Wednsday Night Havok 4th of July - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives2/7_4_01_Wednsday_Night

" Well good evening everyone.. I'm SiD "The KING" Nasty and the guy sitting next to me's Guy Mandell.. We're here at Boyd Park on this beautiful Fourth of July Episode of Havok!! Today is the day we get to celebrate democracy, Budwieser, apple pie and the fact that as Americans, we are better than all other nationalities "

SiD takes in a deep breath, " Ahhh.. You can smell the pride in the air "

Guy " Are you trying to get our foreighn affiliates to drop us?? "

SiD " Oh skrew em!! They know American is the best God damn country in the world.. If they don't like hearing that truth.. They can kiss my ass!!! "

Guy " SiD!! "

SiD " What?! Spidey even banned Black Widow and Stalin from today's show for being pinkos commie bastards.. Scarface and Tone Capone cause their guinnies.. And Goldust for being a homosexual!! Which proves he agrees with me "

Guy " SID!!! That's enough!!! None of those wrestlers were even booked for this show "

SiD " ..That's what I said. Only Americans here tonight "

Guy " .... "

Messiah -vs- Venom
'Criminal' by Eminem hits the PA and out walks Venom down the ramp and to the ring. As he climbs in it, his music is replaced with 'The Bible Is Bullshit' as newcomer, Messiah come out.

SiD " So is that guy a Preacher Man knock off or what?? "

Guy " Why do you always ask me these kinds of questions?? "

SiD " Because you usually have the answers to them "

Guy " Well whatever.. Venom off the top ropes with a flying elbow drop that sends Messiah dwn hard.. As he's getting back up, Venom kicks him in the face like a punter sending him back down!! He slaps an arm wrench on Messiah.. Well almost does.. Messiah rolls clear before the move is completed.. He jumps up on the turnbuckle.. Venom charges at him but Messiah quickly with a lionsault takes him down.. "

A cat appears and starts rubbing against SiD's leg.

SiD " What the..?? "

Guy " It's a cat "

SiD " Duh "

SiD picks up the cat, stands up and hurls it into the ring. It hits Venom in the back and it freaks out and starts clawing at his back.

SiD chuckles, " Ooops!! "

Guy " Good job slick.. Venom's trying to pry the cat off of his back but it looks like it's claws are dug in pretty deep.. Venom drops down on his back and crushes the cat.. He picks it up and bodyslams it!!!! "

SiD starts laughing hysterically.

Guy " He stomps the cat and Messiah charges at him with a clothes line.. Which knock Venom down to the mat.. He picks the cat up again andflings it at Messiah's face!!! The cat bounces off though "

SiD " That's because Venom killed it hehe.. Killing cats is an American thing to do "

Guy " Wait a minute.. What the hell are you talking about?? "

SiD " Killing cats is a right of passage every American boy goes through "

Guy " What?! I never killed any cats when I was a kid "

SiD squints at Guy " I hope you don't mean to tell me that after all this time, you're really a Communist "

Guy " What?! You're insane!!! "

SiD starts laughing hysterically " Aha!! I had you going there didn't I?? "

Guy sighs " I hate this "

SiD " Yeah.. Well at last it's over.. The ref's raising Messiah's hand "

Winner: Messiah
Guy " I wasn't talking about the match "

The camera cuts to the locker room where Johny Electric is in the bathroom taking a shit. Suddenly the lights shut off.

Johny Electric " Hey!! Who's there?!? "

The bang of the stall door being kicked open is heard, followed by the sounds of a scuffle. When the lights come back on we see Johny Electric laying on the bathroom floor, his pants still around his ankles and looks slightly battered. There's a message written on the bathroom mirror in red magic marker that reads, " you'Ve BeeN CRippLeD ". The camera then switches back over to SiD and Guy.

SiD " What was that crap about?? Jumping a man while he's taking a dump is just plain wrong "

Guy " Yeah. I hope he isn't hurt too bad that he can't fight in his next match.. Offhand, do you know what show he's booked for next anyway??

SiD, doing a very poor Church Lady impression, " Hmmm.. Well isn't that Special??? "

Guy " Oh God "

SiD " Gee.. I wonder who it could've been.. "

Guy, sarcastically " Yeah.. I wonder.. The message on the mirror SURE was baffling "

SiD " Who could it possibly have been?? Could it have been.. "

Guy groans, " Don't even.. "

SiD " SATAN?!?! "

Guy " That's it. I'm going to talk to Spidey right after this show about giving you some time off. You need a vacation.. And I need a new co-host.. Even if only for a week or so "

SiD " What?? Piss off!! That was funny!! "

Guy " No SiD, it really wasn't "

SiD " Oh bite me "

Titan -vs- Harley Quinn
An eerie rendition of a caliope played circus theme comes over the PA system and Harley Quinn come cartwheeling down the ramp to the ring. She saults over the rope and then Titan walk out. As he makes his way to the ring, she taunts him by sticking her tongue out at him and with her thumbs to her ears, wiggling her fingers. When he climbs into the ring she flamboyantly bows to him.

SiD " What a goofy broad.. She acts like a little kid "

Guy " Well.. Duh.. She's a clown.. Well a mime.. For cryin out loud.. What else would you expect?? "

SiD " ...... "

Guy " There's the bell and Titan immedatly delivers a kick to Harley's stomach.. "

SiD " Beating women is another American institution to celebrate "

Guy " Harley plops over on her butt and Titan stomps at her!!! She rolls away from the attack and leaps to her feet.. She slaps him and is saying something to him.. Titan shoves her and she falls on her butt again "

SiD " See.. As an American woman she's taking a beating to celebrate the Fourth of July "

Guy " Titan grabs her foot but she kicks him in the face.. She gets up and pokes Titan in the eye!!! Harley kicks him in the groin and then hip tosses him to the mat.. She gives him a fist drop then pinches his nose??? Now she's skipping around the ring saying something "

SiD " I hope she isn't sayin 'Got your nose' "

Guy " Well.. Sad thing is you know she is "

She slips out of the ring and grabs the table.

SiD " Looks like it's a little too heavy for her to lift "

Guy " Yeah.. She's getting it in the ring though..

She pushes the table into the ring and Titan reaches over the ropes and grabs her.

Guy " Titan hoasts Harley up.. And a vertical drop!!! He picks Harley up and hip tosses her onto the table.. He scurries up the turnbuckle.. This is it folks "

A *pop* is heard from the crowd and Titan falls off the turnbuckle, buonces off the ropes and hits the floor outside the ring.

SiD " What the hell?? Someone just shot him!!! "

The crowd initial screams of panic soon turn to cheering, for our fans love bloodshed. The ref rushes over to Titan and waves his hand, signalin tht he is in no condition to continue his match.

SiD " What a jip!! Who shot him "

Guy shrugs his shoulders, " Uh-uh "

Harley stares at Titan in confusion as paramedics rush to the ring and strap Titan down to a gurney. Being unable to finish his match Titan is forced to forfeit.

Winner: Harley Quinn
SiD " Dude, that was fucked up!! That guy's too new to have made any enemies.. Who could it have been?? "

Guy " Look.. I said I don't know. Stop asking me that "

SiD " Sheesh man lighten the fuck up "

Guy " Whatever.. Onto our next match.. "

SiD " Fine "

Guy " Yeah, this next match was originally scheduled to be Booker R against.. Ummm.. Uhhhh.. "

SiD " Mizike "

Guy " Yeah "

SiD " Biznitch "

Guy chuckles, " Yeah, but they cioncidentally both died of food poisining after eating at two seperate McDonald's "

SiD " Well I guess that's more dignified then biting into a chicken head or maggots "

Guy " Ummm.. I guess.. Anyway though the match was changed to feature two other new faces.. "

SiD interupts " That's all this fed has now it seems "

Guy " Yeah, but the match is starting so.. "

The Crippler -vs- The Enforcer
Fire explodes around the entryway and '6 Feet Under' hits the PA. A blue beam of light shines up the ramp and lands on the Crippler who then makes his way down to the ring.
As he climbs into the ring the 'Ruff Ryders Anthem' by DMX fill the air as The Enforcer makes his appearance. The crowd boos him as he walks down the ramp and enters the ring.

SiD smickers, " So that's the Crippler huh?? I was expecting someone bigger "

Guy " Yeah, me too "

SiD " Then again though Johny Electric WAS taking a shit.. Having your pants around your ankles is a definate disadvantage in a fight "

Guy " You speaking from experience?? "

SiD " Uhhh.. "

Guy " Something like that you should remember offhand "

SiD " Yeah well.. "

Guy " Let me guess.. Exposed yourself to a little girl and she beat you up "

SiD " She wasn't a little girl!!! D'oh!! "

Guy busts out laughing.

SiD " Shut up "

Guy " Hehe.. Well The Crippler just triple back belly suplexed The Enforcer.. He stomps him in the face a couple of times before Enforcer rolls out of the way.. He charges Crippler with a clothesline but Crippler ducks.. Enforcer off the ropes and gets dropkicked by the Crippler!!! "

SiD " This match sucks. I'm gonna go get a corndog.. And a PEPSI "

Guy " You do that.. Hey while your out could you grab me a pretzal "

SiD " I could.. But the question is.. WILL I?? "

Guy scoffs, " Forget it then "

SiD gets up from his seat and walks off.

Guy " Spidey, if you're watching this.. Please get me a replacement co-host.. Oh shit.. That was fast!! "

The crippler has The Enforcer pinned and the ref has begun the count.

Guy " There's the three count folks!!! It's over "

Winner: The Crippler
The ref walks into the ring holding a peice of paper a mic.

Ref " The owner of a green Viper, license plate number ######.. You're car is on fire "

Guy " Isn't that Kid Money's car?? "

SiD returns eating his corndog. I wish I had a corndog I'm fucking starving. He has a little cardboard carrier thingy with his drink and the pretzal Guy had requested.

SiD " I love it when there isn't a line!! Oh.. Here's your pretzal "

Guy " Thanks "

SiD " Don't say I never did nothing for you "

Guy " You're so generous "

SiD " Hey!! Where'd The Crippler and Enforcer go?? "

Guy " Crippler beat him "

SiD " Damn "

Bud Brody -vs- Manic -vs- Killer J
Three-Way Scaffold Match
In the middle of the ring stands a 50 ft high scoffold with a bag hanging 4 ft below it's top level. 'Of Wolf And Man' comes across the PA ad out walks Manic to the ring. Befoe he is even in the ring though his music gets replaced with Tazz's theme music as Killer J walks out.

SiD " Tazz is here?! Oh. "

Killer J enters the ring and immediatly attacks Manic as Bud Brody comes out.

Guy " Killer J's already begun the match!!! Brody rushes to the ring and slides in.. Killer's stomping of Manic gets cut short by Brody via a neckbreaker!! Manic dropkicks Brody then runs to the scaffold.. He gets two steps up it before Killer J pulls him down.. Now Killer J begins to scale their objective but is too pulled down.. by Bud Brody.. Brody starts climbing it but then Manic grabs him by the pants and pulls him to the mat.. Manic again, tries to ascend the scaffold, Killer J stops him though.. "

SiD " This is worse than a ladder match "

Guy " Yeah it is "

SiD " You know what that means don't you?? "

Guy " I'm afraid to ask "

SiD " It's time for more diversionary banter!! "

Guy " Great "

SiD " You start "

Guy " Ok.. Well.. So, yesterday was 'Judgment Day' "

SiD snickers, " Yeah, I guess we passed "

Guy " Yup "

Silence.

SiD " What's in that bag?? "

Guy " Nothing. The bag is just a token "

SiD " Oh. "

SiD starts strumming his fingers along the table and Guy lets out a deep sigh.

SiD stands up, puts his hand over his heart and starts singing " Oh beautiful, for spacious skies. For amber waves of grain. For purple mountain's majesty. Above the fruited plains.. America.. America.. God shed his light on thee. And crown thy good, With brotherhood. From sea.. To.. Shining.. Sea "

He sits back down.

Guy " ..... "

SiD sighs loudly.

Guy " Ummm.. Well look!! Bud Brody just powerbombed Manic into the turnbuckle!!! "

SiD " Yay the racing is over!!! "

Guy " Killer J rushes up behind Bud and bulldog's him!!! He slaps a figure four leg-lock on Bud as Manic shakes the starts out of his head.. Manic gives Brody an elbow drop.. Then stomps J in the groin!!! "

SiD " Ouch "

Guy " Manic having broken his move, J hits him with a right hook, followed by a leg drag.. Brody comes up behind them and gives Killer J a solid punch in the back!!! J falls to his knees.. Manic makes a dash for the scaffold again.. "

SiD " Here we go again.. "

Guy Brody grabs him though and knees him in the face.. He reverse belly suplexes him then monkey flips him outof the ring!!! "

Manic goes flying in he direction of the announcer's table.

SiD " Yo!!! "

Killer J starts climbing the scoffold. Brody, seeing this races to scale the other side of it.

Guy " Killer J and Brody are both climbing opposite ends of the scoffold.. Both showing fatigue and struggling their way up.. They reach the top.. "

The two wrestlers look up and see that their opponent is on top too, then scurry across the scaffold to it's center.

Guy " They lock-up.. "

SiD " If one of them falls.. It's ain't gonn be pretty.. "

Guy " Brody headbutts Killer J and throws him off the scoffold!!! Wait!! J's not out yet!!! "

Killer J grabbed Bud Brody's leg, which pulled him halfway threw the scoffold's top rungs. His crotch being what stopped him, leaving him now straddling it.

SiD " OoooohHH!!! Another ball buster!! GOTTA hurt!! "

Guy " Brody's struggling to keep on the scaffold.. While at the same time trying to shake J off his leg!!! "

SiD " J's going for the bag!!! "

Guy " He is!!! He doesn't even care about his peril!!! "

SiD " Well the way the fed is now.. You gotta pull stunts like that to get recognition "

Guy " I guess "

Killer J reaches for the bag, but it is just out of his reach. He starts swinging back and forth, attempting to get closer. Brody tightens his grip on the scaffold and starts kicking at Killer J with the leg J's not clinging to.

SiD " This looks like a circus act.. Hey, Manic's halfway up the scoffold!! "

Bud Brody finally manages to shake Killer J off his leg and J catches hold of the suspended bag.

Guy " He got it!! "

SiD " Yeah.. But now he's gotta get down in one peice with it "

Guy " Good point. Brody's raching down for the bag.. Manic from behind though punches him in the head!!! Broday loses his grip and falls off the edge!!! He barely manages to grab a rung and Manic starts punching his fingers!!! Killer J is trying to climb up the bag's rope.. The rope is coming untwined though!!! Manic knocks Bud Brody's hand loose!!! He grabs Manic though and they both plummit to the mat bellow!!! "

SiD " The rope suspending the bag and Killer J just snapped!!! "

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGANCY BROADCASTING SYSTEM.. SHOULD THIS HAVE BEEN AN ACTUAL EMERGANCY YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED ON THE PROPER EMERGANCY PROCEDURES.. THIS IS ONLY A TEST

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Winner: Killer J
Guy " DAMN WHAT A MATCH!!! The way they all evaded certain death at the last moment was unbeleivable!!! "

SiD " I KNOW!!! THAT WAS NUTS!!! It may have started out boring but.. Man did it get exciting towards the end!!!! "

Guy " Well duh.. They always do. It's only the early part of those kind of matches that are boring.. Same as basket ball "

SiD " No they don't most suck begining to end "

Guy " Well whatever.. That's all the time we have for this Fourth of uly presentation of Wednsday Night Havok.. On behalf ofSiD and myself I want to remind you to drik responsibly... "

SiD " ..And don't go blowing your fingers off with fireworks!!! Ashcans can kill!!! "

Guy " Yes they can.. But anyway.. We hope you enjoy our firework perenstation.. Good Night "

The credits roll and fireworks lights up the sky. The most colorful and elaborate fireworks you have ever seen. Truelly breath-taking and stunning. ( Close your eyes and rub them real hard to simulate the effect).

RMWF

SpiderMan7788@aol.com

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Page Updated Mon Dec 17, 2001 2:52pm EST