Friday Night Slam 2-9-01 - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives/2_9_01_Friday_Night

( The camera man follows Spider-Man through the RMWF lobby and into the
elevator. Spidey inserts his key to access his penthouse office and pushes it's button. Moments later he enters his office which is covered in dust. )

Spidey " Jesus fuck.. what they couldnt hire a fuckin maid while i was gone??? "

( He walks to the center of the enourmous office and pulls a cover off his chair and sits in it, he pushes a button on its arm and the TVs lining the walls click on. )

Spidey " I dont know why yer here man.. Aint gonna be very entertaining watching me catch up on tha shit ive missed since ive been away "

( The camera cuts off then the scene cuts over to a jam packed arena which is flooded with strobe lights and loud music. The camera zooms to the announcers booth where SiD Nasty and Guy Mandell sit. The theme music plays , and half naked chicks dance around a million tv screens across the globe ... Mothers put there children to bed and religious figures pray to there gods ... No one is safe , America has finally sunk as low as it can go ... Forget " Temptation Island " , forget " Jerry Spinger " , The RMWF is here and it is here to stay .. Nothing is sacred , nothing is safe and it's all here for your viewing enjoyment , the fun but yet controversial Friday Night Slam 2001 !!!!!! )

( Crowd Cheers )
" This is Guy Mandel with the rest of the RMWF team SiD " The King " Nasty , Bad Andy , and Clive Andersonl bringing you , YET another Friday Night Slam ... "

SiD " And oh yes Guy , The RMWF is HOT , HOT , HOT !!!! With The North American Football Association kicking The XFL's ass in the ratings and our first video game being a complete hit ... "

Guy " How about that XFL , at least we know how to get the camera angles correct ... What a piece of poop that was , hugh , I only made it through the first half ...."

SiD " I only lasted through the cheerleaders pre-game show , hehe .."

Guy " Any way lets get on with the first match !!!!!!! "

Figthnin Falcon -vs- Killer Priest
( The lights dim, chanting begins to play over the arena sound system with japanese music playing lightly in the background. A blinding white light erupts from the entrance way as priest charges the ring. As he hits the ring he launches himself on to the ring apron and hand springs over the top rope entering the ring right into a fighting stance.... )

( A very mucular African American , with a red and black singlet and black shoes
Enters the ring by running , ready to get the action on as he mutters his catch phrase ,
" I am gonna crap on you like you are a new car" ...... )

Guy " The bell rings and The Priest is taken down by an arm drag as he charges Falcon .. Falcon with a standing drop kick keeps Priest on his back as he trys to get back up .."

SiD " This is Falcon's first match and he is looking pretty good , for me to poop on , hahaha .."

Guy "Try and be original SiD , I mean come on ... I don't think you even said it correctly . Priest on his knees catches Falcon off the ropes and slams him down . He rolls over for the cover but Falcon reverses it and gets a quick two count . Falcon helps Killer Priest up by his hair then executes a snap mare take down ... "

SiD " Nice move but on to funier and better things , did you see how pissed Killer Priest got when Spidey interupted his match last Friday .. Heh , he should do it again ..."

Guy " Falcon whips priest into the ropes but Priest grabs on to them and hangs on . Falcon reacting quickly charges and nails Priest with a clothesline that sends him over the ropes . Falcon hops twice then flings himself over the top rope catching Priest with a flying cross body and both me hit the floor hard ."

SiD " Thats why they call it a high risk manuver , both men could get hurt and they did ."

Guy " Priest gets up first and slowley picks up Falcon who he helps through a table at ring side ..."

SiD " Oh man he smashed him through that like it was piece of used toilet paper ."

Guy " Why couldn't you just say toilet paper , did it have to be used ? Priest with a ddt to Falcon and then climbs back into the ring .."

SiD " Falcon has a little blood on the corner of his mouth . I wonder if it is from the table or the ddt ?"

Guy " Falcon slow to get up and when he does he recieves a double ax handle from Killer Priest from off the ring apron ... Priets now with a fist full of hair sends Falcon into the ring pole and Falcon hits his shoulder first ."

SiD " Lucky man that could of been his head .."

Guy " Ewwww did you see that ??? Falcon just got a boot up into Priests balls and he just spit up blood ..."

SiD " This is a brutal matc s both men have been going at it all week . I thought Priest just had the match clinched but I don't know who's gonna win ."

Guy " Yeah , he's hunched up on the flor right now as Falcon gives him another boot to the face splitting open his nose ... Both men are bloody now as the battle rages on . Falcon climbs back into the ring to break the count , then hops back out to deliver more pain to The Priest .... A side suplex and a few other moves keep Killer Priest down . Then Falcon climbs into the ring and up the ropes .. Here he comes flying outside the ring at Priest , who rolls out of the way and Falcon comes down hard with a crash ..."

SiD " Oh man that hadda hurt !!!"

Guy " Priest drags Falcn into the ring and gets a cover and his mistake is gonna cost him the match as Killer Priest gates a three count .."

Winner : Killer Priest
Guy " Well that was a good opening match , but what about the current state of the fed ?"

SiD " What do you mean ?"

Guy " Well we got Spidey back and Issues also ."

SiD " Awww Issues is just Nick amd what was The Prez thinking about giving him head of displinary comittee , it's just gonna go to his head . Whats he gonna do on his cards Goldberg and Steve Eggs Hard are not here to win all the time ..."

Guy " Well I'm glad we got the whole staff back . It just wasn't the same with out Nick and Spidey . Spidey leaving sucked all the fun out of the place and there was nobody for people to bitch about with out Nick ."

SiD " Ah this fed was never fun from the start , its just a fat check for me every week ."

Guy " Lets just get on to the next match . Sometimes I wonder why I even talk to you ."

Iceman -vs- Eric " The Crusher " Johnson
No Intro's

Guy " Here we go Iceman and Johnson lock horns . Johnson slips around the back of Iceman but Iceman is quick to react and takes down The Crusher with a russian foot sweep .. Iceman wastes no time as he hops on top of Johnson and starts beating him in the face . The Crusher cuts Iceman's attack short with a ball shot and Iceman rolls over in pain ."

SiD " Hey , we had two ball shots this evening , Nick , I mean Issues should do something about it ...."

Guy " Why ?"

SiD " He's the head of the displinary committee , hehe .."

Guy " Cut it out ... The Crusher with an irsih whip into the ropes then a devistating clothesline takes down Iceman .. Iceman is back up only to be scoop slammed .."

SiD " Hey some broad is comimg to the ring ... Look at her she looks like some to bit ho .Oh god what a busted bitch ."

Guy " She is getting up on the ring apron , what does she want ???"

SiD " The ref I guess she is flirting with him .. AAAAAAA she just pulled down his pants !! "

Guy " Oh god she's not doing what I think she is doing is she ???"

SiD " Yep , that busted theeth bitch is sucking the ref off as Iceman is beating Crusher with a chair .. WAIT , did you hear that ."

Guy " Yes it's , it's The Alliance's music are they back ?"

( Killer Priest , Farooq come out lead by Nightmare . They make there way into the ring and high five the ref as he continues to recieve his gift from the whore they bought him ... )

Guy " Isn't that ref married .."

SiD " Yeah and I'd hate to meet her since he seems to be happy getting his nob slobbed by that ugly prostitute . His wife must be one busted hefer .."

Guy " Farooq and Killer Priest are beating down Eric Johnson as Nightmare grabs the mic ."

Nightmare " Hello RMWF , as you can see the man , the myth , THE LEDGEND IS BACK . Also so is The Alliance .. We like to welcome Iceman and Killer Priest to our ranks and we also like to welcome The Crusher , who is being crushed right now , TO OUR FED , THE RMWF !!! "

( crowd goes wild )

Guy " Oh man they are beating him senceless , somebody's got to help him .."

( The Alliance beat Crusher for a few more minutes and as the ref finishes up and zips up , Iceman covers the bloody body of Eric Johnson ... Ref # 1 gives a three count and declares Iceman the winner .. Just then all hell breaks lose . Neep comes rushing down to the ring with the rest of the officials in the building . They try and break up The Allaince but a big fued is all they acomplish ... Just then Issues comes out and slams Iceman through a table as the rest of The Allaince starts to gang up on Issues a loud crash is heard as a space ship crashes into the top of the arena . )

SiD " What the hell was that . "

Guy " I don't know but thats gonna cost The Prez a lot for that repair bill . "

( Just then Asmodeus walks out of the ship he hits Nightmare with a big ball of energy and every one scatters .. Neep rushes to The Prez's office and franticly knocks on the door . )

Neep " WIL he's here ... ( gasp ) for The Infinity Gauntlet !!! "

The Prez " Good , I knew he would come . Sick The Klaw on him and let the first Divison X match begin !!!!"

Asmodeus -vs- The Klaw ( Divison X )
( Nightmare and The Crusher are the only ones left in the ring ... Asmodeus picks up Nightmare who punches him in the face .. Stunned Asmodeus stumbles back and Nightmare leaves the ring .. Just then The Klaw and his henchmen come to the ring ... Asmodeus grabs The Klaw and flys into the air for a flying piledriver then he screams at the fans . )

Asmodeus " I am here for The Infinity Gauntlet !!! Bring your best champions I will crush them all .."

SiD " Hmmmm so this is Division X hugh ?? "

Guy " I guess so and it is sure exciting .."

SiD " Yeah I guess I'm gonna go find Bad Andy and get some beer .."

Guy " Well Neep just came back to try and get Crusher out of the ring as The Klaw sends a wave of sound at Asmodeus making him crash through the ring ... So now the ring is destroyed with the roof of the arena .. You can bet The RMWF is never gonna be asked back here ever again ! "

Guy " The Klaw turns his hand into a sharp blade and swipes at Asmodeus slashing his arm . He winds up for the killing blow but Asmodeus ducks and The Klaw misses spinning around in a circle . Asmo - catches Klaw and atomic drops him then drop kicks him into the ropes ..."

Bad Andy " Rock me Asmodeus , I said Rock me Asmodeus ..."

Guy " What are you doing here , hey SiD back already ?"

SiD " Yeah I couldn't leave my broadcast partner by himself but I brought Andy with me because this is boring ."

Guy " This is exciting to super humans battling it out right in front of our faces . Any back stage news to report Andy ?"

Andy " Ummmm The Alliance and N.W.O. had it out in the bathroom while Faser Newlands was turning tricks in the stalls , thats about it .."

Guy " Thats not true ..."

Andy " No , they were really fightning . N.W.O. was out numbered but CSD came in to save the day . Mr. T built a gun out of a tooth paste tube and duck tape to save the day once again .."

Guy " Yeah but Fraser was not turning tricks in the bathroom . "

SiD " Yeah he was ..."

Guy " No he wasn't ..."

SiD " Was . "

Guy " Not . "

SiD " Was time infinity ."

Guy " Not times infinity plus one . AAAAAAhhhh stop it back to he match . "

Andy " Hey I have a problem , when I poop it sticks to my fur ."

Guy " Anyway Asmodeus just slammed The Klaw through a wall and he is powering up for one of his super blasts ... I can see the energy building up and swooooooooosh he fires at The Klaw who turns his body into pure sound and it passes right through him killing three fans ..."

SiD " Hey this is pretty good . They are slimming down the inbred fuckers who watch this crap ."

Guy " Don't talk about our fans like that ... The Klaw just flew into the sound system and Asmodeus is ripping it apart ..."

SiD " What , is this crap ... People flying into the sound system what does that mean ."

Guy " You see The Klaw is made of sound and he can do that stuff .."

SiD " Whatever , Andy pass me a beer ..."

Guy " The Klaw reapears on the ground and Asmodeus comes soaring towads him ... Which proves to be another assinine move as he passes right though The Klaw and crashes into our Zimbobway announcer table ."

Andy " Hey we're brodcated in Zimbobway I didn't even think they had TV's there . "

Shabako "**Click click click tuktuk click***"

SiD " Oh they seemed piss . "

Guy " Asmodeus flys back to his ship and is punching some buttons . The Klaw is holding his ears and screaming in pain ... He falls to his knees and I think it is over ."

Winner : Asmodeus

SiD " How did he do that ."

Guy " We have Reed Richards of The Fantastic Four to explain , lets go to him now .. Hello , Reed ? "

Reed Richards " Yes , Guy I hear you loud and clear stop yelling ... It's a simple solution The Klaw is made of pure sound and when in that form it is easy to defeat him if you have a portal for negative space , continuam , in the re-flux of the maspopular thingy . Then you just simply add Newton's posatronic ion displacement theory in conjunction with the space-time modiulification primcipal.. It's so easy a child could understand really "

SiD " What the fuck did he just say ? "

Andy " I think he said SiD suck little boy's dicks "

Guy " It's easy SiD , your just to stupid to understand ."

SiD " Then explain it to me smart ass ."

Guy " Ahhhhh he said , ahhhhhh that you suck little boy's dicks . Now on to the next match ...

( The arena is silent then BOOM BADDA BOOM hits the P.A. and " We are the Nation " blasts . Farooq comes out to the ring ... )

( Next , Armz follows . )

Guy " This is the main event but I don't know if it can top the last match .. They destroyed the half the arena . "

SiD " Yeah what happened to that space ship in the ceiling . "

Guy " Asmodeus left I guess to lick his wounds but I'm sure he will be back ."

( Dum Dum )

Guy " Armz clotheslines Farooq and is running around the ring shaking the ropes like The Ultimate Warrior . "

SiD " Didn't that guy die of a heroin overdose ?"

Guy " No thats just a terrible rumor , he lives in Arizona and sells hubcaps .."

Andy " Naw he doesn't he works at Domino's I saw him there before .."

Bob " Your all wrong he does gay porn under the name Bologna Bill ."

All Three anouncers " WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ??? "

Bob " I'm Bob . "

SiD " Oh ok that makes sence its Bob ."

Guy " Farooq with a crippler cross face has Armz in the middle of the ring . Armz gets away from it ? Both men exchanging blows toe to toe , man this is a battle of the titans isn't it ? "

SiD " More like a battle of some euro fag and a nigger ."

Guy " Oh my god SiD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . What did you just say don't ever say that . The RMWF does not codone racisim ."

( Andy jumps up on the announcer table and starts wiggling his butt chanting .)

Andy " Nigger , nigger , nigger , nigger ..."

Guy " STOP IT , STOP IT , STOP IT ......"

SiD " Why Fightnin Falcon says it all the time . He never gets in trouble ."

Guy " We have to set a positive example for the children . Plus here in The RMWF the views expressed by our wrestlers are not necissarly the views of federation . "

SiD " Explain Jamal then . "

Guy " Well you know errrrr , WOW did you just see Farooq send Armz out of the ring that was amazing ...Now hes off the turnbuckle with a bionic elbow!!!!! Armz is stunned but still lily white and has a superb physique.... Farooq slaps him in a Jamacian power press!!!!! Armz cant get out.... The ref starts counting.... Theres the 3 count... Farooq defeats Armz!!!!!! "

Winner : Farooq
Guy " Well thats the end of another Friday Night Slam . We once again apologize for any comments or matterial that might offended anyone here tonight ."

SiD " No we don't ."

Andy " Nigga Puuuuuuuhleeeeeeezze !!!! "

Guy " Oh god just cut the camera off quick .. "

( Bzzzzzzt , Fade to black . )

ÙÁÛÁÛÁÛŽÁÝŽÁÝŽÁÝŽÂßÃàÄáÅåÇæÈç‘Èé’Éê’Éê’Êé•ÍìšÏïŒÁá‘Ææ

RMWF

SpiderMan7788@aol.com

Visitors: 00839

Page Updated Sat May 19, 2001 6:38am EDT