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 Intelligence and the child
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| Development of self concept |
The problem with exceptional children is that they surprise us. In fact, they may not only surprise us, but surprise us to such a degree that we are discomforted and sometimes alarmed and dismayed. They must be allowed to develop a sense of belonging and of being 'as others', as well as enjoying the feeling of being unique, and special.
As far as children's development is concerned, certain stages of growth, certain skills are expected to emerge and develop within given age ranges. Thus we expect that babies will begin to babble and practice sound patterns during the first year, that words will become intelligible from 9 months onwards, and that words will be put together in simple sentences between 18 months and 2 1/2 years. We also expect babies to begin to sit up before their first birthday, to crawl any time between 9 and 15 months, and to walk by the time they 18 months. Similar progress is expected in the child's ability to use his hands in manipulating objects and in his understanding of the relationships between them. These are called the 'milestones' of early development and are watched for with interest by all concerned.
A word on 'milestones' : don't take too much notice of books which claim that at a certain age your child should be able to do certain things. This ignores the fact that all children are different and unique. Talented children often proceed at a pace which defies all stages of behavior expected of 'normal' children. Don't worry: everyone develops in their own way. No single method can be described as the best way to raise a gifted pre-schooler. Parents should try to enjoy their child's development and do their best to reinforce the child's efforts. Show enthusiasm to build up the child's positive self-image. Childhood is precious.
An infant who learns to put reasonable and intelligible sentences together before the age of 12 months is unusual. The problem lies, not in the precocity itself, but in the effect it has on the surprised audience, and the messages that will thereafter be conveyed to the child from all whom he meets. The messages are likely to convey a feeling that he is different, unusual, remarkable and, in some cases, not entirely welcome.
The child will certainly feel bewildered. He has no ability to reflect on his behavior, and will register only the feelings that his presence and unselfconscious actions provoke in others. Even worse, these feelings may be highly ambivalent, a mixture of pleasure and pride in the early achievements, and apprehension or even rejection because of the surprise they cause. Mixed messages, ambivalent feelings, unpredictable responses, cause greater distress to small children, even from the earliest age, than any straightforward expressions of anger.
If people are aware of the power of the messages being conveyed to children at this stage then much greater care can be given to the way unusual development is met. Parents of such children must do what they can to forestall the surprise reactions of others. Instead of showing off their choicest possession at every available opportunity to all (who would have to in turn act genuinely overwhelmed by a new interpretation of the latest Leon Lai hit), they can forewarn relatives and friends. They can see that nothing is said to the child that will suggest to him that he is abnormal.
The greatest safeguard is in fact deliberately to widen one's understanding of what can constitute 'normal' development, by meeting with other parents of exceptional children and thereby fully appreciating the enormous range of development there can be. Hong Kong Mensa and the Hong Kong Association for Parents of Gifted Children are some of the local groups available. Above all, one must remember that the basic human need is to be loved and to be accepted.
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