Wednsday Night Havok 7-25-01 - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives2/7_25_01_Wednsday_Night

Guy " Well welcome yet again to another Wednsday Night Havok. I'm Guy Mandell and here with me as usual is SiD Nasty.. "

SiD " '..Tonight's show should be a good one..' blah blah blah "

Guy grimices at SiD, " Was that nessecary? "

SiD " Yes. I'm so sick of all the needless babble. It just wastes time "

Guy " Well, part of being an announcer SiD is.. Quess what? Announcing "

SiD, mumbling to himself, " More like a guy who likes to here himself talk if you ask me "

Guy " What was that? "

SiD " Nothin.. Let's just get this show rolling okay "

Guy " Gladly "

Shellshocker -vs- C.J.
Cage Match
Some unknown song comes on the PA, as C.J. walks out the lyric "Ludicrous" can be heard i the song. He makes his way down the ramp then stops when he sees the ring is surrounded by a steel cage. As he looks to the announcer's table for an expliation, Shellshoker walks out then too pauses at the site of the cage. SiD leans over and turns on the big steel arena mic.

SiD " What you guys' never seen a steel cage before? Your match got altered a bit, deal with it.. "

He turns the mic back off as the two wrestlers climb into the ring through the side door.

SiD " What a couple of chumps "

Gary Coleman steps up and locks the door.

Guy " Well it's understandable that they were surprised "

The bell rings and C.J. and Shellshocker lock up.

SiD " ..Yeah, but unprofessional for them to act it "

Gary hops back to the floor, brushing his hands together.

Guy " True.. At any rate though the match is already underway.. "

SiD " Yipee "

Guy rolls his eyes and shakes his head, " C.J. take control with a super belly suplex!! "

SiD " Oh yeah.. Just so you people watching know, C.J. used to be Justin. He changed his name last week "

Guy " Thank you for the clarification SiD "

SiD " Hey.. I'm sure a few out there were wondering. Our fans can't be as on the ball as you are Mr. Smart person "

Guy " Whatever.. C.J. hits Shellshocker with a right hook!! He thrws another a him but Shellshocker grabs his arm and slaps a Pittsburg armlock on him!! "

When Shellshocker releases his opponent he slaps him on the back in a gesture of comrodary.

SiD " What was that all about? "

Guy " Oh you didn't know? Those two are buddies "

SiD " So what.. They're just out there wrestling for fun then? That's kind of lame, they could've just fought each other at home then "

Guy " What are you talking about? Alot of the RMWF's wrestlers are friends with one another yet still fight "

SiD " Like who? "

Guy " Ummm.. Well Neep and Fraser Newlands for one "

SiD chuckles, " They don't count though, they're exibitionists "

Guy " I thought we agreed we wouldn't make any gay jokes or referances about those two any more "

SiD " I didn't. Now if I'd said 'Those two only fight each other in the ring because when it comes to their foreplay, they're exibitionists.. Yet like to keep their ass-pounding.. "

Guy " SiD.. "

SiD " '..butt-slamming, hot and sweaty love fest behind closed doors', now THAT would be a gay 'joke or referance' "

Guy " SiD! "

SiD laughs, " So, Shellshocker lifts C.J. to his feet and slaps on a vertical arm wrench.. As he lets go, C.J. grabs Shell's arm and gives him a Venicien elbow punch! Then he follows with a swinging neckbreaker!! "

Guy " Wow, you're actually doing some of the announcing "

SiD " Anything to avoid a 'scoulding' from you.. There's the cover!! "

Guy " Ummm.. SiD.. Cage match "

SiD " Oh.. Yeah.. Shocker whips C.J. into the corner.. He charges him with a shoulder tackle but C.J. evades and Shocker hits the turbuckles hard!! C.J. climbs up them and..

C.J. places his opponent's head between his thighs.

SiD " What's he doing? Trying to make Shellshocker suck his dick? "

He jumps off the turnbuckles, slamming Shellshocker's head against the matt.

Guy " No SiD.. He's not. It's called an Angel Drop "

SiD " Oh.. If you say so "

Guy "Well I do.. Anyway.. C.J. begins to scale the cage.. Shocker is barely moving.. "

C.J. reaches the top of the cage as Shellshocker finally gets back to his feet.

Guy " Shocker rushes to shake hm off the cage but it's too late.. C.J. is already decending the outside of the cage "

C.J. ater having climbed half way down jumps off the cage to the ground below.

Winner: C.J.
The cameras show Ashura leaving the express elevator that goes to Spidey's office. She marches angrily across the lobby and bumbps into Killer J who is standing by the receptionist's desk, hitting on her.

Wes Andrews" Hey watch where your going bitch! "

Ashura " What did you call me? "

Wes Andrews " Did I stutter? Bitch "

Ashura blinks in amazement and grabs Wes's head and slams her knee into his face. She then draws a knife from her boot and slits his throat. The receptionist screams for security as Neep enters the building. He looks nauseous from the site of the freshly murdered wrestler and places his hands over his mouth as Ashura walks past him and out the main doors. Neep averts his eyes from Wes's dead body and rushes to the elevator. The camera then cuts over to the office of Spidey, where he is sitting in his hover chair watching Havok on the TVs lining the wall. The elevator bell bings, the doors open and Neep comes stomping out into the office.

Spidey " Now what? "

Neep " Spidey! We gotta talk! "

Spidey sighs, " Here we go again... "

Neep " I was robbed! "

Spidey " Tell it to security Neep. I couldn't care less "

Neep " No! I mean I was robbed out of a win on the PPV "

Spidey " Oh. So what? "

Neep " I demand restition! "

Spidey " Huh? "

Neep " Set things right! "

Spidey " I know what 'restition' means "

Neep " Oh! Well that's what I want! "

Spidey " Cut to the chase man "

Neep " I lost the match because your ref, Gary Coleman.. Attacked me! "

Spidey starts laughing.

Neep " It's not funny! "

Spidey " Yeah it is "

Neep " It is not! He cost me the match! "

Spidey is still laughing as Neep balls up his fists and waves them in the air.

Neep " Stop laughing! It's not funny! "

Spidey stiffles his laughter, " It is though.. Hehe.. So 'Gary Coleman cost you your match'.. What pray tell would you have me do about it? Hehe "

Neep " I want him in the ring! A Hardcore match! "

Spidey falls out of his seat in a hysterical fit of laughter.

Neep " Stop laughing! I wish to exact my revenge "

Spidey " Hehe.. Oh man, Neep.. You're too damn much! "

Neep " What? "

Spidey " Tell you what.. I'll give you the match. For no other reason though than I think it'd be funny "

Neep " Funny my ass! I'll clobber him! "

Spidey chuckles to himself.

Neep " Stop laughing! And enough with the gay jokes! I AM NOT GAY!!! "

Spidey " You're not? "

Neep " NO!!! "

Spidey " Oh. Well what about Fraser.. He's gay right? "

Neep " NO!! I AM NOT GAY!! FRASER NEWLANDS IS NOT GAY EITHER!! "

Spidey " Okay okay.. I get your point. Where is ol Fraser by the way? "

Neep shrugs his shoulders " Beats me "

The camera's cut over to the infamous Hollywood Blvd, where we see a solitary woman standing on the corner. Suddenly a car pulls up to her and a man steps out. He is recognized to be Charlie Sheen. The two other men in the car's identities are that of Eddie Murphy and Danny Bonadouche.

Woman " What will it be gentlemen? The usual? "

Charlie " You know it "

In the manner of a true gentlemen, Charlie Sheen opens the back door for the woman and she climbs inside the car. He closes the door behind her then returns to the passenger's side. He closes his door and as the car pulls away the camera catches the "woman"'s face. It is Fraser Newlands in drag.

The cameras return to SiD and Guy.

Sparten -vs- Roxanne
Guy " Spartan punches Roxanne square in the chest, then snapmares her!! "

SiD " Snapmare with authority hehe "

Guy shoots SiD a puzzled look. SiD just chuckles.

Guy " Ok.. Spartan slaps on a.. "

Roxanne gets free before he could do whatever move he was going to do.

SiD " A nothin! "

Guy " He grabs her and.. A German suplex!! Followed by.. A German suplex!! And another!! "

SiD " It's called a MULTIPLE German suplex, Guy "

Guy " Shut up "

SiD just snickers. Suddenly the crod starts cheering as "The Immortal Chris Heid come walking out and down the ramp.

SiD " Who invited him? "

Guy " Roxanne's his manager and girlfriend.. Or wife maybe "

SiD " Doesn't answer my question "

"The Immortal" Chris Heid slides into the ring and holds his newly won Hardcore Belt above his head. The ref rushes over to him and starts yelling at him and pointing for him to leave the ring.

SiD " Just go already Chris "

Spartan waits impatiently for the matches interuption to pass, as "The Immortal" passes Roxanne his HC Belt.

SiD " Hmmmm.. "

Guy " Well the ref and Chris Heid are still arguing as.. Roxanne runs over to Spartan and smashes him in the side of the head with the Hardcore Belt!!! He hits the mat, cradling his bleeding head!!! She gives him a fist drop with the Belt!!! "

"The Immortal" looks over the ref's shoulder and seeing that Roxanne has now taken a strong lead, nods to the ref, turns and exits the ring. The ref turns to face the two opponents as Roxanne nails Spartan with a shooting star press.

Guy " There's the cover folks! "

SiD " That's pretty cheap if you ask me "

Guy " Good thing no one did "

SiD " Piss off "

Guy " That's it.. We have our winner "

Winner: Roxanne
( Shit break )

The camera shows a security guard seated at a small desk in a dark part of the RMWF's Headquarters. He stands up at the site of a pale man dressed in all black nearing him.

Security guard " Hey! This area's closed to the public buddy! "

Man " I am looking for a traveling companion of mine, Zeb. She is a love slave in a cluster lizard skin. Have you seen her? "

Security guard " I guess you didn't hear me huh buddy? Beat it! or else! "

The guard draws his pistol and points it at the man.

Man " I heard you quite perfectly. You failed to answer my question though "

Security guard " That's it asshole.. Either you turn around right this second and leave or I'll open fire "

Man " How could one open fire? "

Security guard " Well, it looks like your about to find out then buddy! "

The guard shoots the man three times in the chest. The man however barely even flinches.

Man " A simple 'No' would have sufficed "

Security guard " H-how? That should've k-killed you! "

Man " Should it have? Well perhaps your answer lies in the fact that you can't kill what is already dead "

The pale man shoots a curved blade from his wrist that is conected to it by a cable. It arcs around the security guard and returns to the man's wrist, passing through the guard 's heart on the way.

Man " I really do not like this planet "

Punisher & -vs- Primal Punishers
The camera cuts over to the green room where Steve the Heater and "Insane" Scotty Slam are sitting, watching Havok and drinking Gatorade.

Scotty " I guess we should head out now huh? "

Steve " Nah.. Hold up "

He pulls out his cell phone and punches in a number, Scotty looks at him with confusion.

Steve " Hey.. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Alright! "

Steve hangs up the phone and looks annoyed.

Steve " Sheesh! "

Scotty what was that all about? "

Steve " Don't worry about it. Let's get going. "

The two stand up and wak out te door. The camera follows them down the corridor where the sound of cheering fans grows louder. The camera switches back to the ring area as Scotty and Steve walk out of the entryway and down the ramp to the ring. The fans cheer wildly and the stands flicker with flash photography. Scotty and Steve pace around the ring waiting for their opponents to arrive.

SiD " Hmmm.. "

Guy " Will you stop doing that SiD? "

SiD " Doing what?

Guy " Saying 'Hmm..'.. It's really annoying "

SiD grumbles, " Fine.. It desn't look like Punisher and Zues are going to show up though.. "

Guy " I think you might be right.. Which is srange, since they're pretty good wrestlers "

SiD " Yeah. If I was a bettin man.. ", He glances around nervously. " I would have put my money on them "

Guy " Likewise "

Gary Coleman walks out and climbs into the ring, carrying a foot stool. Saying nothing he sets the stool between Steve and Scotty, climbs up it and raises their arms.

Winner: Primal Punishers
SiD " So much for that "

The cameras cut to the locker room where Miss Spice is just stepping out of the shower. No, she's not naked, she's wearing a towel. She walks over to her locker, opens it and takes out her clothes. When she closes the door, Snakebite is revealed to be standing there.

Miss Spice " Get out of here creep! I'm trying to change! "

Snakebite " Oh don't mind me. In fact.. Here.. Let me help you "

He reaches out and snatches the towel off of her. She respondes by elbowing him in the face. She grabs for her towel but he doesn't let go of it. The begin a game of tug of war.

Miss Spice " Let go you fucking pervert! "

Snakebite " Sure thing baby.. If you give me a little sugar "

Miss " 'A lil sugar'? For you, anything "

She knees him in the groin. As he doubles over, she throws her leg over his shoulder then uses it to flip him over and through a nearby bench.

Snakebite " Ouch! That almost hurt "

He gets back up and brushes himself off as Miss Spice wraps her towel back around her body.

Miss Spice " Well that's just a taste of what's to come on Saturday.. I'll do much worse to you then "

Snakebite starts walking away, " Yeah.. Saturday you'll be tasting cum alright. Ya damn tease "

The cameras cut back to the arena.

Grant "Neep" Turner -vs- Gary Coleman
The lights dim and 'Flower of Scotland' hits the PA as Neep walks out, waving to the crowd. The audiences response to him is a mixture of applause and laughter. As he climbs into the ring, 'Size Ain't Shit' by The Ghetto Boys replaces his music as RMWF special ref, Gary Coleman struts out of the entryway and down the ramp to the ring.

SiD " What the hell is this crap? "

Guy " Ummm.. Weren't you paying attention before? "

SiD " Do I ever? "

Guy " Touche`. Well Neep challenged Gary Coleman to a match "

SiD busts out laughing.

Guy " My sentiments exactly "

SiD " Well if Gary's fighting, who's the ref gonna be? "

Guy points to the entryway, where Mr. T steps out from then procedes down to the ring.

Guy " Gary isn't our only special ref you know "

SiD " Oh. Yeah "

The bell rings and Neep charges after Gary, who just runs away from him.

SiD " Haha! "

Guy " Neeps just chasing Gary around the ring.. Wait.. Gary scurries up the turnbuckle and hit Neep with a flying cross body block!! Neep catches him though and gives him a spinning piledriver!!!

Neep picks Gary up and begins spinning around, swinging Gary by his feet. SiD starts laughing again.

Guy " Neep tosse Gary across the ring and into the turnbuckles.. "

Neep makes a fist and swings his bent arm back in a 'Yes!' gesture.

Guy " Neep walks over to Gary and reaches for him, but Gary gives him an uppercut to the groin!! He slides between Neep's legs and gets back to his feet.. "

Gary pulls Neep's pants down and SiD starts laughing... again.

Guy " Hehe.. Gary pulled down Neep's pants!! As Neep is fumbling to get them back up, Gary dropkicks him! He follows with an ankle-lock!! "

SiD " Jesus Christ!! "

Guy " What? "

SiD " Neep's hung like a horse! No wonder Fraser Newlands doesn't fight much.. It probably takes him weeks to recover from that monster! "

Guy " You could be right there. Assuming that is that Neep and Fraser Newlands were gay lovers... And you know what they say about when you assume "

SiD " Huh? "

Guy " You make an ass out of you and me "

SiD " I was hoping you wouldn't say that corny shit "

Guy " It's true though "

SiD " You're not saving any face by elaborating on it Guy "

Guy " Well ANYWAY.. Neep lifts Gary up in a full Nelson..

Gary's kicking his feet and screaming.

Guy " Neep reverse back belly suplexes to America's former favorite child star! "

SiD " The Gooch would be proud "

Gary " Neep follows up with a small package and a displeased Mr. T begins the count....1.....2 "

SiD " Countin a little slow there big guy "

Guy " ..3!! We have a winner "

Neep gets off of Gary and begins jumping up and down, fists in the air, Rocky style.

SiD " Big surprise "

Winner: Neep
Guy " Well that should keep Neep content for awhile "

SiD " Yeah right. Can we get onto a REAL match now? "

Guy " Yeah.. Our Main Event is up next "

SiD " Good "

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Page Updated Mon Dec 17, 2001 2:52pm EST