FROM A GUY'S POV (Point Of View)
1. Why chocolate makes them deliriously happy
Merely saying the word bonbons can deplete a guy's testosterone levels. But for womankind, bonbons supply necessary calories through an ideal vehicle.
"Guys and girls like fat, but girls like theirs mixed with carbohydrates -- as in sweets and cookies -- while guys like theirs laced with protein -- as in hot dogs and hamburgers," says anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. This difference may have developed because primitive men hunted for protein while women gathered carbohydrates.
What you can do about it: Buy them a box of chocolates, then steal all the good ones when they’re not looking.
2. Why we can’t keep our eyes off their, umm, breasts
Many researchers have pondered this strange effect: Some say that healthy breasts signify a mate ideal for childbearing, while others report that breasts make women easier to spot from afar -- good for primitive suitors with poor eyesight.
After much study, we've concluded that breasts function purely as mind-control devices.
What you can do about it: To avoid being hypnotized, do not stare directly at them!
3. Why they’re addicted to perfume, makeup and bath soaps
Like deer and German shepherds, girls have a stronger sense of smell than guys.
"Because they are more acutely aware of smell, girls are more likely to care about how they smell," says Fisher, explaining why girls spend more money on shampoos, soaps, cosmetics and perfumes than the Yankees spend on high-priced veterans. Research indicates that using these fragrances has a marked influence on the female's ability to function.
In a study conducted by researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia, men and women were placed in a room odorized with one of three scents: a floral scent, a bathroom smell or a neutral smell. Half were told that they were going to smell an odor that might affect their performance on a test; the other half were told nothing.
Women who were told about the smell performed better than women who weren't, regardless of the actual odor in the test room. "Women work on the assumption that fragrance is good and improves life," says study author and sensory psychologist Avery Gilbert, Ph.D.
The men who were told about the smells performed worse, probably because the odors distracted them. Which may in fact be perfume's real purpose: As a subtle form of chemical warfare, it distracts guys from issues at hand, making it easier for feminine creatures to win arguments, break down our resolve, and convince us to buy them more perfume.
What you can do about it: Buy them more perfume.
4. Why they tend to leave us for taller guys
How tall? Preliminary research from the University of Texas suggests that the ideal height for a man is four to six inches taller than his female companion.
"There's no consensus on any other body part, but they're all quite adamant on height," says Dev Syngh, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Texas. It may be that height is related to power and that women want someone to look up to.
What you can do about it: Find a short woman (there are plenty) or invest in a pair of elevator shoes.
5. Why they're so fascinated with our butts
The original theory was that women were compelled to stare at the male buttocks because it almost never stares back. But in fact, they're only checking out your booty because it's a clue to your worthiness as a physical specimen.
"Your butt says a lot about your physical condition," says Michael Cunningham, Ph.D, a University of Louisville psychology professor. If you're in great shape, it carries high. Otherwise, it droops like a sack of old potatoes.
What you can do about it: Do squats like there’s no tomorrow, or buy some butt pads.
6. Why they cry more than guys do
Some girls seem to cry at the drop of a hat. It may be the way their brains are wired. Ph.D. anthropologist Helen Fisher describes an intriguing study in which men and women were sent through an MRI machine and asked to think sad thoughts. While they did this, the women's brains lit up eight times more than the men's!
"Girls may be more emotional than guys, or perhaps they can express emotions more easily," says Fisher.
But guys may actually be just as emotional, holding back until overcome by a tide of emotions (called flooding). This can happen during a traumatic event, such as a breakup, a loss in the state playoffs, or a swift left hook to the jaw.
What you can do about it: Give them a tissue and a shoulder to cry on, and don’t try to solve their problems. They’ll thank you later.
7. Why they go to the bathroom in groups
We don't buy the whole traveling-in-packs-for-protection stuff; girl's joint ventures to the can are nothing more than the female equivalent of the football-field sideline.
"When girls go to the bathroom, it's like a timeout -- and there they confer with each other much in the same way players do with their coaches," says Cunningham. "They talk about their performances, their strategies and the next play to call."
They're probably contemplating your tight end, too.
What you can do about it: Get all the burps and farts out of your system while the girls are gone. Heck, they may be doing the same.
8. Why they throw like girls
Most girls throw a baseball with their throwing hand about as well as we do with our glove hand. What gives?
"Before age 10, boys' bodies are no better developed for throwing than girls'. But with puberty and testosterone, a guy's whole shoulder complex turns into a throwing machine," says Fisher.
This makes sense, given the need for us to throw spears at woolly mammoths and snowballs at officials during halftime at Giants Stadium. Besides, women were busy growing something else. "Breasts can often get in the way of a good pitch," says Cunningham. Especially if they're located in a row right behind home plate.
What you can do about it: If you’re a righty, throw lefty to them to make them feel better. Or share a sport that doesn’t involve balls. Like chess.
9. Why they just don't get sports
A guy we know took his girlfriend to a Mets game a few years back, and she insisted on leaving in the top of the eighth, game tied. "Well, we've already seen what they do," she explained in girlspeak. "They're just going to keep doing the same thing."
The reason our poor, befuddled friend missed that rally in the bottom of the ninth is this: Buried deep within the brain architecture of guys is a love for the organized hierarchical working unit -- the team -- and the idea that you either win, or you lose.
For girls, says Ph.D. anthropologist Helen Fisher, that kind of competition is less important. What's more vital to their everyday lives is the emotional turmoil that unfolds around them, or at least on their favorite WB show.
This is why girls can bolt from a tie ballgame in the eighth but will remain glued to the futon until another exciting conclusion of Dawson’s Creek or Popular.
What you can do about it: When you go to the game, bring along another couple and two cars. If the girls want to split early, let 'em go. You can always meet up with 'em later, when the game -- and the TV show -- are over.
10. Why they don't read in the bathroom
If girls want quiet time, all they have to do is hang around guys. We won't say a thing unless we're hungry or our hair is on fire. "Girls don't need to read in the bathroom, because we allow them solitude whenever they want it," says Michael Cunningham, Ph.D., a University of Louisville psychology professor.
It's harder for guys to find peace and quiet -- and really, the john is our only sanctuary. Primitive females’ primary mode of survival didn't require silence (a requisite for hunting) but networking with others, since the weaker sex always had to negotiate.
This is why, even now, they still won't give us any peace and quiet.
What you can do about it: Make the most of your trips to the john. Bring along a good magazine like MH-18, and turn the fan on to drown out outside noise as you enjoy a moment or two of solitude.
11. Why they cross their legs at the knees
Three reasons:
A. First, unlike male anatomy, there's no protuberance lurking below, which makes this maneuver much, much easier.
B. "Girl's hips are oriented differently, making their legs easier to cross at the knees," says Cunningham. We guys, however, cross our legs in a figure-four position -- because our hips are much closer together and, again, because we've got to give our little pal some breathing room.
C. Girls prefer guys to maintain eye contact with them during conversation.
What you can do about it: Celebrate the difference, and enjoy the view when they get up and walk around.
Why they like to dance, but don’t play air guitar
Girls have better fine motor coordination than guys, which allows them to move gracefully under strobe lights. Strobe lights, in turn, send secret messages telling girls to dance in groups as a means to foil clumsy male interlopers. And they wonder why, on the whole, we'd rather shoot pool with big hairy fat guys.
"Dancing also is a feminine mode of expression, calling for feminine gestures and behavior as you sway to the music," says Cunningham. Men are more comfortable performing gross motor skills -- abrupt forceful movements like hitting linemen, pumping iron and throwing things at the TV.
As for girl's indifference to air guitar: "They don't experience the postpubescent surge in testosterone, so they don't go much for virility displays," says Cunningham. And that's really all air guitar is, a boastful declaration of high status, "not unlike the male peacock showing his feathers."
What you can do about it: Learn to dance. Women dance with each other because guys are clumsy oafs. Learn a few steps, and you could be the one guy in the middle of all those girls. Oh, and save the air guitar until you get to know a girl better -- then she'll think it's cute rather than dorky.
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