( part 3 ) - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives/The_RMWF_Year_One

Guy " Well that was a short match HHH sure got his butt kicked ."

SiD " Told you my money was on Darkstalka ."

Guy " Good for you SiD . Well its' time to look back on one of our great RMWF momments , so lets go to Bad Andy for , hence another trip down memory lane ."

SiD " You promised celebrities . "

Guy " Come on you think we could really get celebrities ?"

Bad Andy " Hey , I'm a celbrity !!! What more could you ask for ? Well let me see what this teler promter says . Bullshit , bullshit , blah , blah , blah , blah . Hey , how about this , here is a clip . OK . ok I will indroduce it better , but I'm not reading the crap you have made up for me ! This is a clip of some match , on some card , that no one cares about . It has to do with Darkstalka and me , some wolves and so on .. Hey , I did not know I was not suppose to feed them ! "

( Chaos urupts as the crowd scatters ... SiD , Guy and Bubble The Chimp , our camera man , escape to high ground as the wolves tear through the arena !!! After a few seconds the camera cuts off and we have nothing but static !!! We hear a lot of screaming as a shaky camera turns back on ... )

Guy " OK , me , SiD and Bubbles are safe high above the arena ... Most of the crowd has left as the wolves are tearing them to shreads ... Showtime has climbed up some scalfiling to escape Darkstalka's pets ... The Vine has given chase as tje match continues high above the arena ... Showtime is hanging on for dear life as The Vine trys to pull him down .. "

SiD " Look one of the wolves is chasin The Midget from under the ring around , hahahah .."

Guy " Showtime just dropped The Vine down to the arena like a 100 feet .. He gets the pin and claims The World Belt !!!! "

SiD " It's a wonder he is still alive !!! "

Guy " Showtime is celebrating when he turns around .. His jaw drops as he is starring at Darkstalka and a pack of hungry wolves behind him ... Darkstalka tosses a glass container at Showtime and lights a ciggarette .. "

SiD " Who is thos guy Batman now , and I didn't know he smoked ... "

Guy " He doesn't as he tosses the ciggarette at Showtime hes goes up in flames !!! "

SiD " That must of been gasoline or something ... "

Guy " Darkstalka drags Showtime to the casket and tosses him into it ... Closing the cover he goes and claims his belt ... Drapping The Heavyweight belt over the casket , for Showtime has won that ... "

SiD " Darkstalka has gotten what is his back and so has Showtime ... "

Guy " Well ,thats it folks . We have two new champs , and the medical crew is very busy helping everyone that is hurt ... This is Guy Mandel for SiD " the King " Nasty , Clive Anderson , Bad Andy and whoever I forgot saying good night , good night !!! "

Lightning -vs- Neep ( Hardcore Belt )
SiD " Darkstalka and Ashura with those damn animals , they should ban them all ."

Guy " Ahhh we can't ban animals . How about Frankie with Koko Beware ?"

SiD " That thing shit all over the place it was disgusting ."

Guy " Well the PPV is winding down , we're almost to the big main event but first we have to get The Hardcore Belt out of the way aaaand Lightning makes his way down to the ring ."

SiD " Oh god not that damn song again ! "

Guy " Yes , Flower's of Scotland plays as Neep walks down to the ring !"

SiD " How did this fairy ass become Hardcore Champ ! This belt is suppose to be for the bad asses in the fed not the ass pirates ! "

Guy " Leave Neep alone that ass pirate could probably kick your ass ."

SiD " In his butt raping dreams maybe ! "

Guy " Neep better be careful in this match because he does not want to get hurt before the main event and blow his shot at The World Belt ! "

SiD " Look they are ready to start ."

Guy " Neep and Ligthning waste no time and lock horns . Neep comes out of it withLightning in an arm bar but Lightning reverses it ."

SiD " They must teach these starts in wrestling school they are all the same ."

Guy " Lightning now slams Neep down by his arm , then puts a boot in his arm pit to get more leverage ! Neep squirms his way out taking down Lightning by pulling his feet from out under him and trys to get him in some submission move that I never have seen before ."

SiD " Old Gay Neep has more tricks up his sleeve then anyone else I have ever seen here before in The RMWF ."

Guy " And we have seen lots of wrestlers come and go over the first year ..."

SiD " Oh don't start that crap again just call the match , damn it !"

Guy " Both me are up and ..."

SiD " Guess what Lightning does a clothesline ! "

Guy " Would you start cutting me off . Lightning with an irish whip and a flying cross body followed by a pin . The champ kicks out at two and slaps on an ankle lock . Lightning is being surprised by Neep's speed and needs to do something to counter it or he will not be going home with any gold tonight ! Neep slams Lightning's knee into the mat and does not let up as Lightning tries to break out of the hold . The ref checks to see if Lightning is ready to give up but he just shakes his head , NO ."

SiD " Come on Neep this is boring beat the piss out of this rookie already ."

Guy " We know Neep knows how to brawl if he needs to but he rather keep this match in his court . By wearing down his opponent then going in for the kill !"

SiD " Yeah boo fucking hah ! "

Guy " Neep finally relizes Lightning is not gonna give up and lets go of the ankle lock . Lightning gets up and is hobling around not being able to put much weight on his foot . Neep moves in and takes him down with a suplex . "

SiD " Neep better end it here ."

Guy " Neep now with a piledriver and he gives the crowd the signal for The Flying Scotsman . He's up on the top rope and here he comes ... Eeeeew Lightning moved rolls Neep over and 1 , 2 , 3 !!! OH MAN HE GOT NEEP , HOW DID HE DO THAT ! "

SiD " The dumb ass missed his stupid flying faggot move , when he should of just went for the pin . "

Guy " Neep can't belive it as Lightning hobbles over and grabs The Hardcore Belt !"

SiD " What a bad , bad hardcore belt match that was ! "

Winner and New Hardcore Champ : Lightning
Guy " Well at least Neep still has a shot at the World Belt later tonight . But first lets do a couple of Where Are They Now before we get on with our other matches ."

SiD " Oooh my match is coming up against that slob Pig Vomit . I'm gonna show him how us real old timers wrestle ."

Guy " I'm sure you will SiD ! "

Where Are They Now

( The camera shows a large castle atop a mountain somewhere along the Romanian countyside. The camera cuts inside to where The Black Widow is seen sitting in a thrown room in it's thrown. The camera man walks up the red carpet leading to her. )

Black Widow " Ahhh velcome.. it has bee a while no? Ven your Prez first asked me to speak on behalf of zee RMWF's anniversary show I initially discarded the request. He vas tenacious however so I finally agreed in order to silence his begging. As you can see, since leaving the RMWF I have done quite vell for myself. Having led a rebelion on Northern Romania some months ago, I conquered the region we are now in and have since begun rebuilding it as zee New Soviet Republic. It is a quaint little country but it shall serve my purposes for zee time being. "

( A Miamii Football practice field . Ray Lucas #6 tosses a ball around and walks towards the camera . He sits down and wipes the swet off his forhead before taking a sip of water.)

Ray " I can't believe you guys have the nerve to show up here . You almost ended my career , now I'm a back up for The Dolphins , Yeah the friggen Dolphins , you know how it feels to have to sit on a bench with a friggen fish on your head every Sunday . Screw you RMWFG and screw Chad Penigton !!! "

SiD " Eeeew I got another memory I can share !

( Everything gets wavy as we go to another flashback . The camera shows Nick dancing naked before a mirror with his penis tucked between his legs. "You make me feel like a natural Woman" is playing on the stereo. )

Nick " Oh Goldust.. "

( He gazes at a Goldust picture on the wall and sighs. )

Nick " .. Why must you torment me with your beauty ? "

( He pinches his nipple. )

Nick " Uuugghmmmmm.. If you would only stop mocking my affections and let me into your heart.. You would at last know true happiness "

Guy " Would you stop it with your made up memorys !!! You know that never happened ."

SiD " It must of been when you were sick ! "

Guy " Don't you have a match to go get ready for ?"

SiD " Yeah but I was hoping to meet Bobby The Brain . "

Guy " I told him you can meet him at the post PPV party ."

SiD " Ok , ok see you later ."

Steve Eggs Hard -vs- Eric " The Crusher " Johnson
Guy " Eric just announce the other day he is going to eneter the tag team ranks and he comes down to the ring ."

( Lets Legislate hits the PA and the crowd goes wild as Steve Eggs Hard makes his way to the ring ... )

Bobby " The Brain "" OH my god that man is huge !!! What a fat slob !"

Guy " No wonder why your SiD's idle ."

Bobby " Come on can the ring really hold him ?"

Guy " He's broke a few in his time . The bell ring as Eric makes the wrong move and charges Steve who just bounces him off with his fat . "

Bobby " Hahahaha Oh I think I'm gonna like this place ! "

Guy " Johnson tries again but is just bitch slapped by Steve Eggs Hard then scoop slammed to the mat . Eggs kinda bounces off the ropes and delivers a big splash to Johnson then gets up and delivers a big boot to the face . The Crusher rolls to the side of the ring and catches his breath that was crushed out of him by Steve ."

Bobby " Eric The Crusher has his work cut out for him . How is he gonna beat this fat ass ?"

Guy " Johnson gets up and runs at Steve this time raking his eye's then trys to push him down . Steve Eggs just stumbles back a few steps and then swats at Johnson blindly . Johnson delivers a wild punch to Steve's gut then shrugs his shoulders as it seems to do nothing ."

Bobby " Look at that blubber jiggle , come on this guy has more chins then a chineese phone book ."

Guy " Johnson bounces off the ropes and hits Steve with a double ax handle but Steve just picks him up for a bear hug . "

Bobby " Hey two guys are coming down to the ring , they look like some kung foo movie rejects ! "

Guy " It's Sub Zero and Scorpian what are they doing out here ? Oh man they just climbed in the ring and nailed The Crusher with a crow bar while Steve has him in a bear hug . The bell rings and I think Steve has been DQed ."

Bobby " Yeah I don't think this Steve guy ever intended to win this match he just wanted to bust the other guys head open and he did a very good job ! "

Guy " All three men leave as the medical crew attends to The Crusher ."

Bobby " That was some screwed up shit . Man this fed is evil ! I kinda like it ."

Guy " You would ! Wait to you see our next match ."

Winner By DQ : Eric Johnson
Bobby " Well at least he did not break your ring this time . "

Guy " Yeah , I can't believe that poor Eric Johnson not only did he get his head split open we just found out CSD busted up his car in the parking lot . So thats who they we're waiting for earlier in the show . I guess its revenge for the accident he had with The Prez a few days ago . Man lets go to a clip while they try to get him out of the ring ."

Oak Town Classic PPV ( Starring Space Ghost and Tupac Shakur )
" This is Space Ghost from Space Ghost Coast To Coast , with Tupac Shakur filling in last minute for Guy Mandel and SiD the King Nasty for
The Oak Town Classic super PPV ."

Tupac " Hell's yeah nigga repisentin California in the house lets get
down to some wrestling ... "

SG " Yes , whatever this will be a blast just like the time with the
giant replicating pods and Zoraks .. "

Tupac " Whatever shut up you white devil and lets see some ass kicking . Tupac " Why are you dressed like that , you some kind of new breed of
The KKK ??? "

SG " No my friend I am a superhero , I fight evil like The KKK . Even
though I don't like to get wrapped up in politics . "

Tupac " Whatever bro lets get this thing started I have an afterlife to
get back to . "

SG " We have a hair pulling match to start it off . Rebel pulls down
Vulcan and applies a knee to the throat . You know from what I hear
Vulcans are a very sophisticated race of aliens .

Tupac " I don't think he is that kinda Vulcan , man . "

Guy " Oh nevermind that was not funny the first time ."

Bobby " Yeah but it was good filler while they cleaned up Johnson's brains from the mat . Short job though ."

Guy " Hugh ?"

Bobby " Not much to clean up ."

Guy " Oh your jokes are as bad as SiD's ."

Bobby " Piss off I paved the way for chumps like you ."

Guy " Well just one more match before the main event and it's a good thing because judging from the last clip we are hurting for material . "

SiD " The King " Nasty -vs- Pig Vomit
( Pig Vomit comes out with his manager/wife Sharon and hundreds of young girls charge the barricades . Security holds them back as there screams cut through us like nails on a chalk board ! Next SiD comes out with his crown and cape on , sitting in a throne carried by four midgets ! )

Guy " He has to be kidding us , look at him . Pig Vomit was the last king of the ring anyway ."

Bobby " hey , the man knows how to make an entrance !"

Guy " SiD climbs up on the apron as Pig Vomit laughs at him . SiD hands his crown and cape to one of the midgets then bends over and tells Pig Vomit to kiss his ass . Pig Vomit runs up and boots SiD off the ring with a big boot to his caboose ."

Bobby " He kissed it with alright , haha ! "

Guy " Pig Vomit chases SiD out of the ring but one of the midgets jumps on his back as another one bites his ankle . SiD is cracking up as Pig Vomit launches the midget on his leg six rows back . The other one on his back bites into his neck as Sharon beats him off and he scampers away . Now SiD runs for his life but PV catches him and slams him into the steal pole . "

Bobby " Your boy SiD is not fairing to well !"

Guy " Yeah I'm kinda disapointed in him , he use to be a great wrestler in his day and age ."

Bobby " It was only about a year ago when he use to wrestle ."

Guy " Yeah but he was old then too . SiD looks pissed as he chrages Pig Vomit who just side steps him and lets him fall on his face . SiD gtes up and tosses one of the two remaining midgets at Pig Vomit who swats him away with his right arm . Now SiD retreats again and picks up a chair then yells at the crowd for mocking him ."

Bobby " Why don't they leave the guy alone , he's doing great ! "

Guy " Pig Vomit warns SiD to put the chair down but he just stands there yelling for PV to come on . Pig Vomit runs a nails SiD with a drop kick which sends him tripping over a table making him fall falt on his back . "

Bobby " This is like a Three Stooges episode . "

Guy " Now PV stands up on the table and ..."

Bobby " Whips out his man hood !!! What is this guy gonna do ? "

Guy " Pee of course ! But SiD jumps up just in time and runs for the exit . Having no one to pee on PV turns to Bobby The Brain !!! "

Bobby " Oh my god that guy just peed on me . WHAT THE HELL , I'M OUTTA HERE ! "

Guy " NO WAIT ! SiD will be heart broken if he does not meet you ! Can you at leats sign this for him ? "

Bobby " Get off me you ass , screw this !!! "

Guy " Bobby just left as Pig Vomit puts on SiD's crown and leaves !!!! "

Winner by Count Out : Pig Vomit
Guy " Well as we wait for SiD to return , The Prez wants me to read you The RMWF Mission Statement for all who have missed it ! "

Mission Statement :
The Real Man Wrestling Federation was started on 4-10-2000 , as just that , an e-fed for Real Men ( and sometimes women ) . Our first and primary goal is to offer the public a fun , laid back enviroment .. Therefore we run The RMWF with no rules and a lot of chaos
. Where nothing is sacred and not a thing is banned as anarchy runs
throught our veins .. However this in NO way means we support Communism as this is an American bussiness , true at heart . We also do not condone men sporting sandels and socks, having sex with fat chicks or the drinking of wine coolers ...

In short we are also here not just for e-fed entertainment but hopefully
to help people see the lighter side of things , and to help men return to what it is being a true man . In a day and age where men are going astray from what makes a man a man , The RMWF hopes to crush what society worked so hard to build .. A more caring man in touch with his sensitive side ... Men do NOT cry , they do not pierce or cut thier
manhood .. Men should not have earings or any piercings of any kind . Men are predators and should always view every other man as a constent
threat , therfore piercings only add to your disavantage incase of a fight . Men must remember long hair is for women and also a disavantage in a brawl .. These things and many others all should be taken into consideration . For now we will stick with these simple tasks and avoid things like shorts as we must make baby steps for now .

Back to the lighter side of things . The RMWF believes nothing is sacred . Hence all things can be made fun of here ... Porn is embraced as an art form and we believe rascism can only be fought by laughing at sterotypes and differences instead of hiding them away . We do not support any communist or politicly correct organazations like Green
Peace and so on . Instead we laugh at NAMBLA and poke fun at anything that rolls our way .

In closing The RMWF is all about fun .. A place to curse when you can not . A fed full of fart and poop jokes ... Its a safe haven for people who are sick of the boring world . It's just not an organazatiion but a family .. A disfunctional family , but a family full of love and hope !!!

Guy " Aaah reading that always brings a tear to my eye ."

SiD " Me too ."

Guy " Hey your back after running like a bitch !"

SiD " Yeah let me piss on you and see if you like it ."

Guy " Nah , you may like it too much . Lets get on to the main event ."

SiD " Yeah I gottaa take a shower ! "

Go to part 4 for Main Event !!!

RMWF

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Page Updated Sat May 19, 2001 6:38am EDT