The RMWF Year One PPV - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives/The_RMWF_Year_One

( The PPV starts with a lot of explosions and the crowd goes wild . Up on The RMWFatron images flash of RMWF history . Bambii winning The World Title for the first time , matches in peoples back yards , Showtime , Snakebite , Mad Dog and so on . The show stops and we cut to Guy and SiD who are both wearing tuxes !!! )

Guy " Welocme to our biggest show ever tonight we have a few matches plus a lot of trips down memory lane ."

SiD " Don't forget all the celebrities tonight ! "

Guy " Yes , we will get to that but first lets pay tribute to all the fallen stars in The RMWF over the year and boy for just one year there has been a lot ! "

( The camera switches to Lenord Nimoy and Triumph both sporting tuxes also ... )

Nimoy " You know Triumph when The Prez , WIL Double , contacted me about being here I never new I would have the honor of paying tribute to all the great warriors who have graced us over the years and gave there lives for our entertainment . When I think about what a special gift these men have gave us , the gift of life it brings a tear to my eye ... "

Triumph " Oh yes , yes what a gift FOR ME TO POOP ON !!!! "

Nimoy " Oh forget it . We had a whole nice monologue to bring you into this but I can see my partner does not have a soul . Lets just cut the shit and get on with it so I can collect my check and get the hell out of this crap hole !"

Triumph " The next clip is form Wrestle Day 2000 our earliest saved PPV in The RMWF Archives ... "

( On the titontron the clip plays , as the crowd goes WILD )

Pig Vomit's Night of Horror
Pig Vomit is in the ring ready for our prisoners to be lead down to him. In the ring is a variety of weapons an electric chair , and some other torture devices. Our first Prisoner is led out by CSD , it's The Quizmaster one time title holder in The RMWF. He is chanied and shackled and he is being dragged by CSD. CSD finally gets Quizmaster to the ring and he kicks and screams as Pig Vomit pulls him into the ring....

Guy " Quizmaster doesn't want to die thats for sure. Pig Vomit has him chained to a table and he's lighting up a blow torch , oh man is that gonna be hot."

Riley " Sure is he's burning Quizmaster in the arm with it , his flesh is bubbling and it really stinks..."

Guy " Quizmaster is screaming in pain , he should of called The Prez and told him he was leaving or this would of never happened. This is a lesson to all wrestlers just don't dissapear , or this will be your fate. Pig Vomit is now picking up a sharp knife and he stabbed it in The Quizmaster's eye , this is torture 101."

Riley " I'm gonna be sick ....."

Guy " No in the garbage can , not on the floor !!!!!!!"

Riley " BLAHHHHHHHH "

Guy " OH will someone come clean this up ???? Pig Vomit just took a pair of pliers and cut off Quizmasters pinky , now he's cutting off his thumb. Quizmaster passed out from the pain , and the Dr. is checking if he is still alive. He gives the thumbs up and Quizmaster is still alive. Pig Vomit is using smellin salt to revive Quizmaster and he comes too a little bit. Pig Vomit punches him , then he takes the knife out of his eye and stabs him in the leg. Oh come on kill the man already."

Riley " What is he doing now I can't look ?????"

Guy " He's strapping him in the electric chair , here we go , Pig Vomit hits the switch..."

Riley " Look at him twitch , oh god the smell !!!!! BLAHHHHHHHH "

Guy " Would you stop puking , GOD THAT STINKS WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER , s--- ?????? Quizmaters eyes are bleeding and I think one just popped out. Pig Vomit turns off the switch and The Dr. pronounces him dead. Pig Vomit throws Quizmaster's body into the crowd and a bunch of 15 year old girls are ripping it apart for a souvenir.

Riley " SiD is right this fed is sick ."

Guy " Shut up your not allowed to have an opinion. Our next victim is Gulletine Man and I can only guess his fate. He is being chained to the tale and stripped naked. Pig Vomit just gave him a genital piercing and hung a ten pound weight from it. That will give him a few extra inche's HAHAHAHA."

Riley " Your just as sick as every one else ."

Guy " I told you to shut up !!!!!! Pig Vomit spits on Gulletine Man and then kicks him in the face. He has the hot pokers and is slowley poking Gulletine with them , again the smell of burnt flesh fills the arena. Guletine Man is now putting up a struggle and Pig Vomit just laughs taking a swill of Jim Beam then pouring it on his wounds. Pig Vomit smashes the bottle over Gulletine Man's head and Gulletine Man is screaming he is in a lot of pain. Pig Vomit is now breaking Gulletine Man's fingers with a mallet , crushing each one , one by one ... Gulletine Man is on the brink of passing out , Pig Vomit broke all his fingers on his right hand. Now he is shoving tooth picks up his finger nails on the other hand. Gulletine Man has blood all over him and the fans are going wild."

Riley " They sure are blood thirsty ."

Guy " Here comes a chain saw , Pig Vomit is slowley cutting into Gulletine Man's foot. Wait he ditched the chain saw for a blunt knife. He is now hacking his foot off."

Riley " Would he just get it over with , we got one more after this guy."

Guy " Your getting your wish , he's putting Gulletine Man in a Gulletine and BOOM his head just came off... We are waiting for out next prisoner , but Clive Anderson just came out ????"

Clive " I just got word from The Prez that Violater has broken free from CSD and has escaped , he is hiding some where in the building and The Prez's men are looking for him."

Guy " Pig Vomit just grabbed his chain saw and took off for the locker room , he's gonna personally look for Violater. We will keep you posted , but after this little break we are gonna have our first title defense."

( break )

Nimoy " WOW , that was some sick shit . I gotta get out of this place !"

( Lenord Nimoy gets up to leave but see's Spidey in the corner with a chain saw shaking his head and he sits back down ... )

Nimoy " Um oh yes , lets see here . I just have to run through some names here of our greatest deaths ever in The RMWF . CSD was our first ever fatality being shot by Madman but he how ever did return and become The Prez's personal body guard ."

Triumph " Yes , yes see not even a fatal bullet wound could keep that man down !"

Nimoy " A couple months later we had our first massive killing as you just witnessed on the RMWFotron as on 7-14-00 The Quizmaster and Guilletine Man were killed by Pig Vomit on Wrestle Day 2000 . This marked the first time wrestlers we're killed for not honoring there contracts . But not all deaths are planned in The RMWF as on 10-5-00 The Master met his brutal death on Friday Night Slam when The Black Widow threw him to a ravonous crowd that beat, mutilated, raped and ate him!!! "

Triumph " What a horrible way to die ! "

Nimoy " Oh yes Triumph and it gets worse ! Jamal ripped someone's head off , people have been eaten by tigers and on Nick's cards someone is always being hit by an ambulance . Death is never taken lightly in The RMWF and all these men and women will be missed ! So lets all have a momment of silnce for our fallen comrades ! "

.......

Nimoy " Thank you and now back to Guy and SiD ..."

Guy " Thank you Lenord Nimoy , who is just one of the many celebrities tonight but we will get to that in one minute ! First , let me explain how tonight is gonna work . Here in The RMWF we have had 12 great months and we are picking one momment from each month to remember the great times in the fed . Some clips long some short . You have just witnessed June of 2000 now one more trip down memory lane before we get to our first match . Who could forget this classic Pig Vomit moment ? "

SiD " God I hope they are not gonna be all Pig Vomit momments tonight ! "

( From 7-2-00 PG's a clip of PG's Midget Match ! )

Suddenly "Blood For You" comes over the PA and Pig Vomit walks down the ramp to the announcers table.

SiD "What the hell????"

Guy "What's Pig Vomit doing here???? His match isn't until later tonight!!!!!"

Riley "I'm confused"

SiD "You're always confused"

Pig Vomit "to show my gratitude to the Prez for all he's done for me & this fed ... i've aranged a lil surprise for him."

SiD "Oh god, i dont even want to know ..."

Guy "What surprise?????"

Pig Vomit "just sit back and watch ... "

(A blue-sy beat blasts over the PA as two Midgets make their way to the ring. The first one is wearing a red and black leisure suit and is bizarrly dancing while the other one is dressed in a wife-beater, a pair of stained cotton briefs, a crooked pair of glasses and a pink bunny hood.)

Sid "Jesus Christ ..."

Guy "Midgets????"

Pig Vomit "hell yea!!!!after hearing tha Prez's cry for a return to tha f-ckin Old School & sh-t i tracked these guys down ... Hank the drunk dwarf from Howard Stern and Michael J. Anderson ... tha f-ckin dancin midget from Twin Peaks.."

SiD "I can't believe this fed allows un-authorized matches ..."

Riley "Who's Howard Stern????"

Guy "They lock up, Hank has Michael in a Full Nelson, Michael's squealing ... Hank just tripped on his own feet!!!!! Michael's running around the ring taunting him!!!!! "

Pig Vomit "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Riley "What's so funny???"

SiD "This is ridiculous .."

Pig Vomit "what the fuck are you talking about???? they're fucking MIDGETS!!! and they're WRESTLING AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! it just doesnt get any fuckin better than that!!!!!

SiD "This fed has sunk to an even newer low ... what's next???? jello wrestling????"

Pig Vomit "maybe"

Sid "the bunny hood your idea???"

Pig Vomit "of course!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Guy "Now both of the wrestlers are just slapping at each other ... Hank climbs the turnbuckle and is giving the crowd the finger!!!!!"

Riley "That wasn't very nice .."

SiD "Oh shut up .."

Guy "Hank, off the ropes and running toward Michael ... he tackles him!!!!! Hank's chewing on his arm!!! Michael breaks free and slaps on a Camal Clutch!!!!!"

SiD "Damn.. that IS Old School.."

Guy "Well I'm sure this match has probably made the Prez happy ... but it doesn't seem like its going to end .."

Pig Vomit "why would you want it ta f-cking end?????? they're MIDGETS!!!!! and they're f-ckin WRESTLING HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

______________________

Guy " Who could forget classic moments like ..."

SiD " COME ON we waisted a half an hour and have'nt even had a match yet !! "

Guy " OK just let me run down a few moments first . Riley trying to shoot SiD and going to jail . The Rock , Mr. Showtime match that was so built up and never happened . Wild Kat getting naked ."

SiD " Six or seven times . Plus when she gave Jamal gonoreah !"

Guy " Snakebite winning The Hardcore Belt from The Vine . Nick's matches through time in a telephonebooth ."

SiD " Goldberg and Stone Cold winning every match on Sunday even if they we're not in it . "

Guy " The Preacher Man being double crossed by Chaos Inc. Bandit and Pig Vomit taking a shit on his opponent for the first time . Oh it's been a great year . Coming up tonight SiD " The King " Nasty is gonna get back into the ring one more time , against Pig Vomit of all people . Plus Goldust , Mr. Showtime , a Divison X match and lots more !!!"

SiD " Don't forget the celbreties !!! "

Guy " Oh yes and joinning us tonight are Lenord Nimoy , er wait let them all be a surprise . "

SiD " OK .. "

Guy " And on top of all our guests we will have the regular cast of Bad Andy , Clive Anderson , Gary Coleman , Triumph , Mr. T and whoever I forgot . Now for our first match . "

SiD " Bout time ! "

Diablo -vs- The Body Guard
Guy " The Body Guard making his RMWF debut on The RMWF PPV , lucky man ."

SiD " Yeah and he gets to fight that loser Diablo , does he remind you of Madman at all ?"

Guy " Shhhhhhhh both men are in the ring as Gary Coleman announces them . The bell rings and they charge each other ! Diablo ducks a right hand by The Body Guard and flips him over his head . He dives on top of The Body Guard and starts to pund away ! "

SiD " We got to shorten The Body Guards name how about BG , or Big BG , or just plain BJ even better !"

Guy " I will stcik with BG , who is right now being body slammed by Diablo ! Diablo comes off the ropes and lands a big leg drop but gets careless and misses with a second one , BG makes his way to his feet and cloteslines the big man sending him almost head over heels to the mat . Hey , after this match , SiD , we are gonna have a reel of all your great momments ."

SiD " You mean the only great momments in this place ever !"

Guy " Yeah sure whatever I'm sure it will be a treat for all ! BG piledrives Diablo and then goes for a cover but Diablo is not gonna go 0-3 that easy and kicks out > BG picks Diablo up by his hair then his throat and slams him down for a choke slam but as he reaches down to scoop Diablo up again he gets a big boot in the face . Diablo is up and comes off the ropes for a frog splash and hooks the leg for a cover . BG kicks out just in time then rolls away trying to escape another move by Diablo ."

SiD " Who's gonna introduce my segment ?"

Guy " It's a surprise , just wait ! Both men are up to there feet and stare each other down . They charge only to both land a clothesline knocking each other down . BG gets up to one knee and is hit by a big right by Diablo then BG returns the favor . . They stay on there knees exchanging blows until Diablo takes down BG with a diving tackle and starts to beat his face in ."

SiD " Score one for Diablo he just drew blood ! "

Guy " Ref # 1 breaks up the beating and BG gets up and wipes the blood off his face ."

SiD " You ever see that movie a Christmas story or something like that ?"

Guy " Yeah , who hasn't ?

SiD " Well remember one the main kid beats up the bully and he has all that blood on his face and he snorts ... "

Guy " Yeah come on .. "

SiD " He snorts and all the blood sucks up into his nose ?"

Guy " Yeah ! "

SiD " That was gross ."

Guy " Why did you waste all our time with that stupid comment ?"

SiD " BG just reminded me of it . "

Guy " Uh hugh ? BG now has the upper hand I missed how because of SiD . BG with a spine buster then .. "

SiD " Hey , some blonde chick is coming to the ring ! "

Guy " It is Buffy Summers . "

SiD " What is she doing out here ?"

Guy " Don't know . Meanwhile in the ring BG hooks the leg of Diablo and he barely kicks out before three . Buffy climbs the ring apron and stands there with her wodden spike Mr. Pointy . BG picks up Diablo and goes to whip him into the ropes but Diablo reverses it sending BG Buffy's way . Eeeeeeew Buffy jabs that wooden spike into BG's back and he falls flat on his face as she walks off ."

SiD " Why did she do that ? "

Guy " Diablo gets the pin and 1 , 2 , 3 it's over ! "

Winner : Diablo
Guy " Well BG gets his first loss with the help of Buffy Summers . Why she came after him I have no idea ! Maybe , Clive Anderson can catch her back stage and find out , Clive ? "

Clive Anderson " Nah , I missed her somehow ."

SiD " Useless I tell you , he's friggen useless ! Hey before my part of the show let me tell about a story I remeber !"

Guy " Great I'm glad you are getting into the spirit of things ! "

*** The screen gets wavy as we cut to a flash back scene ***

( Darkstalka is in a hot tub naked , drinking a fancy drink with an umbrella . He takes a sip and starts to talk to someone off camera . )

Darkstalka " Daaaaaaarling your such a mushooogana but what should I expect from a goyan princess like yourself . Hurry up and get that cute ass in here I have to meet Ramone at 3:00 to get my legs waxed for the Barbara Striesand concert tonight ."

( The camera pans out and we see Goldust drop his towel and his naked ass climb in the tub . He slides next to Darkstalka who pushes his head under water . )

Darkstalka " Oooooooh , hee hee darling , eeeeeew yes , how do you hold your breath so long ??? "

Guy " CUT IT OUT ! That never happend ! "

SiD " Oh yeah your right I Darkstalka might not be Jewish . "

Guy " Ugh , I give up ! "

( Outside CSD and Neep wait in the parking lot with sledge hammers as we all wonder who they are waiting for ! )

Go to Year One PPV Page Two for the rest of the show and SiD's Greatest Hits !

RMWF

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Page Updated Sat May 19, 2001 6:38am EDT