Wednsday Night Havok 6-6-01 - The Return Of The RMWF - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives2/6_6_01_Wednsday_Night

The camera pans across a stadium packed with thousands of screaming fans and flickering strobe and spotlights. The background music that had been playing over the PA system subsides and the spotlights all turn their focus to the center ring where Christopher Walken is standing with a microphone in his hand.

Christopher Walken " Welcome.. Ladies.. Gentleman.. And you little children too.. I am as pleased.. No.. HONORED as I am humbled to be here in the cold and dark, yet enchantingly beautiful Norway tonight.. For this truelly is a glorious occasion.. Now, I remember just a few short weeks ago when we were all devistated by the news the Prez of the RMWF announced.. That himself and the Vice-Prez, Spider-Man were closing down the fed.. Many of us immediatly found ourselves lost and empty inside and truelly without hope.. A very few found refuge in the arms of the NFWA, while others in fits of dispair, tragically ended their own very existances. Such a pity. Oh well.. However.. One night.. "

He grins then winks at the camera.

Christophr Walken " This is where it picks up.. After many other sleepless nights.. One of these nights in peticular Spider-Man called me up on the telephone. Woke me up in fact."

He smirks and cocks his head to the side and continues.

Christopher Walken " He told me that he knew what had to be done and thus concluded that he just couldn't go on he way he had been.. He said he simply could not allow the world to remain deprived of the one true thing that has given meaning to the lives of so many.. That would be the RMWF.. I told him though never to call me that late again and then I hung up on him. "

He chuckles to himself and shrugs his shoulders.

Christopher Walken " Hey, I wanted to go back to sleep. What can I say??? Anyway though it wasn't long before the rumors and news of his decision slipt out to the public and anticipation began to build.. That anticipation grew and grew.. Like a weed.. And it kept on growing until now, this day, this moment, this sheer instance in time.. Where that it will all be unleashed.. Yeah "

He nods to the camera with a smirk.

Christopher Walken " Well.. Without any further adue.. As I stand here before you I am over-joyed to say.. THE RMWF IS BACK BABY!!!!! "

The stadium thunders with the cheers and applause of all of it's fans as they all rise to their feet. After a few minutes they quiet down long enough for Christopher Walken to speak a few more words.

Christopher Walken " And now.. The man himself.. Whom we have to thank for all of this.. Ladies.. Gentlemen.. I give you.. SPIDER-MAN!!!! "

Spider-Man walks out of the wrestler's entryway and again the stadium's audience drowns out all other sound with their cheers. They begin chanting his name and Spidey nods his head at all of them and makes his way down the ramp to the ring. He leap over the ropes and walks over to Christopher Walken who hands him the mic.

Spidey " Thank-you!! Thank-you.. "

He pauses a moment to absorb the crowds cheers before holding up a hand and gesturing for silence.

Spidey " It's great to be back... You didn't actually think that The World's Greatest Wrestling Federation Ever could stay dismantled did you??? "

The audience cheers wildly.

Spidey " Give Christopher Walken another round of applause for such a touching introduction.. "

Yet again the stadium thunder's with the cheering of thousands.

Spidey " Okay.. Now Guy couldn't be here with us tonite because he's still on vacation at some spiritual retreat in the Bahamas.. He should be back however for Saturday, which will be a new show for the RMWF.. Saturday Night Special. SiD "The King" Nasty however IS here with me and well.. That's it.. It's just me and SiD tonite.. "

The audience cheers fanatically and Spider-Man gestures again for them to be silent as he vaults over the turnbuckle and walks over to the announcer's table.

SiD " You're such a ham "

Spider-Man shrugs his shoulders and takes a seat behind the table next to SiD.

Spidey " Hey I'm just glad to be back.. Ain't you?? "

SiD " Yeah, Don't I feel so lucky to be "

Spidey " You should man "

SiD " Why??? When the Prez announced the closing of the fed I was overcome with joy.. I got on unemployment and I thought I'd finally have some time to persue a few of my dreams "

Spidey " You have dreams SiD??? Awwww that's so cute!! "

SiD " Man fuck you.. I should've known it was too good to be true.. Now, as if the RMWF wasn't bad enough BEFORE.. Now it's going to be run solely by you.. Things are going to be disgusting "

Spidey " Disgusting??? First of all ever since I joined the staff way back in September it was ME.. not the Prez that actually ran this fed.. So nothing will be differant.. And you should learn some gratitude as well buddy.. Without The RMWF you wouldn't have a job.. You have absolutly no job skills and obvious problems interacting with others.. Your ass would go bankrupt fast!!! "

SiD " Whatever.. Save the lectures and let's just get this thing over with "

Spidey " Now that's the enthusiasm I like to hear "

SiD throws Spider-Man a glance of resentment and annoyance in which Spidey neglects to notice.

Spidey " Alright then.. Our first match is going to be a broken glass, barbedwire match.. Which for you neandrothals out there that can't figure out what that is, it's simply barbedwire twined around the ropes and broken glass.. As well as thumb tacks & nails scattered across the mat "

SiD "Thank you for clearing that up.. I'm sure most of our viewers aren't bright enough to have deduced that on ther own "

Spidey " Are you being sarcastic??? "

SiD " I wish I was "

Spidey " Yeah whatever.. Okay folks here we go with our first match "

Pig Vomit -vs- WildKat

Nails & Broken Glass Match
Suddenly 'Blood For You' blasts across the PA and the crowd goes wild as out struts Pig Vomit. Occompaning him to the ring is his wife and manager, the 'ever-lovely' Sharon. As they reach the ring and Pig Vomit enters it, his music dies off and is replaced by some white trash rock song probably by Aerosmith, as WildKat appears at the entryway. The crowd cheers and gives her catcalls as she walks down the walkway and to the ring.

SiD " Great.. Pig Vomit "

Spidey " SiD.. Shut up "

SiD " Ain't That Pig Vomit's boy Preacher Man's wife though?? It ain't Kosher for them to be fighting"

Spidey " Kosher??? What're you a Jew??? And our roster is so slim everyone fights everyone for now "

SiD " Don't call me a Jew "

Spidey " Whatever.. There's the bell and the two wrestlers lock-up.. Pig Vomit whips WildKat into the ropes then nails her with a charging clothesline!!! He stomps her a couple of times before alowing her to get back to her feet.. When she does, she greets him with an uppercut that obviosly surprised the final King of the Ring and Pig Vomit stumbles backwards and is then brought down with a leg drag!!!! "

SiD " Leg drags are so cheep.. Stupid looking too "

Spidey " Yeah well.. Every move can't be dazzling and elaborate "

SiD " When I used to wrestle.. ALL my moves were complex and stylish "

Spidey " Really?? And what was your favorite signiture move??? The 'Turn Tale & Run Like a Little Bitch'??? "

SiD " Fuck you!!! Where the hell do you come up with that garbage??? I was talented!!! "

Spidey " I saw your last 'comeback' match against Pig Vomit.. You ran "

SiD " That's just because I didn't want to get pissed on.. That man is disgusting "

Spidey " Yeah yeah yeah.. Anyway there goes Pig Vomit off the turnbuckle with a lionsault that sends Kat down like a ton of bricks!!!! Pig Vomit mounts her and starts pummeling her.. WildKat knocks him off and slides out of the ring to the safety of a non-glass covered floor. She gives PV the finger & is egging him to come out of the ring as the ref reaches 3 of a count out "

SiD " Now that's a ploy I haven't seen in awhile.. The old 'I'll Win By Tring To Get The Other Guy Counted Out' "

Spidey " I bet you perfected it huh??? "

SiD " Hey.. A win is a win "

Spidey " Well Pig Vomit isn't going for it and is just standing center ring tapping his foot impatiently as the ref counts 5.. WildKat flashes PV her tits.. But that doesn't see to coax him any "

SiD " Awww man.. She put her top back on!!! What the fuck???? "

Spidey " Kat seemed to piss off Sharon though by trying to tempt her man.. Cause she comes running up behind the biker slut and punches her upside the head!!!! Kat stumbles a bit and Sharon slams her head against the apron!!! "

SiD " There's the 8 count.. "

Spidey " Sharon scoops up a handfull of glass from the ring & is rubbing it in Kat's face trying to make her eat it!!! Haha!! Here comes Pig Vomit.. He reaches down and grabs Kat.. He suplexes her back into the ring as the ref counts 10!!!! "

SiD " Did she get back in the ring in time??? "

Spidey " Hmmm.. The ref is saying she did.. Looks like Pig Vomit and Sharon are squabbling about something "

SiD " She's probably just jealous cause Kat has bigger tits than she does "

Spidey " Small tits are nicer.. Especially if their on a 16 yr old girl "

SiD " True "

Spidey " Well it looks like the little lover's spat's over and Pig Vomit turns in time to see the battered WildKat climb up to the turnbuckle.. He smirks at her & gives her a 'Bring It On' type gesture.. And that she does with a spinning hurricanranna that takes Pig Vomit down!!!! "

SiD " That guy's such an arrogant prick. Hopefully his cockyness will cost him this match.. The guy's not THAT good to be so undefeated "

Spidey " I dunno.. He really is a remarkable wrestler.. When he wants to be.. Kat had Pig Vomit in a reverse bear hug but he broke the hold with a back-head butt that looks like it may have broken his opponent's nose!!! Kat rolls off of him and nurses her bloody nose and then takes a kick to the ribs that sends her into the barbed ropes!!! Before she can untangle herself from them, Pig Vomit kicks at her again.. And again.. WildKat grabs PV's foot before he can deliver a third & pulls him to the mat!!!! Freeing herself from the ropes she finds the strength to apply a small package to the man & the ref begins counting.. 1.. Pig Vomit grabs the barbedwire rope.. Breakin the pin.. He pulls himself up by the barbedwire forcing Kat to release him... Now that's tough.. He grabs Kat by the hair and smears his bloody hand in her face before slamming her head into the turnbuckle!!!! "

SiD " That's just foul.. I bet Pig Vomit just gave her AIDS.. This is still pretty boring though.. They've been fighting in that one corner for what??? 10 minutes now???? TRY GOING TO THE CENTER OF THE RING ASSHOLES!!!! "

Spidey " Pig Vomit sets Kat atop the turnbuckles and monkey flips her center ring!!!! I guess he heard you Sid "

SiD scoffs.

Spidey " Pig Vomit slides over & there's the cover.. The ref counts down the pin.. 1.. Mmmmm.. Look at her squirming to get free.. 3.. That's it Pig Vomit wins it "

Winner: Pig Vomit
SiD " Yeah.. Big deal.. He pulled an Andy Kauffman and beat a woman "

Spidey " Well you know had there been a man up here he probably would have beat him too "

SiD " Yeah whatever.. I bet you 50 bucks though we won't hear from Pig Vomit for a month "

Spidey " Hmmmm... Gambling within the fed is unethical.. And besides.. Don't you remember what happened the last time you placed bets??? "

SiD scoffs, " A simple 'No' would have been good enough "

Spidey " Well then no "

SiD " And like you should talk anyway.. Didn't you win the fed off the Prez in a poker match??? "

Spidey " No.. The Prez sold it too me for $10 "

SiD " $10!!! That's it??? "

Spidey " Well.. He had run out of crack you see.. "

SiD " ..And you took advantage of him "

Spidey " Hey.. One man's loss is another man's gain.. And besides.. I'm only really babysitting it for him.. I'll let him have it back when he gets his shit together "

SiD " What a friend "

Spidey " If you only knew.. But anyway enough with the talk.. Our next match is about to start "

Black Widow -vs- Bodygaurd

Cage Match
Bodygaurd walks out to the ring and is met with an orcastra of boos. Then Soviet National Anthem comes over the PA and Black Widow walks down the walkway to the ring, receiving a mixture of cheers and boos. The two enter the opposing cage doors and the ref locks first the one on Bodyguard's side, then the other.

SiD " Wow.. It's been a long time since we've seen her.. TOO long is ya ask me "

Spidey " Yeah.. She took off in November to lead a Cu I think "

SiD " Bless you.. Hehe.. But wasn't she your girl or something??? "

Spidey " Nah.. She was just my bodygaurd "

SiD " Bodyguard?? And you say I'm a pussy??? "

Spiderman glares at SiD.

Spidey " You know damn well I could snap your spine like a twig.. I simply had her on my payroll to kill those I didn't want to dirty my heads with "

SiD " Oh "

Spidey " There goes Bodyguard with a clothesline which Widow casually ducks.. She gives him a helicoptor kick that connects with the back of his head and sends him reeling into the cage wall. She tries to whip him but he's clenching the cage!!! "

SiD " Haha!!! What a pussy "

Spidey " Bodyguard gives her a mule kick but she grabs his foot and gives hin a reverse knee-breaker which forces him to let go of the fence and sends him to the mat!!! "

SiD " Didn't the fed he started have people posing as you and me in it??? "

Spidey " Yup.. Even Gary Coleman and Mr. T imposters.. Two blind refs too "

SiD " Sheesh!! That's fuckin riduculous!!! "

Spidey " Yeah.. It's almost as bad as Deadman's fed named The Real Man's EXTREME Wrestling Fed which even had our cheezy red demon logo "

SiD blinks, " What.. Is no one original these days?? I mean come on now.. It ain't like this fed is gold or nothin.. We wing it.. It's fuckin pathetic people would even WANT to bite us off!!! "

Spidey " You're tellin me.. Bodyguard from behind slaps.. Well he tries for a hammerlock but Widow kicked him in the face.. She follows with a double jab combo and takes him down with a scissor kick!!! She pulls him back to his feet by his arm then flips him kung-fu style.. Then solidy stomps the arm!!!!

SiD " Did she break his it???? "

Spidey " Well judging that the bone is jutting out I'd have to say yes "

SiD " Hey!!! I'm supposed to be the wie-ass not you!!! "

Spidey " Oh please.. Black Widow kicks him over on his stomach and mounts him.. This could be it.. Yup.. She drove her knee into his back and is pulling his head back by the chin.. Her Widow Maker!!! "

SiD " You can see the pain in that kid's eyes.. There's the tap out "

Spidey " The ref looks a little preoccupied with digging for belly button lint to have seen that though.. Wait.. There.. He finally sees the kid tapping out and goes over there to.. Oh well.. Too late "

SiD " Black Widow snapped Bodyguard's spine.. "

Winner by DQ: Black Widow
SiD " How many people has she killed like that??? "

Spidey " I'm not sure.. Between that and her other finisher I'd say about 75% of her opponents "

SiD " I think she just needs some dick "

Spidey " I doubt your her type "

SiD " What??? SiD "The King" Nasty is EVERY woman's type "

Spidey " She's arguably one of the fed's best wrestlers ever.. You suck in the ring.. She's drop-dead gorgous.. Your old and fat.. Need I continue??? "

SiD " Sounds to me like you got the hots for her yourself "

Spidey " I don't date wrestlers "

SiD " Ahaha I was right.. YOU DO!!! "

Spidey grabs SiD's throat.

Spidey " Shut up "

SiD gasps a bit and Spider-Man releases him.

Spidey " Now where's Gary??? It's time for the final match "

Gary Coleman waves to the announcer's table from ring side.

Gary Coleman " Right here Boss "

Spidey " Oh okay "

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Page Updated Mon Dec 17, 2001 2:52pm EST