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| Friends send me jokes ... |
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| Here's some of the better ones ... |
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| The Penguin and the Plums | The Bridge and the Bottle |
| A penguin was passing the drug store when he decided he wanted to go in. He walks in the door (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) he waddles up to the counter. 'Can I help you mister penguin?' 'Yes, do you have any plums?' 'No, penguin, this is a drug store.' 'Thank you.' The penguin leaves (waddle waddle waddle). A while latter the penguin passes by again and once again goes inside.(ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) He waddles to the counter. 'Excuse me, do you have any plums?' 'NO, penguin! this is a drug store!' 'Very well then, thank you.' 'If you come back in here again penguin, I will nail your cute little feet to the floor.' 'Oh, well, thank you' The pengin waddles out the door. A while latter the penguin goes back into the store.(ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) 'Excuse me sir.' 'WHAT!!!!!!????????' 'Do you have any nails?' 'NO! penguin, this is a drug store!!!' 'Oh, well then, do you have any plums?' |
A man was walking on a CA beach & found an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it & out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month & I'm getting sick of these wishes so you can forget about 3. You only get one wish!" The man thought about it & said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and get seasick, so could you build me a bridge so I can drive to Hawaii?" The genie laughed & said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another wish, this one is too hard." The man thought & finally said, "I've been divorced 4 times & my wives all said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I WISH I could understand women, know how they feel inside & what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing', know how to make them truly happy. That is my wish." The genie thought for a moment and replied, "Okay ... so do you want that bridge 2 lanes or 4?" |
| ANYTHING but Cheerio's! | Ice Fishing |
| A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say 'dang' and you say 'hiney'." The 4-year-old happily agrees. As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, "Aw dang, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios. The surprised mother reacts quickly. "WHACK!" The boy runs upstairs, bawling and ubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?" "I don't know," the 4-year-old blubbers, "but you can bet your HINEY it's not gonna be Cheerios!" |
One day, a group of blondes and a group of brunettes went ice fishing on either sides of the lake. They all got settled and started fishing. The brunettes were pulling out the fish like crazy, while the blondes didn't even get a bite! The blondes spent 2 hours trying to figure out what to do. Then they got it. They sent a 'spy' over to the other side to see what the brunettes were doing differently. So she went over there and started thinking and watching. She sat there for an hour. Then, she yelled 'I GOT IT!!' and ran back. When she got back, all the other blondes asked what the brunettes were doing differently. She said - 'They cut a hole in the ice!!' |
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