and SiD as no one is safe !"

SiD " What the hell is this shit , first ducks now body doubles who is writing this crap Eric Johnson ? "

Guy " Writing what no one writes this stuff ? "

SiD " Oh yeah sorry , what I am I talking about ?

Guy " Now since everything is clear we can get back to the match , in which Venom now has the upper hand with a chineese torture rack in the center of the ring . Johnny is using every once of his strength to get out but Venom is just too strong . Wait Johnny snaps his head back crushing Venom's nose . Venom drops the hold and stumbles back holding his face as blood drips down through his fingers .. "

SiD " Why don't wrestlers do that more often ? That was a great move ... "

Guy " Probably because it is an illegal move . "

SiD " Like anyone follows the rules in this fed . Do we even have rules ? "

Guy " Sometimes , now Johnny takes the bleeding Venom and irsih whips him into the corner . BIG SPLASH and Venom crumbles to the mat like a pile of ... "

SiD " SHIT ! "

Guy " Thanks SiD but I don't need you to finish my sentences . Johnny with a snap mare suplex followed by a cover . Kick out by Venom and he gets a cheap shot off into the mug of Johnny but does not slow him down . Johnny with a scoop slam then comes off the ropes for an elbow drop but no one was home . Venom got out of the way of that one mighty quick . Venom now with a fist full of hair rakes Johnny's face across the ropes . "

SiD " This is old time wrestling , like when I wrestled . "

Guy " Sure is , an old time cheap moves like you use to use . Venom with a samoan drop and Johnny is laid out on the mat and Venom makes him pay for the broken nose with a vicious boot to the face . The another before the ref steps in to make him stop . Venom trys to sneak in one more but Johnny catches his boot and sends his spinning in a circle , catches him and side suplexes , Venom . "

SiD " This match has been pretty good , its a good thing Johnny did not die . "

Guy " Yes , its never a good thing when people die . Johnny clotheslines Venom now , then picks him up for a shoulder breaker . Venom is crawling across the ring and Johnny is taunting him and here is comes . "

SiD " The mandatory low blow of the night and the honors go to Venom . "

Guy " Johnny Electric is doubled over and Venom delivers a back breaker . Then a ddt , Johnny is stunned and does not look good . "

SiD " Yep , but here comes Bud Brody and Stalin . Damn commies can't keep there nose out of anyones business . "

Guy " Bud Brody and Staling enter the ring with bats and Venom trys to escape but Stalin catches him with a bat to the back of the legs . "

SiD " Let the beating begin . "

Guy " The bell rings as it looks like the ref has diqualified Johnny and Bud Brody and Stalin continue beating Venom . This must be the stable ' The New Empire ' Stalin has mentioned . "

SiD " Somebody better get in there before Venom never walks again . "

Guy " Here comes the rest of The RMWF officiating staff to help Venom ... "

Winner by DQ : Venom
You can feel him breathing down your neck ...
You are not alone ....
In space no one can hear you scream ..

( Klop , Klop , Klop )

HE IS COMING !!!!
" This is Clive Anderson and ever since I have been trying to track down WIL Double I have been fearing for my life . I know someone is following me , I know he is here somewhere . WHO IS IT , IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY !!! OH , OH HE'S HERE AHHHHHHHHH !!!!

Guy " Clive , Clive are you there ? "

SiD " Looks like The Phantom got him . "

Guy " I don't think so , did you hear that klop , klop sound before he was attacked ? "

SiD " Yeah , so ? "

Guy " Well I think it is someone else ..."

SiD " Hmmmmmmm ? "

Silver Bellz -vs- Phantom of The RMWF

DIVISION X MATCH
( A loud organ plays and the entrance ramp bursts into flames , out walks The Phantom . He takes a long time getting to the ring and is dressed in a black cloak with a white mask covering his face . He pauses climbs the ring apron and raises his hands as the ring explodes into flames . Just then a silver bolt comes screaching down rom the sky . Silver Bellz appears on top of the ropes and unzips his pants , putting out the flames with a golden shower ... Then he begins to speak in a booming voice but his words don't match his lips like a bad kung-fu movie ... )

Guy " Silver Bellz smacks The Phantom with a hot dog he pulled out of his pants . The Phantom stumbles back holding his chest ... "

SiD " Why is he holding his chest he got hit in the head ? "

Guy " Don't know but The Phantom is on the retreat as Silver Bellz attacks him with more hot dogs and then almost takes his head off with a spinning karate kick . The Phantom now reaching into his cloak but Silver Bellz does not let him react delivering a mortal combat / matrix triple drop kick .. "

SiD " ........ "

Guy " Now Silver Bellz has The Phanotm pinned he reaches down and yanks off his mask revieling that he is .... "

Shaggy " Zoooinks it's MR. Piddlelink !!! "

Thelma " No it's not that is another mask ... "

( Perplexed on how The Scooby Gang just showed up , Silver Bellz pulls off the second mask revileing The Phantom to be The Preacher Man ... )

Thelma " So you were the one trying to destroy The RMWF , but why ? "

The Preacher Man " I wanted to destroy The RMWF so it could never be good . That way everyone would know my friend WIL Double was the best prez and his name would forever be associated with greatness ... "

Fred " So all you did was kill CSD ? What the fuck did that prove ? "

The Preacher Man " I would have done more if you pesky kids did not get involved ... "

Fred " Whatever , lets go fuck Dafney ... "

SiD " You new it would happen someday . "

Guy " The Preacher Man trying to destroy The RMWF ? "

SiD " No , either WIL or Spidey would slip in a Scooby Doo joke ... "

Guy " Yeah that made me feel all wierd inside , lets just ignore the whole thing and go to the next match ... "

SiD " Agreed ... "

*** For the end of the card click here ***

RMWF

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Page Updated Mon Dec 17, 2001 2:52pm EST