Making a Stink
Dove Releases Definitive Armpit Study
By Nathan T. Ellis
Fashion Wire Daily NY June 20, 2001 - Making a stink about its Arm Up For Summer deodorant campaign, Dove has gone sniffing 'round British ladies' armpits.
The personal hygiene conglomerate surveyed 1,000 women aged 18 to 65 and hired psychologist Malcolm Hatfield to analyze the findings, which were released today.
And the results? Turns out the subjects (a third of which suffer from something called "underarm anxiety") can be divided into five personality profiles based on - you guessed it - pits.
Type 1, "Perfectly Plucked," are control freaks with pits balder than Sinead O'Connor. Gwyneth Paltrow is cited as an example of this type, whose perfectly polished exterior can belie insecurity and inflexibility.
The second category is "Designer Stubble," a paean to uncompromising, headstrong personalities like Madonna who can convert stubbly flash-in-the-pan filmmakers ten years her junior into love slaves. This segment "permanently sports two millimeters of growth" and "presents herself in a way that both signifies a rejection of conventional attitudes yet indicates a positive, aesthetic choice."
Other types included the "Seasonal Opportunist," who only ponders her pits when she has to, the shag-sporting "Au Naturel," and the "Fashion Victim," who tries to be a pitsetter by trying new styles like the Brazilian. The latter category quite correctly cites Geri Halliwell as its model.
Dove says the oft-odiferous abyss is of importance for those with a nose for fashion (as is the gym, apparently), as summer fashions focus on backless, cutaway tops. "Armpits are an important element of personal presentation - they have high emotional value particularly when you consider they are an erogenous zone," said Dr. Hatfield. "People are not 'armpit neutral' and the impact of armpits can be either attraction or repulsion in that they multiply the effect of other aspects of your appearance for better or worse." As smell-shocked vets of cramped subway cars and musty elevators, we'll drink to that.
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