MONDAY NIGHT MELDOWN 8-6-01 - Brought to you in Spooky Vison - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives2/8_6_01_Monday_Night

YOUR ARE A SUPER STAR , YES , THATS WHAT YOU ARE !
VOGUE !!!
( The camera pans in on Crazy Eddy that guy who use to do the car commercials oh so long ago . When I was a kid and you were just a gleam in your daddy's eye ... )

" THIIIIS IS CRAZY EDDY !!! BRINGING YOU THE BEST DAMN MONDAY MELTDOWN OF YOUR LIFE AT ONE , YES , ONE LOW PRICE . I AM SLASHING , SLASHING PRICES AND WHY YOU ASK ? BECAUSE I AM CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY !!!!

( The camera pulls back revieling Crazy Eddy in a straight jacket and no shoes . He starts banging his head against the padded wall as we go to our regular and always trusted announcers Guy and SiD ... )

SiD " I always wondered what happened to that guy , now I know . He's cutting promo's for the fed ... "

Guy " I'm confused now how do we start the show since he did the opening commentary? "

SiD " With a song and dance number ? "

Guy " Why yes I believe we do ... "

( Just then a bright spotlight shines on Guy and SiD . They kick there announcers table to the side and catch two canes tossed to them . A tap dance routine follows as they cross in front of in back of each other we enter the opening number . The WWF does not give you this kind of entertainment , now does it !! )

SiD " HEY GUY ? "

Guy " WHY , YES MR NASTY ? "

SiD " YOU SAY TOE-MOT-TOE AAAAAAAAND ..."

Guy " YOU SAY TOMATOE .... "

TOGHETHER NOW " BUT WE ARE SO BEST OF FRIENDS !!! "

Note they are singing , incase you had not figured it out ...

SiD " WEEK AFTER WEEK WE SIT THROUGH THESE SHOWS . YOU JUST ADORE THEM AND I THINK THEY BLOOOOOOOOW !!!! I CAN NOT TAKE THE LONG MATCHES AND THE LACK OF MUFF BUT YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO FIND A DIAMOND IN THE RUFF !!! "

Guy " AHHHH MY FRIEND , HERE I GO ... "

( Guy goes into a tap dance number as SiD smacks his knee ...)

Guy " YOUR CONSTANT CRACKS AND TIRED REMARKS ARE JUST ANOTHER OF THE FEDS BLACK MARKS .. THE FED IS FULL OF GOOD AND HAS A CONSTANT USE , WE DON'T NEED ANYMORE OF YOUR FUCKING ABUSE .. "

SiD ' OH YEAAAAH YOU PENCIL NECKED GEEK ? "

Guy ' OH YEAH YOU HAND JOB GIVING FREAK !!! "

SiD " WEEEEEEELL YOU MY FRIEND ARE JUST A WEEK MINDED LASS AND WOULD NOT KNOW QUALITY IF IT BIT YOU IN THE ASS . EVERY WEEK IN YOUR CHEAP POLEYESTER SUITS I HAVE TO STARE AT YOU AND HOLD BACK MY PUKE ..."

Guy " HA ! YOUR JUST SOME WHITE TRASH IGNORANT FOOL WHO HAS THE WITS AND LOOKS OF A BEATEN MULE . HOW I TOLERATE YOUR USELESS CHATTER BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF ME BUT I GUESS IT DOES NOT MATTER ... BEEEE-CAAAAUSE ... "

Togheter " WE ARE THE BEST OF FRIENDS ..."

SiD " EVERY CARD WE PULL IT TOGHETHER , MAKING SOME SENCE OF THIS FEDS MESS . PSYCHOS AND PERVERTS THAT IS OUR TEST . "

Guy " OH YES , OH YES ... "

( The music slows down and both men come down on one knee with there arms in the air ...)

Toghether " WE ARE THE BEST OF FRIENDS AND WE DO IT TOGHETHER . OOOOOOH NOTHING COULD TEAR US APART . YOU SAY TOMATOE AND IIIIIIIIIIIIII SAY TOE-MOT-TOE !!! "

( The crowd urupts and we are ready to start another explsoive Monday Night Meltdown ... )

Neep -vs- Hunter ( Cage Match )
Guy " Well lets see Neep has not re-joined with WIL Double and rumors have been spreading that he might bring back Neep World Order ."

SiD " Baaaaah like anyone cares ."

Guy " NWO was a driving force in The RMWF in the past . Here comes Hunter who viciously murdered Stalin a few weeks back ."

SiD " I like the guy already ridding of us of that commie scum ."

Guy " The crowd is chanting as the cage is lowered ."

SiD " What , what are they chanting ?"

Guy " I can not make it out. Uuuum sounds like ' One of us '?"

SiD " Huh that is spooky."

Guy " No one will ever get it , why do we even bother? "

SiD " Aaaahhh it's not funny any way."

Guy " Special ref for Meltdown tonight Shaquile O'Neil is ready to go as he sounds for the bell and closes the cage door . Hunter charges Neep who side steps him and takes him down with a nice Russian foot sweep . I am surprised that Neep is not looking for revenge on Scarface for getting maced and losing his match on last Meltdown ."

SiD " Nothing Neep does me surprises me . Actually nothing that happenns in this place does either ."

Guy " Neep with an arm bar flips Hunter over and gets a boot on his throat . This is a classic case of the vetran wrestler showing the new kid the ropes . But the new kid shows he has a few tricks of his own as he grabs Neep's leg and gets him in an ankle lock . Hunter now slings Neep into the side of the cage and Neep bounces of the steal cage like ..."

SiD " ... "

Guy " SiD ? "

SiD " What ? "

Guy " I was waiting for one of your anicdotes ? "

SiD " Well I don't have one ."

Guy " Hmmmm SiD Nasty at a loss for words , Hell must of frozen over ."

SiD " Ok , how about , Neep bounces off the steal cage like my cock off your Mamma's face ? "

Guy " I should of kept my mouth shut . Neep now on the mat as Hunter delivers a leg drop but no one is home . Neep too his feet , side suplex takes Hunter down ..."

SiD " What happened to Ashura is she back ?"

Guy " For a momment then she disapeared again . Uuuum why are we talking about Ashura ?"

SiD " Because no one cares about Neep or Hunter ..."

Guy " Of course they do , now leave me out of you useless babble . Neep has Hunter now in a full nelson but quickly turns it into a full nelson slam . Hunter is flat on his face as Neep sizes him up for a knee drop then a snap mare roll over ... Neep has taken control of the match and sends Hunter face first into the cage . Missle drop kick has Hunter eating steal once again and Neep goes for the door . It could be all over quickly if Neep just makes it out BUT NO Hunter dives catching the leg of Neep . Neep just kicks him in the face then gets him up for a devistating power bomb ..."

SiD " Ok two things , first , why is every move devistating ? Next Christmas I am buying you a thesaurus and second ... Why every time someone is about to make it out of a cage match and the other guy , BARLEY , stops him does the other guy always come back and does a move . Follow me for a sceond here people , Neep was almost out and Hunter stopped him , he kicked him the face which was sufficent enough for , NEEP , to continue to leave the match BUT NOOOO he had to come back an do a power bomb . Ya following me ?"

Guy " No . "

SiD " Forget it ."

Guy " Neep now sends Hunter face first into the cage then follows up with a clothesline making him eat steal a scond time ."

SiD " Looks like Neep drew first blood ."

Guy " Yes , Hunter is bleeding . But he gets an elbow up into the face of Neep then returns the favor by slamming him into the cage . Hunter , climbing is he going for the win or some crazy ariel move ? It does not matter as Neep shakes the cage causing Hunter to come crashing down to the mat.

SiD " I-I-I-IT DOESN'T MATTER !!! "

Guy " Oh god , Neep now with a step over toe hold but Hunter boots him off. Neep keeps on coming now with a flying fore arm and Hunter is just trying to get something started here."

SiD " Yeah the little bugger won't stay still lone enough for Hunter to pull anything off."

Guy " Yes , Neep is looking impressive , unlike he has been in his recent return to The RMWF . Neep with a wrist lock now and Hunter sends a few well placed blows to his ribs to break the hold but Neep just comes back with a belly to belly and now is looking for the finish of this match . He delivers a devistating spine buster and starts to climb the cage. What is he doing?"

SiD " Hahahaha his shoe lace is stuck!!!"

Guy " Are you kidding me on what?"

SiD " I guess on the cage , he is pulling off his boot."

Guy " Meanwhile Hunter gets to his feet and starts towards the caged but here comes Chris Heid and Snakebite. I guess they are out there to help Neep ! They enter the cage and WAIT Chris Heid just pulled Neep down and they set him up for a double power bomb."

SiD " This is sad poor , poor Neep !!! The man can not catch a break why are Snakebite and Chris Heid screwing him like this?"

Guy " I don't know but Hunter is climbing over the top of the cage and he is almost out."

SiD " Where is Shaq he should DQ Hunter."

Guy " He is eating a Nestley Quick Bar and not paying attention.. Hunter is on the floor and Shaq calls for the bell while Chirs Heid nails Neep with his Hardcore Belt . All three men leave seperatly as Neep is out cold in the center of the ring ."

SiD " Sad that man needs a hug."

Winner: Hunter
( On a beach shore somewhere in the univerese a muscular , shirtless Clive Anderson rides a horse .. He makes his way down slowley enjoying the view , wondering what the rest of the world is wondering , where could he be and who attacked Snakebite ? For he has a report to do and no one is gonna stop him . Not the man who has brought us such wonderful journalism as ' The Search For Bandit ' , ' Who Defeated Darkstalka , and his best report ever ' A Look Into SiD The King Nasty's Past , Hand Jobs For Money ' .. He will find his way off this crazy planet and escape those damn apes ... )

( Behind Clive is a group of monkey's on horses . Two start to charge in the direction he has left but the smarter , white one stops them ... Dr. Zeaus is his name ... )

Dr Zeaus " NO , Let him go . He will not like what he finds , let the fool see for himself ."

( Clive continues his search but to much of his dismay comes up on a horrible site . In the water off the shore he spots a long arm jutting out of the water . An arm holding a torch , the arm of lady liberty . He climbs off his horse and falls to his knees screaming .. )

Clive " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I am in NY , YOU BASTARDS . YOU FILTHY BASTARDS !!! "

Black Rove -vs- Crown Royal
SiD " Hmm another match of losers ."

Guy " Well Crown Royal just came off of a match against The Immortal Chris Heid , but if you don't remember the outcome I'm not gonna tell you . All three men are in the ring as Shaq rings the bell.

SiD " Two Sundays ago that bitch got fucked with a bottle and we missed it. "

Guy " What a shame. Crown Royal gets the match going with a side suplex on Black Rove . Black Rove counters with a clothesline but only stuns Royal for a second . This was orginally scheduled for a three way match but Spank Dudley met his early death last Sunday . "

SiD " What is this match for who has the stupidest name ? I mean come on Spank Dudley and Black Rove ?"

Guy " All the good names were taken ."

SiD " I guess , heh ."

Guy " Crown Royal with a rolling scissors , airplane spin . Around and around he goes where he lands no one knows. Spank Dudley coes down hard in the corner and Crown Royal is celebrating with the crowd . Dudley crawling out to the center of the ring but Mr. Royal stomps his head and cuts his come back very short.

SiD " Black Rove not Spank Dudley.."

Guy " Oh yeah oooops. Black Rove is set up for a brain buster and Crown Royal delivers it with intesity and passion. "

SiD " Yeah if you pull of a good move it can almost make you cum."

Guy " Are you serious please tell me you are not?"

SiD " Of course not the last thing I would ever do with a swetty man between my legs is cum. "

Guy " Good because I was starting to believe the hand job thing. Crown Royal on the top rope and here he comes!!!"

SiD " Heh well he just came all over the mat because Black Rove was not home. That reminds me where is that little fruit Clive Anderson because I'm gonna kill him when I get my hands on him."

Guy " Hopefully he is finding out who attacked Snakebite. We will find out after this match in a special report. Black Rove now has the upper hand and he takes full advantage of it with an asian spike. Rove now has Royal up for a neckbreaker as Crown Royal trys to counter but to no avail and he comes down hard.

SiD " What?"

Guy " Black Rove delivered a neckbreaker thats what I said. Now Black Rove with a snap suplex. Rone whips Royal into the ropes and misses with a clothesline , Royal slips behind him but Rove counters with a bear hug. Royal escapes before any damage is done with a head butt but Rove is right back on him with a stiff right hand! Crown Royal responds back and both men now are going toe to toe."

SiD " These guys are the biggest sacks of shit I have ever seen."

Guy " SiD! Now whay would you say that?"

SiD " Don't know I am just so full of anger , I hate them."

Guy " .... "

SiD " Heh, is Crown Royal some Kid Money wanna be or somethin? Maybe I should pay attention to what goes on more , I mean what ever happened to Kid Money?"

Guy " Crown Royal has nothing to do with Kid Money , ahhhh whay do I even answer your questions your not listinging."

SiD " What you say?"

Guy " Rove gets a knee up to the midsection and doubles over Crown Royal , DDT folks and a cover. 1 , 2 , 3 and Black Rove wins a great match over Crown Royal!!!"

SiD " Oh good its over lets get to that funny bastard The Preacher Man."

Winner : Black Rove
( WIL Double's Office . WIL is passed out on his desk and the phone rings , he jumps up and picks it up to find out that The Vice-Prez Spidey is calling . )

WIL " Ya , huh ? "

Spidey " I said do you have any idea where Clive Anderson is ?"

( Rubbing his eyes and searching around for a ciggarrette ... )

WIL " Oh I sent him to the planet of the apes ."

Spidey " Why would you do that ."

WIL " Those Filthy apes ."

Spidey " Why did you send him there ?"

WIL " Why would you care ."

Spidey " Don't know just got this strange urge to know where Clive is all of a sudden."

WIL " Because he was about to reviel who attacked Snakebite ."

Spidey " Oh well why do you want to keep that a secret ?"

WIL " Because it was my men that did it ."

Spidey " Why the hell would you have him attacked for ."

WIL " Well the only real wrestler on my team is The Preacher Man and he is getting old and I think he is also losing his mind . But that is another story anyway his record sucks and I knew he could not beat Snakebite so I figured ..."

Spidey " If ya took him out your man would win . Well it all makes sence now . Well gotta go , later ..."

WIL " Hey you slimy bastard what about attacking me with a crow ..."

( The phone clicks and the line is dead . WIL tosses it on his desk and goes back to his nap ...)

The Preacher Man -vs- Gravedigger
Guy " About two weeks ago The Preacher Man came out and made a disturbing apperance on Havok . Then on Havok with his tag team partner Pig Vomit they took on The Primal Punishers and Preacher Man flipped . He shot Wild Kat and walked off with the tag belts . Word floating around The RMWF says he has gone crazy and even CEO , WIL Double is worried . Why has The Preacher Man gone crazy and what will he do next? "

SiD " Don't know but what I do know is this announcer is actually interested in what he will do next ."

Guy " Not surprising we have sat through a lot with Preacher Man and it is sad to see such a great athelte come to this . I mean the cross thing was a little much lets see a replay ... "

SiD " Yes , lets ..."

( The screan cuts back to Havok two weeks ago ..)

( During an unbroadcasted part of Havok last week )
SiD " What is that? "

Guy " It sounds like The Preacher Man's old music. "

( Just then a loud booming voice echos over the PA )

SiD " Thats that voice the one who always use to announce The Preacher Man. "

Guy " Yes the voice behind God! "

The Voice : Ladies and Gentelmen of The RMWF may I have your attention please. It gives me great honor to introduce The One and Only , Warrior of God and one half of Holy Sh!t , THE PREACHER MAN !!!!

( Just then the lights cut off and a bright red spotlight shines on the middle of the ring . The crowd explodes as a cross is lowered down from the rafters but then a disturbing image quiets them. The Preacher Man is hanging from the cross , nailed through his hands and feet. )

SiD " Oh man this is disturbing were definatly gonna get complaints from the religious groups about this. "

Guy " Yeah what the hell is going on? "

( The lights flash back on and The Preacher Man rips his hands free of the cross. He kneels down extending his hands into the air as blood flows down his arms. Just then the cross explodes into flames and he grabs a mic... )

Guy " And here he comes now ."

SiD " What the hell is he dressed in ."

Guy " Some white robe and I have no idea , plus he has his head shaved now. He makes his way into the ring and holds up his arms as Gravediggers music plays .."

SiD " This is gonna be interesting . "

Guy " Yeah , one , I am sruprised The Preacher Man has shown up . Two , I am surprised Grave Digger is dumb enough to show up ."

SiD " Oh I can feel the death in the air ."

Guy " Preacher Man is in the center of the ring praying and Grave Digger kicks him but he does not budge . Another kick and he still does not budge ."

SiD " I'm scarred they should of made him go through a medal detector first ."

Guy " Finally The Preacher Man stands up and Gravedigger comes off the ropes with a clothesline only staggering ol'Preachy back a few steps."

SiD " He's is crazy and now on top of it unmoveable?"

Guy " Looks that way as Gravedigger can not figure it out."

SiD " Look Top Dollar Kid and John Cash are coming to the ring. Do they have a death wish or something? "

Guy " What interest could they possible have in this match? They are kicking out Elguyo and Elsidno from the spanish announcers table."

SiD " Why are they taking over the spanish one , they could of at least took over the French one and rid us of those damn stinky bastards."

Guy " Why would they take over any table period. Well we will keep an eye on them. Meanwhile , Preacher Man has still not even raised a hand to Gravedigger as he bangs away at The Holy One. Snap suplex finally does the job as Gravedigger is still on the attack. Gravedigger with a big boot to Preacher Man face sends him sprawling on the mat with a busted nose."

SiD " How is he gonna cleanse the fed if he just sits there and gets his ass kicked."

Guy " Don't ask questions about the mind of a maniac."

Pizza Guy " You guys order a pizza?"

SiD " What the fuck?"

Top Dollar Kid " Hey over here we ordered the pizza!!!"

SiD " Now they are ordering pizza? We never order pizza. "

Guy " Because we are professionals SiD , thats why

Wait this match will be continued Here

But first a little more exciting behind the scenes RMWF action!

( Ring Ring )

WIL " Hello ? "

Spidey " Can you spot me a bag ?"

WIL " Uuuuuum NO .... "

( Click )

( 5 minutes later , Ring Ring )

WIL " Hello ?"

Spidey " Remember that episode of Different Strokes when Dudley gets molested ?"

WIL " Yeah ? "

Spidey " Heh ...."

( Click )

RMWF

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Page Updated Mon Dec 17, 2001 2:52pm EST