Saturday Night Special 6-23-01 - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives2/6_23_01_Saturday_Night

The camera shows a mob of angry protesters outside of the RMWF's Headquarters who are yelling and waving picket signs which read, 'Goldust is a FaG!' and 'Down with Dust', to name a few. The camera pans up to the balcony where Jamal is standing nd drinking a sixteen ounce can of Midnight Dragon. He turns around and walks into the building then the camera's switch over to Vice-Prez Spider-Man sitting in his hover chair watching the wall of TVs. Jamal enters the room.

Spidey " They still out there?? "

Jamal " Yup "

Spidey says in a menacing Mr. Burns tone, " Excellent. You can't buy the kind of publicity Goldust has brought us. I just hope he sticks around long enough to continue sturring up trouble "

Jamal " Whatchoo mean boss?? "

Spidey " You know how he disappears for weeks on end "

Jamal " Oh dats right, my bad "

The wall of TVs show that Havok's first match is about to start.

Spidey " Well the shows starting so shut up "

The camera zooms in on the TV screens then fades into the show they was displaying.

Big Bo -vs- Pain -vs- ?????
Survivor Match
'Push It' by Static-X hits the A and out walks Pain. He walks down to the ring and climbs in as Big Bo makes his way down to the ring. Lastly, the mytery wrester comws out, wearing a wresling mask. He slinks down the ramp to the ring and the three wait for the bell. When it rings the three charge at one another.

Guy " The mystery man tries to clothesline Pain but he trips over his own feet and just collides into him and they both go down!!! "

SiD cackles.

Guy " Big Bo runs over for an elbow drop which nails the mystery man in the head.. So SiD, what nickname should we give this mystery wrestler??

SiD " Otis "

Guy " Nah "

SiD " Mr. Dobolina, Mr. Bob Dobolina?? "

Guy chuckles, " No "

SiD " Timothy "

Guy " Timothy??? "

SiD " Yeah, to honor the memory of Timothy McVeigh "

Guy " Oh. Alright then.. Well Pain just DDTed Timothy and Big Bo from behind gives Pain a neckbreaker!!! Timothy rolls over and slaps a figure four leg-lock on Pain.. Big Bo climbs the turnbuckles and moonsualts off of them, nailing his two opponents!!! There's the cover.. Big Bo has Timothy at the 2 count but Pain kicks him off!!! Pain pulls Tim to his feet only to side belly spulex him back down!!! "

SiD " What's a 'spulex'?? "

Guy " Oh shut up.. Big Bo short arm clotheslines Pain and drops down on Timothy again!! Pain climbs the turnbuckles ..2 ..3 Timothy kicks out a second too late!! "

SiD " Good thing he's wearing a mask. Otherwise he'd be made fun of on the street for being such a lousy wrestler "

Guy " Right, I think he was planning on revieling his identity when he won "

SiD " You mean he actually thought he was going to win?? He sucks!! "

Guy " Right again "

SiD " You know who he is though "

Guy " Nobody important "

SiD " Oh "

Guy " Big Bo turns around just in time to see Pain flying at him with a hurricanranna from the top ropes!!! Pain gives him a fist drop then applies a bullet train suplex!! As soon as he's released, Bo throws Pain a weak right hook that still manages to knock him down!! "

SiD " Those two are getting fatigued. This is probably their first professional wrestling match ever "

Guy " Yeah, that would explain alot.. Pain piledrives Bo and goes for the pin..1..2..3!! He got it!! "

Winner: Pain
SiD " Bo knows losing "

Guy " Yeah but now's our.. "

SiD " TWO CHICKS IN A THONG CAGE MATCH!!! "

Guy " Yeah "

Layla Mercedes -vs- Harley Quinn
Cage Match
Spineshank's 'New Disease' blares across the PA system then out walks Layla Mercedes, wearing a black t-shirt and matching g-string. he corwd cheers and gives her an assortment of catcalls as she runs out to the ring. As she enters the cage door her music then is replaced by circus music as Harley Quinn emerges at the entryway, her usual half red and half black costume has been altered to a french cut. She walks down to the ring, mumbling and picking the thong out of her butt crack.

SiD " Oh mama!! I think I'm going to like Tone Capone being Commisioner "

Guy " Yeah, me too. Oh yeah, in case anyone was wondering, our new Commish changed this to a thong match "

SiD " Bless his heart "

The two ladies stand in the center of the ring, nervously smiling at the audiences obcene catcalls as Mr. T locks the cage doors.

SiD " Hey it's been awhile since Mr. T was out here.. I didn't think he came back after the fed reopened "

Guy " Well obviously he did "

The bell rings.

SiD " Well at least since this is a cage match Harley won't be able to run off "

Guy " SiD's refering to last weeks Havok when Harley was winning her match against Eric "The Crusher" Johnson then apparently got bored so left "

SiD " Yeah, what a fruit cake "

Guy " Layla kicks Harley in the stomach then rakes her eyes.. She runs off the ropes and clotheslines the mime!!! "

SiD " You know, I never liked mimes. As I know no ones does, but a mime with a body like that.. in a thong.. Oh yeah "

Guy " Normaly I would tell you to calm down but I have to agree with you on that. That mime has a sweet ass "

SiD groans.

Guy " ..But anyway, Harley bitch slaps Layla who counters with a snapmare.. Then slaps on a figure four leglock!!! "

SiD " You know, that's how lesbians have sex "

Guy " Okay, that's going a little too far "

SiD " What?? It's true!! "

Guy " Yeah but you're liable to offend the women out there "

SiD " Well excuuuuse me.. Guy Mandell, defender of women. You're begining to sound like Domonic Bruno "

Guy " Fuck off "

Silence. Layla Merceds executes a leaping piledriver on Harley Quinn. She slumps over and Layla sprints to the cage wall and starts climbing it.

SiD " Mmmm mmm mmm.. It must be jam cause jelly don't jiggle like that!! "

Guy " Harley runs to the cage and starts shaking it.. Layla keeps her footing though as she is almost.. She is over the fence!!! She starts climbing down and Harley's poking at her?? She drops to the floor.. that's it "

Winner: Layla Mercedes
SiD " Damn.. I was hoping that match would've lasted a little longer "

Guy " Yeah, me too "

SiD " Tone changed this next macth around too. Why couldn't he have made it like the last one?? "

Guy " What.. Bud Brody, Grief, Scarface and Shadow in thongs?? "

SiD " That's not funny "

Guy " I wasn't trying to be funny "

SiD " Whatever man.. I don't even know what the original line-up of this next match was. It's changed like four times "

Guy " Yes, it has "

The Grief & Bud Brody -vs- Scarface & Shadow
Guy " Scarface and Grief step out onto the apron and the bell rings.. Bud Brody charges Shadow and takes him down with a small package!! Instant kick out.. "

SiD " Yeah likes he's so good to take him out that fast "

Guy " Shadow uppercuts Bud then gives him a knee drop.. He walks over to Scarface and tags him in.. Scarface climbs the turnbuckle and Shadow picks up Bud and hands him to Capone.. Scarface powerbombs him into Shadow's knee!!! "

SiD " Oooooh!! I felt that one "

Guy " Brody's barley moving as Shadow exits the ring and Scarface slaps on a stump puller!!! The Grief runs into the ring but the ref immediatly makes him return to the apron. Scarface goes over to Greif's corner and punches him off the apron!! Bud Brody finally manages to get to his feet. "

Suddenly Stalin comes running out and down the ramp. He slides into the ring and dropkicks Bud Brody.

SiD " What the hell is that clown doing?! "

Guy " Looks like he's attacking Brody "

SiD " Well duh.. Why though?? "

Guy " How should I know?? "

SiD " Because you always know these kind of things "

Guy " Do I?? "

SiD " Yeah "

Guy ponders that then says, " Hmmm.. Well anyway, the ref is so caught up in yelling at Stalin for interfering that he's oblivous to Scarface and Shadow double teaming Brody "

SiD " Scarface likes double teaming guys "

Guy " So do you "

SiD " Huh?? "

Guy snickers, " Yeah he does. That's how 'gangsters' fight though, by out numbering their opponents "

SiD " True. But what was that 'So do you' comment all about?? "

Guy snickers again, " Nothing.. The ref comes over and starts yelling at Stalin.. Shadow slips into the ring and grabs Brody from behind, while Scarface starts punching the crap out of him!!! Grief jumps in but the ref sends him back to the apron!!! "

The ref is facing Grief's side, not the other.

SiD " Grief is yelling at the ref and Stalin just has a big shit eating grin on his face.. Bud Brody's getting quite the work over out there "

Guy " Yeah, this is ridiculous!!! I'm about to go tell the ref to turn around!! "

SiD " And violate the prime directive?? "

Guy " The what?? Well it doesn't matter now, the ref just turned around.. A second after Shadow dropped Brody and returned to his corner Scarface puts his foot on Bud Brody's chest, pinning him "

SiD " That's just wrong. I almost feel bad for that poor kid. I guess he didn't know Cosa Nostro cheats "

Guy " Well either way, the ref just counted Brody out "

Winner: Scarface and Shadow
SiD snickers, " You know, The Grief didn't even get any in ring time "

Guy " Oh yeah. Oh well, who cares. They are setting up the cell for our Main Event now "

Main Event
Darkstalka -vs- Black Widow
Ring Of Fire - Hell In A Cell - Hardcore Title Match
The crowd is a buzz with anticipation for the match as the lights suddenly flash off and a hush falls upon the crowd. Then the silence is cut when 'Fuck Off' by Kid Rock fills the air, followed by a series of explosions along side the entryway. The smoke from the explosions settles on the ground as Darkstalka comes walking out. He strides arrogantly down to the cell, as the crowd boos him, and climbs in through the nearest open panel. His music is then replaced by the Soviet National anthem as a montage of Black Widow's most brutal highlights plays over the Titan-tron. The crowd starts both cheering and mockingly booing as Black Widow emerges at the top of the ramp. She gazes across the room then makes her way down to the ring. She enters the cell via the open panel and trades glares with Darkstalka.

Guy " Man the tension's so thick folks you can almost cut it with a knife!!! "

SiD " I'd like to cut you with a knife "

Guy " I bet you would "

A couple of roadies walk over to the cell and place a chain link panel over it's sole opening then start fastening it with an electric rivet gun. When they finish they walk around the cell, shaking it to make sure it is solidly constructed. They wave to the ref, who nods then signals the announcers.

Guy " Well it looks like the cage is ready "

SiD " Almost ready.. There's one last thing "

Guy " Yeah, the ref is motioning to the roadies out there "

One of the two roadies turns a huge valve wheel mounted on the apron of the ring, a moment later a flame shoots out from one corner of the cage then spread to cover all of it's perimeters. The two wrestlers watch nervously as the flames rise until they form an ten foot wall of fire engulfing the chain links of the cage, leaving only the roof and contents of the cell untouched by the flames.

SiD " Looks like Darkstalka and Black Widow are having second thouhts about this matches stipulation "

Guy " Huh?? They look fine to me "

SiD " It's called trying to dramatize the opening of a match "

Guy " Oh. Try harder next time "

SiD " One of these days Guy.. "

Guy " Yeah alright.. Anyway the cell looks to be complete so.. The ref rings the bell.. The two lock up.. Darstalka ends it with a neckdrop to Widow who then springs back to her feet and gives him a scissor kick follwed by two quick jabs then a windmill kick!!! "

SiD " It still amazes me how fast that girl is "

Guy " Yeah, Stalka hits the mat and Widow almost slaps on a leg-lock but he kicks her in the face before she could complete it!!! Now up, he reaches to grab her by her hair but she knocks his hand away then sweeps his feet. She gives him an elbow drop but he rolls clear before contact. He puts a hammerlock on Widow but she head butts him then whips him into the tunbuckle!!! "

SiD " He's getting burned.. Stalka cries out in anger at the flames as Widow monkey tosses him to the center of the ring. She gives him an elbow drop which ths time nails him then she slaps on her Widow Maker!!! "

Guy " No, that's a Boston crab "

SiD " Oh. Same thing "

Guy " No, a Widow Maker involves a knee placed specifically against the spine "

SiD " You just have to be right don't you?? "

Guy " I am right though "

SiD sighs, " Forget it "

Guy " Darkstalka moves in fast and scoop slams Widow!!! He gives her a victory roll before slapping on a full Nelson!!! She breaks the move somewhat with a reverse head butt but Stalka manages to maintain the hold somewhat with a half Nelson!!! "

SiD " Fast reflexes from the Dark man "

Guy " Yup. When he let's go of her she rolls away then leaps to her feet.

She stands center ring, gesturing at him in a "bring it on" fashion.

Guy " Stalka rushes her with a clothesline but she casually ducks it..

Force of habit sends him into the ropes. He tries to stop when the relization of the fire hits him but he's unable to break the momentum.

SiD " There's the first burn!! "

Guy " Stalka pats at the flames on his shirt as he walks back to Widow "

SiD chuckles, " Feelin stupid!! "

Guy " Black Widow throws a punch at her opponent, but he blocks her fist and throws a punch of his own.. Which she blocks!!! She uppercuts him then gives him a shoving kick that sends him back a few paces.. She quickly moves up to him and grabs his head then a standing dropkick!!! "

SiD " I can't tell who's winning "

Guy " That's because no one is yet. So far it's been an evenly matched fight "

SiD " In other words it's been boring "

Guy " Are you kidding?! This is a great match!!! "

SiD " If you say so "

Guy " Well I do.. But anyway.. Darkstalka sweeps Widow's feet and then gives her a knee lock.. She punches him in the ear with the palm of her hand and he releases her and clutches at his ear "

SiD " That's an illegal move!!! Oh wait.. Nevermind "

Guy " She pulls him up and whips him into the ropes.. She charges at him and as soon as he springs back, she kick hits him with a roadhouse kick that sends him against the falming cage with such force that he knocks a panel of the cell out and crashes on the concrete floor out side!!! "

SiD " He's on fire!!! "

Guy " Widow is standing center ring, catching her breathe while Darkstalka frantically rolls around trying to extinguish his burning clothes "

A little white trash boy wearing a Kid Money shirt slips under the crowd barrier and dumps his Pepsi on Darkstalka, helping to put out the flames.

SiD " What the hell?? "

Guy " That was sweet.. Darkstalka slowly gets back to his feet and looks over to the little boy "

SiD " Bastard!!! He just punched that little boy in the head!!! That's fucked up!!!! "

Guy " Yeah it is!! Especially after the kid helped him out like that!! "

SiD " Now what's he doing?? "

Guy " He's walking around the ring "

SiD " He better not be coming over here!!! "

Guy " No.. He isn't.. It appears like he's looking for something "

SiD " Black Widow looks pretty bored, she's just kneeling in the ring watching him "

Guy " Darkstalka picked up something. I can't tell what is it though "

SiD " He's coming back around the cell.. He's got the roadies' rivet gun!! "

Guy " Uh-oh. He studys the flames surround the opening.. And dives back into the ring!! Black Widow springs to her feet.. "

SiD " Stalka didn't get burned this time "

Guy " He charges Widow and she gives him a scissor kick that sends him down!!! "

SiD " I think he let her do that "

Guy " She's keeping her distance "

SiD " You think she's on to him?? "

Guy " She must be.. It's not like her to.. Wait, Stalka's up and moves in closer to her. At pole range he reveils the rivet gun and shoots at her!!! She evades but he manages to reach closer and plug her in the left arm with a rivet!!! She reflexivly gives him a windmill kick and he stumbles back a few steps!!! "

SiD " Not to mention he dropped the rivit gun "

Guy " Black Widow gives her arm a quick look over then pounce on Stalka and starts pummeling him!!! He reaches over for the rivet gun again.. But it's JUST out of reach.. She eyes the gun then slams his head against the mat and grabs it for herself!!!

SiD " Payback time "

Guy " Darkstalka gets as far as to his knees when Widow returns his favor by driving a rivet into HIS leftarm!!! He grabs his wound and let's loose some kind of battle cry as he gets to his feet and uppercuts Widow!!! She stumbles back a bit and he hits her with a jab then a right hook!!! "

He grabs for the gun but gets shot in the palm of his hand.

SiD " Ooooh!! Damn that's gotta hurt!! "

Guy " Widow smacks him in the head with the rivet gun!!! Splattering blood everywhere!! The force of the blow made him do a 180 and he's staggering around!!! "

SiD " He looks delerious "

Guy " Hmmm.. Widow gives him a triple jab to the wound on the side of the head.. "

SiD " He's gonna get Rocky syndrome.. Be all retarded and what not "

Guy " Widow with a double axe-handle.. Then as he's falling hits him an immediate roundhouse kick!!! He hits the mat like a ton of bricks and she drops on him for the pin!!! The ref starts the count.. "

SiD Why isn't she doing a Widow Maker?? Or Iron Curtain?? "

Guy " I'm assuming cause she respects his fighting abilty enough to spare his life?? "

SiD " Or something like that "

Guy " Yeah. There's the three count!!! We have a new Hardcore Champ!! "

Winner and New Hardcore Champ: Black Widow
The ref turns the propane valvue off and steps back as fire retardant foam sprays up from the the sides of the apron. Ring girl, Jenna Jamison walks down the ramp waving the Hardcore Belt over her head.

SiD " Oh yeah!! This is the best part of Title matches "

Black Widow climbs out of the ring through the opening Darkstalka had made as Jenna approaches her with the Belt. She hands it over to Widow and Widow walks up the ramp. Darkstalka staggers to the side of the cage and starts yelling threats at her, which she ignores.

Guy " I wonder what he's saying "

SiD " Ah who cares. This show is over. Take us home Guy "

Darkstalka collapses.

SiD " Oh shit!! Check that out!! "

Guy " Yeah, looks like the match took it's toll on Darkstalka.. Someone call in the medics. Damn.. Ummm.. So there you have it folks, the end of another great RMWF show and the first Ring of Fire/Hell in a Cell match. Black Widow is our new Hardcore Champ and.. "

SiD " Stop stalling "

The paramedics run in through a side entrance and rush into the ring to attend Darkstalka.

Guy " Okay. I just wanted to make sure he was going to be left in good hands "

SiD rolls his eyes, " Oh please "

Guy " But okay.. This concludes this episode of SNS. Be sure to tune in Wednsday for Havok. No information on it's line-up as of yet but I'm sure it's not to be missed!! "

SiD " Tick tock "

Guy " So on behalf of SiD and myself, I wish everyone here in the audience and those of you watching at home a Good Night "

RMWF

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Page Updated Mon Dec 17, 2001 2:52pm EST