Friday Night Slam 2-3-01 - On a Saturday ??? - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/rmwfarchives/2_3_01_Friday_Night

ssociation and " RMWF Cracked House " is selling off the shelves we bring you Friday Night Slam on Saturday !!! Forget " The XFL " this is all the excitement you need !!!

" This is Guy Mandel with another addition of Friday Night Slam , on Saturday ... Tonight we have two , count them , TWO title defenses , a match between two new comers and THE KLAW !!!!!!! "

( In The Prez's Office )

( The Prez sits at his desk filling in a cross word puzzle ... Thoughts of the fed run through his head . There first Playstation 2 game is a hit , his football league posted great ratings , Iceman is being ignored .. The Prez swings around in his chair and pushes a button as things set off in motion ... " I liked that limo " he thinks ...... )

( Iceman has just gotten off a long flight and can't wait to rest before his match with The Klaw . He will prove himself tonight by handing this loser his first loss and start his climb up The RMWF ladder . As he walks into his dressing room and switches on the light a horrible stench fills his lungs .. He gasps for air and runs into the bathroom as he spews his lunch into the sink before him ... Who would do such a terible thing , and he thinks he knows . )

SiD " Oh man I can't wait to see what The Prez has done to Iceman . You know he can be one sick bastard ."

Guy " Well Iceman started it by smashing up Neep and The Prez's limos so he should of expected this ..."

SiD " Yeah , The Prez does not have Costa Nastro to contend with any more . So all his time is free right now . Iceman better be careful ."

Guy " We will keep you updated lets get on with the first match ."

Killer Priest -vs- Confusion
Guy " Both men making there debut in The RMWF , lets see what happens ."

SiD " Yeah lets see if they stick around . We go through wrestlers like a Jamal's father goes through Klenex cleaning up his drool ..."

Guy " What ?? Kelnex , drool ???"

SiD " Yeah he is retarted , he drools . I hope his father cleans it up , you do the math ."

Guy " Both men in the ring as the bell sounds they lock up . Full Nelson slam by Killer Priest , takes down Confusion . "

SiD " What does that say down the priest's back ... Uuuuuum , I like cock ???"

Guy " Stop it , it does not say that."

SiD " How do you know you can't read Japaneese ???"

Guy " Either can you , now stop it , its a very cool tattoo .."

SiD " Yeah like you know what cool isl .. A Saturday night to you is a six pack of Zima and The Spice Channel ..."

Guy " Can we get on with the match , PLEASE !!!!!!

( Scene cuts over to the RMWF Press Room which is packed with reporters and photographers. The camera pans through them to the front where Spider-Man stands behind a podium before switching to a closer camera for a direct shot. )

Nameless Reporter " Mr. Vice President.. what are your comments on the allegations of you having sexual incounters with that underage runaway "

Spider-Man sighs " Look .. For the LAST time... I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT GIRL!!!! Ok??? "

Dan Rather " But Spider-Man surely you can't expect all of America to beleive.. "

Spider-Man " Look pal... What did i just say???? Now ask me something else or get the fuck outta here "

Tom Brokaw " Mr. Spider-Man .. what promted you to return to the RMWF???? Didnt you say then that you would most probably never return???? Adding that you really havent even been gone for more than a month "

Spider-Man " Yea well.. i really didnt plan on coming back.. fortunatly for America however the Prez made arrangements allowing me to continue working for this fed.. That givin however i STILL didnt want to return because at this point in my life i really dont need the aggravation... but considering the current state of the fed and its lack of shows and staff etc.. i decided that i would come back and try to help the Prez take this fed back to the top "

Sam Donaldson " And Mr. Vice Presiedent how exactly do you plan on doing that??? "

Spidey " Well.. By living up to the old standards of quality i am reputed to have.. as all the old schoolers here are aware of.. not to mention that i also have a few other ideas ive been tossing around.. one being the co-development of an RMWF video game for playstaion "

( The scene cut over to Clive Anderson. )

Clive " There you have it from the man himself.. Spider-Man's triumphant return to the RMWF will no doubt carry this fed back to true greatness.. Unfortunately the bloody bastards wouldnt let me into the press conferance.. i had some good questions i wanted to ask.. whats Tom Brokaw got that i dont.. oh bloody hell.. "

SiD " What the hell???? He preemted our show!!!!! "

Guy " Yeah he did .. But at least we got back in time to see Confusion lose the match "

Winner: Killer Priest
SiD " So what.. Is Spider-Man back or what??? Him and the Prez keep saying he is yet wheres his damn show???? "

Guy " Beats the hell out of me "

SiD " And what happened to " I'm never coming back to the RMWF???? The bugs was away what 3 weeks???? "

Guy " True .. But anyway our next match is about to start "

Iceman -vs- The Klaw
( Ice Man comes down to the ring to Limp Bizkit , and rolls under the ring ropes ... )

Guy " Here we go as The Klaw attacks Iceman before the bell ... Iceman counters with a big right "

SiD " Who is this Iceman guy anyway???? Is he the super hero or Val Kilmer in Top Gun??? "

Guy " Im pretty sure hes Iceman the wrestler "

SiD " Asshole "

Guy " Iceman is mudhole stomping The Klaw .. The Klaw who had an impessive debut match is not looking to shabby right now ..."

SiD " What the hell is mudhole stomping , when you kick a guy in the butthole ??? Thats the only mudhole I can think of in this match .."

Guy " Stop it, your so nasssssssssty . Iceman with a double arm side suplex takes down The Klaw ..."

SiD " I wonder what happend with Iceman in his locker room ???"

Guy " Clive Anderson will have a detailed report for us after this match ... Chop Block followed by spine buster and a cover ... The Klaw kicks out and scrambles to the outside of the ring ... He runs over to one of his henchmen who hand him something ..."

SiD " Hmmmmmmmmmm !!!!! "

Guy " Iceman follows The Klaw who hits him with some foreign object ..."

SiD " Where is it from , China , hahahahahaha ......"

Guy " That was gay , SiD , Riley Finn , gay !!!!! Iceman is cut as The Klaw lunges at him . The Klaw starts a furious attack taking Iceman down hard to the cold , hard floor ... Iceman starts to fight back but he is still stunned from the hit he took with that object ... The Klaw's hencmen hold Iceman up as he winds up to take another shot at Iceman . Iceman ducks and The Klaw nails his own man ... Iceman starts to stomp his feet and shake his head."

SiD " Oh no he is pumped up now ...."

Guy " Iceman picks up The Klaw and flings him into the ring , he climbs to the top rope and fly's off crashing all his weight down on The Klaw .. The cover 1 , 2 ,3 and Iceman wins ."

Winner : Iceman
" This is Clive Anderson with your locker room report . The RMWF janitorial team has reported to me , and only ME , Clive Anderson .... That somebody left the dismembered bodies of Cactus Jackson and Mr. Tits in Iceman's locker room . Iceman confronted The Prez on it who just laughed , then reportly lifted his leg and farted before having Iceman escorted out of his office ...."

Guy " Thank you Clive now for our double main event !!! Do to time restraints and the laziness of the staff we are gonna have both title matches at the same time ... To seperate rings are being erected and both matches will go on toghether ... This is a first in The RMWF and wrestling EVER !!!!!!"

SiD " Don't try and make this sound exciting and cover for our lazy Prez .. Its a sham , a fucking sham !!!!!! "

Armz -vs- Ravage ( European Belt )
Farooq -vs- Neep ( Harcore Belt )

( Everybody comes out to there music and entrance themes ... The crowd is so excited that they are lighting themselves on fire and passing out from excitement ...)

Guy " You know what ? You can say this is just a sham but I think it is awesome .. We're gonna have some of the greatest ever all wrestling at the same time , plus above the rings suspended in cages we have " Shytown's S&M Show Extravaganza " ... It is now touring 32 states , so keep an eye out because it may be coming to a town near you ..."

SiD " Oh uhhhhhh hummm this is my part .. How this works is Guy and I will be calling The Armz / Ravage match ... Sleazy D's Head and Fraser Newlands will be calling Neep / Farooq .. Bad Andy will keep us updated on Shytown's cages up above , starring the finest ho's from around the world representing Japan , India , Germany , and Detroit !!!"

Guy " For those not familar with , Shytown , he is an ex GFW superstar and has done some reporting for The RMWF in the past ..."

SiD " Don't forget ex pimp , also ..."

Guy " Oh yes don't forget that !!! Then the biggest part of the show is in the middle of the rings , K'nish Goldust , will be holding his first ever annual fashion show , now thats entertainment ......"

SiD " Lets go !!!!!! "

" This is Fraser Newlands w/Slezy D's Head getting geared up for Neep -vs- Farooq for The Hardcore belt ... "

Sleazy D " The match has begun as Neep already has Farooq in a full nelson in the center of the ring ..."

Guy " Over in our neck of the woods Armz gets off to an early start by taking down Ravage with a choke hold ... Armz slows things down now with an arm bar as Ravage trys to reverse it , Armz slips behind him and slaps on a full nelson and ...."

SiD " Oh my god Andy , you there ? Look at that girl from India !!!! I never thought an indian chick could be that HOT !!!! "

Bad Andy " Oh yeah SiD , I see her ... Now I have a reason to send money to the Indain Earthquake fund , to save some of that beuatiful poooooootang !!!!!!"

Guy " OH MY GOD , SID !!!! Did you see that move by Armz , he crushed Ravage !!!"

SiD " No way , I'm watching these chicks in the cages ..."

Fraser " Neep has just lost control of his match as Farooq pulls off a double pump slam which sends him out of the ring onto , Goldust's fashion show ramp ..."

Sleazy D " And thats where the match continues , outside the ring on the fashion show ramp ....."

Fraser " Oh god no Neep , come on ..."

Sleazy D " Farooq has just slammed Neep through the fashion shows ramp which sends it crashing to the floor ... Goldust is pissed and he attacks Farooq !!!"

Fraser " Yeah you guys gotta see this , Goldust is whouping Farooq's ass in a dress .."

Andy " Screw that , these chicks are almost naked and some black guy is whipping the one fron Detroit with a leash and the one from Japan is peeing in a bowl ..."

SiD " Yeah Shytown is losing me here , yuck !!! This is some wierd crap !!!"

Guy " Armz has Ravage in another arm bar as he climbs the ropes and he comes down with a chop to his rotator cuff ... Armz now whips Ravage into the ropes and takes him dwon with a side slam that shakes the entire ring ....."

SiD " Nice move , yeah like I'm watching ... Guy you should be watching these chicks in the cages !!!! "

Andy " Hey SiD , I talked Shytown into letting us get a private lap dance by them after the show .."

SiD " Oh man come on somebody win these matches and get this crap over with .. GREAT JOB ANDY !!!!!! "

Fraser " The Preacher Man is out here ... He just drove his motorcycle into the broken fashion show ramp and dove off to attack Goldust .. Meanwhile Neep is getting beat down by Farooq who used a broken board to knock him out ... Damn , why didn't the ref DQ him I gott go help my partner !!!!!"

Sleazy D " Hey come back , you can't interfere !!!!!! Man if I only had a body to stop him .."

Guy " Armz is still beating down Ravage as the comic book hero , knock off is getting his ass handed to him ... Ravage trys to escape out of the ring but Armz knocks him off and he goes crashing through a table outside of the ring .."

Sleazy D " Fraser just attacked Farooq and the bell sounded over here as someone got diqualified , who I do not know but the battle rages on between all four men ..."

Guy " We got a pin over here by Armz 1 , 2 , 3 and a new European champ !!!! "

Andy " The girls are still dancing and doing wierd S&M crap and more excited then Rosie O'donald in a candy store .. if that is possible .."

SiD " Well you just killed my mood by mentioning that fat slob ......"

Sleazy D " Well we just got our official announcement , Neep has been DQ'd which means he loses but keeps his hadcore belt ... Farooq is pissed and has just launched the ref into the crowd ..."

Winner and New Euro Champ : Armz
Winner by DQ : Farooq
Guy " Well thats all folks another insane Friady Nigth Slam which you could only see in The RMWF .. This is Guy Mandel for the rest of The RMWF crew saying good night , GOOD NIGHT !!!!!! "

( As the credits start to roll the camera shows Spider-Man walking to his limosine accompanied by two lovely ladies. A long haired reporter comes running up to him. "

Reporter " Spider-Man!!! I'm from the Howard Stern Show.. would you mind answering a few quequequequetions??? "

Spidey " Make it fast "

Stuttering John " H-h-h-h-oowowowowocckkocok does 16 year old p-p-p-ussy taste??? "

( Spidey stares at him. )

Spidey " Kinda like 13 yr old pussy only not as sweet "

( Stuttoring John begins to cough out another question but Spider-Man climbs into his limosine with the two of age girls and it pulls away. )

RMWF

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Page Updated Sat May 19, 2001 6:38am EDT