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Quotations
Funny Quotes1friendshipquotes1friendshipquotes2angelquotes1lovequotes1lovequotes2readingwrritingquotes1Funny Quotes2|
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| "I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it" "God must have loved calories. He made so many of them" "If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if -Jack Handy-you're serious about adopting the vulture" "Some women are born leaders-you're following me" "Answer my prayers-steal my car" "Work is for people who don't know who to play golf" "One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day." "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ....Cops have nothing to go on." "You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes.You will learn a lot today." "Lord, If I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat." "Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career." "JESUS LOVES YOU - It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass." "Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible." "We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?" "Pity the poor egg, it only gets laid once." "It takes a few nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it." "If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk." "People who say money can't buy you happiness just don't know where to shop." "Sex on the television can't hurt you unless you fall off." "Follow your dreams...except for that one where you show up at school naked." "If one synchronized swimmer drowns...do the rest have to drown too?" "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. -Woody Allen- "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig" Love's a Temptation Caused By Sensation a Guy Sticks His Destination in ur Location 2 increase Da Populatitn Of Da Next Generation Do U Understand My Explaination or Do u Need A Demonstration? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those who piss me off" "If life is a bowl of cherries, this is the pits" "There is no such thing as gravity. The earth just sucks" "Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, 'What if I was an ant, and she fell on me? Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny" "Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'YOU.' After that I usually feel a lot better...and no harm done" "I'm too perfect to be conceited" Emily Helfin |
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