( The camera shows the Prez and Spider-Man sitting in the Prez's office drinking beer and playing Tony Hawk's Pro-Skater 2, SiD Nasty is watching them. )
Prez " Fucker you're cheating!!! "

Spider-Man " Just cause you suck doesn't mean I'm cheating "

Prez " Ok whatever .. Your IN the fucking game so don't tell me you don't know how to cheat at it!!! "
"

Spider-Man " Blow me "

SiD " Hey guys can I play yet??? "

Prez and Spider-Man " No "

Spider-Man " Bitch "

( The camera switches over to Guy Mandell at tonight's Havok show. )
"This is Guy Mandel coming at you live from the Tokyo Civic Arena in Japan. SiD Nasty is on vacation so filling in for him now is The RMWF's Japaneese embasitor .. Takashi. "

Taki " Konichiwa!!! "

Guy " Tonight we have a small show due to the fact that no one wanted to come to Japan .. We do have Leaping Lenny Poppo though if any of you remember him .. His match is coming up now "

Taki " Where is ring announcer Arnold Jackson???? I told he would be here!!!! "

Guy " Well .. Gary Coleman could not make it tonight .. His kidneys were bothering him "

Taki " Ah so .. I see "

Leaping Lenny Poppo -vs- The Assasin

( blah blah blah hits tha blah blah blah as The Assasin walks down to the ring. Next out is Lenny Poppo who enters the arena tossing frisbees to the crowd. )
Taki " Why he do that??? "

Guy " I guess he's trying to befriend your people "

Taki " Ah so "

Guy " Lenny's pulling down the mic "

Leaping Lenny " I tried to come up with a rhyme for ASSasin
but sorry kids it could not happen
so as the new Real Man Wrestling Fed poet
I'm the best there is and you should know it
I lay my opponents down with the 1..2..Three
and ASSasin baby your history "

Guy " Assasin raises an eyebrow at Lenny as the crowd cheer's at Lenny's poem "

Taki " Here come Lenny rushing Assasin "

Guy " So Taki do you like working for the RMWF over here??? "

Taki " Hy!!! RMWF VERY big here in Japan .. I am like very famous celebrity here " "

Guy " Really??? Hell .. I pretty much AM the RMWF in America and no one even knows who I am there "

Taki " That's because you big loser!!! Hahaha!!! "

Guy " What???? "

Taki " You lazy American .. Nobody likes you Hahahaha!!! "

Guy " Yeah well we bombed your ass in the war "

Taki " Oh big scary Mr. John Wayne America .. I'm shaking in my boots!!! Hahahaha!!!! You need shut your mouth and watch match!!!! "

Guy " LLP powerbombs The Assasin followed by an elbow to the groin "

Taki " He pick up Assasin by head then drop kick him!!!! "

Guy " Assasin with a legdrag but right after is suplexed by Lenny!!!! "

Guy " Assasin with a body-slam to Lenny .. He gets to his knees and gets elbow-dropped back down!!!! "

Taki " Hahahahaha!!!!! Can you say .. WASABI!!!! "

Guy " What??? "

Taki " Don't question Takashi .. You commontate!!! "

Guy " Theres the Pin!!!! Lenny wins the match!!!! "

Winner: Leaping Lenny Poppo

Taki " Finary!!!! "

Guy " Huh???? "

Taki " FINARY!!!! "

Guy " Oh you mean 'finally' "

Taki " That's what i said .. 'finary'!!!! "

Guy " Well next up we have The Black Widow up against Sha-sha "

Black Widow -vs- Sha-sha

( 'I Heard It Through The Grapevine' hits the PA and out dances Sha-sha and he does a little spin before climbing into the ring. Then The Soviet national anthem comes on as Black Widow makes her appearance. )
Taki " That Sha-sha one skinny black man .. He going to get himself hurt "

Guy " Don't be so sure .. He's friends with the Prez or something so the fix could be in "

Taki " Ah so .. Sneaky Americans "

Guy " Plus no one else volinteered to face her so .. "

Taki " Enough chit-chat!!!! Back to work!!!! "

Guy " Black Widow just standing there shaking her head at Sha-sha .. She looks disappointed in Spider-Man's choice of her opponent "

Taki " She one foxy lady though "

Guy " Well there's something we can agree on "

Taki " Sha-sha is taunting her .. She helicoptor kicks his boney ass across ring!!! Hahahahaha!!!!! "

Guy " Sha-sha now trying to keep his distance is running away from Widow!!!!! "

Taki " He look as stupid as you!!!! Hahahaha!!!!! "

Guy " Jesus Christ .. I never thought I'd hear myself say this but I wish SiD was here "

Taki " Well he not .. You work now!!!! "

Guy " Black Widow somersaults across the ring and grabs Sha-sha's neck with her legs and throws him into the turnbuckle!!!!! He gets up and pinches her tit!!!! She double-jabs him and he falls on his ass!!!! "

Taki " Ah so .. What she do now???? It's her finisher!!!! "

Guy " Black Widow has Sha-sha in a Widow maker and he is screaming for dear life!!!! CSD comes running in and taps Widow on the shoulder .. What the hell???? "

Taki " Look like they exchanging words "

Guy " She releases Sha-sha and pulls him to his feet!!!!! Sha-sha's smiling and shaking CSDs hand .. CSD steps back and Widow Iron Curtains Sha-sha!!!!! Sha-sha is out cold!!!! "

Winner: Black Widow

Taki " I guess CSD just not want Sha-sha dead "

Guy " I guess so "

Taki " Ah so .. We have our next match now!!!! "

Darkstalka -vs- Slezy-D

( Balls of smoke arise from the entryway, when the smoke clears a coffin with Darkstalka in it is revealed. He leaves the coffin and makes his way to the ring. Slezy-D comes out next as 'Dragul' by Rob Zombie hits the PA and goes down to the ring. )

Guy " Umm .. why are they wearing G-strings???? "

Taki " Not G-strings!!!! Traditional Sumo loinclothes!!!! "

Guy " Oh god "

Taki " You shut up!!! Do your job!!!! "

Guy " Oh brother .. Darkstalka charges after Slezy and an immidiate scoop-slam!!!! Slezy gets to his knees but is forced back to the mat with an elbow drop!!! Darkstalka drags him by his head to the ropes then tosses him out of the ring!!!! Going off the top rope he axe-handles Slezy as he tries to get to his feet!!!! "

Taki " Ah so!! Slezy get back up and tornado-ddt Dalkastalka!!!! Here come Darky with an uppercut that knocks Slezy down!!! Now he stopping on him!!!! "

Guy " Slezy grabs Darkstalkas G-string .. "

Taki " SUMO LOINCLOTHE!!!! "

Guy " Right .. Whatever .. And pulls it down to his knees!!!! Darkstalka stumbles and falls to the mat!!! Slezy-D now with a figure four leg-lock!!!! Darkstalka seems more concerned with getting his 'sumo loinclothe' up rather then escaping the hold "

Taki " Hahahaha!!!! "

Guy " Darkstalka dressed again and side-belly suplexes Slezy!!! He follows with an arm wrench!!!! "

Taki " Ah so "

Guy " There's a Darksider!!!!! ...1...2...Slezy kicks out!!!! "

Taki " Slezy-D take chain off his neck and lassos Darkstalka's feet with it .. He pulls him to the canvas!!!!! "

Guy " Slezy just kicked Darkstalka in the balls!!!!! "

Taki " Ouch!!!! "

Guy " Darkstalka pulls a small machette from his boot and chops Slezy in the side of the leg!!!!! "

Taki " Ah so!!! Those some roomy boots!!!!! "

Guy " Slezy grabs his bloody leg as Darkstalka gets the chain off his feet and drop-kicks him!!!! He just chopped off Slezy's hand!!!! Now he's stomping the bloody stump!!!!! "

Taki " He brutal!!!!! Taki going to be sick!!!!! "

Guy " What the fuck????? I thought he chopped his hand off!!!!! It's back though!!! "

Taki " He did!!!! I see it!!!! Some wierd shit go on out there!!!! "

Guy " Darkstalka looks as puzzled as we do about that .. Slezy takes advantage of his confusion and nails him with a vibrating knuckle punch!!!!! Darkstalka hits the mat hard!!!!! Slezy with a pin!!!!!! Darkstalka loses!!! "

Winner: Slezy-D

Taki " Them guys was scarey!!!!! Who we got next????? "

Guy " The Preacher Man up against some 'surprize opponent' "

Taki " Ah so!!! That is right!!!! We have special treat for you now folks!!!! "

Guy " Mind telling me who the 'surprise opponent' is????? "

Taki " Shut up!!!! You see!!! "

Preacher Man -vs- ???????

( The techno version of 'Son of a Preacher Man' hits the PA as strobe lights fill the arena. Preacher Man walks down the catwalk, his three Acolytes following behind him. Next 'Destiny to Destroy' comes on the PA and out struts Pikachu who is accompanied by two slutty looking Japaneese school girls. )
Guy " What .. The fuck???? Pikachu???? "

Taki " SUPLIZE!!!! "

Guy " He's grabbing the mic "

Pikachu " Pika!!!! Pika Pika!!!! PIKA!!!!! "

Guy " What the hell was that???? I don't believe this!!!! Spider-Man must be pretty bored to set this match up .. I mean PIKACHU???? What the hell???? "

Taki " Pokemon very very big!!!! Equal BIG ratings!!!! You see!!!! "

Guy " Who's next .. Godzilla???? "

Taki " No!!!! He LAST week!!!!! "

Guy " I wish I was back in America with SiD "

Taki " So do I .. You Americans smell funny "

Guy " Beats smelling like rice and sushi "

Taki " You watch you mouth big dummy!!!! I go Banzai on you!!!

Guy " Preacher man's standing there as confused as the rest of us about his opponent .. Pikachu thundershocks the preacher sending him flying into the ropes. He returns with a clothesline to Pikachu but misses!!!! Pika releases a bright flash that seems to have blinded PM!!!! He's staggering around reaching his arms out and Pika's laughing at him!!!! "

Taki " Hahahaha!!!! "

Guy " The effects seem to have worn off now and Preacher Man catches Pika off guard and body slams him .. Now he slaps on an armlock!!!! Pikachu is starting to cry!!!! "

Taki "Poor Pikachu "

Guy " Preacher Man seems moved by the Pokemon's tears and releases him!!!! Pika lighting blasts him though and the preacher falls to his knees!!!! He's giving the Preacher Man the finger!!!! I thought Pikachu was suposed to be nice???? "

Taki " Hahahaha!!!! You SO stupid!!!! Pikachu only nice for children .. He is really one bad motherfucker!!!! "

Guy " I didn't know that "

Taki " Thats because you big stupid American .. Now shut up!!!! Do your job!!!! "

Guy " It's bad enough I have to deal with SiD but I don't get paid enough to deal with this crap "

Taki " Taki say shut up!!!! Work!!!! "

Guy " Fine .. Pikachu thundershocks Preacher Man again .. This time sending him flying out of the ring!!!! The preacher is hurt bad and crawling around the floor "

Taki " Hahahaha!!!! "

Guy " Pikachu off the top rope with an axe handle to Preacher Man!!!! Pika is bouncing up and down laughing .. Preacher Man just dumped a bucket of water on the Pikachu!!!! Sparks are flying everywhere and he's screaming!!!!! Pikachu just collapsed!!!! "

Taki " What??? Pikachu not supposed to lose!!!!! "

Guy " Well he did "

Winner: Preacher Man

Guy " That was ridiculous!!!! I can't believe that match!!!! "

Taki " You shut up!!!! We still have one more match!!!! "

Guy " Yeah .. And it's for the TV title "

Taki " Ah so!!!! "

Bandit -vs- Goldust

( 'Fuck off' by Kid Rock hits the PA as Bandit heads down the catwalk to the ring carring a baseball bat. Next comes Goldust, shaking his belt at the crowd. )
Taki " Goldust-San Tokyo favorite .. He a-ok "

Guy " Goldust sets his belt down and before the bell rings Bandit cracks him over the head with his bat!!!! Bandit goes for another hit but Goldust grabs the bat and head-butts him!!! He arm-drags Bandit out of the ring!!!! "

Taki " Goldust jumps over ropes and knee-drops Bandit's head!!!! He try to reach his bat but Goldust bitch-slap him!!!! Now he waving his penis in Bandits face!!!! Hahahaha!!!!! That Goldust one funny charactor "

Guy " Bandit knocks Goldust off him then kicks him in the face!!!! Now he picks up his bat and clubs Goldust with it!!!! "

Taki " Oh no!!!! Blood washing off gold paint!!!! That not right!!!! "

Guy " It wouldn't be a RMWF show if it wasn't bloody though "

Taki " True .. True "

Guy " Goldust shoves Bandit against the barriers and gets back into the ring .. Bandit trys to as well but Goldust punches him off the apron!!!! Bandit picks up his bat and whips it at Goldust's head!!!! Direct hit!!! Goldust staggers back!!!! "

Taki " That Bandit one tough costomer "

Guy " Tough .. But maybe not so bright because now Goldust has a weapon .. Goldust is standing their in a batter's stance as Bandit re-enters the ring and comes after him "

Taki " Ah so!!!! Bandit tried to duck but Goldust-san still hit him!!!! Bandit bleed too now!!!! "

Guy " Goldust grabs Bandit's head and gives him a big kiss on the mouth!!!!! Then a neck-breaker!!!! "

Taki " I bet Goldust-san one great kisser "

Guy " I really don't want to know "

Taki " Goldust-san with a drop-kick and now a figure four!!!! "

Guy " I wish this match would end .. I'd like to go to bed soon "

Taki " Oh you lazy American's are all the same .. You fear work!!!! You do job or else!!!! "

Guy " Yeah yeah yeah "

Taki " I'm serious!!!! "

Guy " Goldust seems to have the advantage now .. He scoop-slams Bandit and a pin!!!!! Wait a minute here comes Madman to the ring!!!! He slides in and kicks Goldust off Bandit on a two count!!!!! "

Taki " Ah so!!!! Thats not fair!!! "

Guy " In the RMWF nothing is "

Taki " Madman is stomping Goldust-san while Bandit is clearing his head .. Madman lifts him up and slaps on a full-nelson!!!!! Now Bandit is punching crap out of poor Goldust-san!!!!! Where is referee???? "

Guy " I think Madman paid him off .. He's over by the bell counting some money .. That's all you Japs care about "

Taki " What did you just say???? "

Guy " Did I stutter???? "

Taki " You have offended my people's honor .. Prepare to die!!!!! "

Guy " Bandit has Goldust pinned!!!! "

Taki " Do not take my threats idley!!!!!! "

Guy " There's the count!!!!!

Winner and New TV Champ: Bandit

Guy " Bandit proved again why he is one of our best wrestlers tonight folks "

Taki " I am warning you!!!!! "

Guy " Look Taki .. You can't touch me because if you do the Prez will have you killed .. So try to save some dignity and be quiet "

Taki " This is not over!!!! "

Guy " Yes it is .. Well this concludes this installment of Havok be sure to tune in tomorrow for our Battle Royal Event on Raw "

Taki " Okay!!!! Show over!!!! You go now!!!!

Guy " Gladly "

Taki " You here four hour!!!! You go now!!!! "

( The camera cuts back to the Prez's office where the Prez and Spider-Man are still playing Playstation and drinking beer. )
The Prez " Take that faggot!!! "

Spider-Man " Yeah???? What now bitch!!! "

The Prez " You fucker "

Spider-Man " Heh .. Oh yeah people at home .. We got a special Halloween PPV show coming up .. Elvira's going to host it and I'm going to fuck her .. We'll also have some honorary belts for grabs too kiddies .. So if anyone's actually watching this you got a leg up on the rest "

The Prez " Nobody cares "

Spider-Man " I know .. Fuck it "

The Prez " Just say goodnight "

Spider-Man " No "

RMWF

SpiderMan7788@aol.com

Visitors: 01172

Page Updated Fri May 25, 2001 1:05am EDT

Leaping Lenny " I tried to come up with a rhyme for ASSasin but sorry kids it could not happen so as the new Real Man Wrestling Fed poet I'm the best there is and you should know it I lay my opponents down with the 1..2..Three and ASSasin baby your history "

Leaping Lenny " I tried to come up with a rhyme for ASSasin
but sorry kids it could not happen
so as the new Real Man Wrestling Fed poet
I'm the best there is and you should know it
I lay my opponents down with the 1..2..Three
and ASSasin baby your history "