These are rude nursery rhymes, songs and remakes of songs the way they should have been done...
Masturbation Song
You don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam
You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty
Dollars, Ma'am."
Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff
'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land
Masturbators Of America, Give Yourselves A Hand!
It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done
You don't need a special license
You don't need a special skill
Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America, Give Yourselves a Hand!
(Musical bridge, with lots of suggestive dance moves on the
ROCKER'S part. For instance, he does that one bit where you
jump backwards on one leg while playing air guitar, except that
instead of playing air guitar he's stroking air wanker.)
You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead
You can rub it with some lotion
You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Shwartzenegger pounds it, Michael Jackson jacks it off
Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America, Give Yourself a Hand
Abraham Lincoln Rhyme
Abraham Lincoln was a good old man. He hopped out the window with his dick in hand. he said, "Excuse me ladies, just doing my duty so why not pull down your pants and give me some booty."
Mary Mary Rhyme
Mary Mary quite contrary shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
Row Your Boat Song
Roll, roll, roll your joint twist it at the end, take a puff, that's enough and pass it to a friend.
Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill Rhyme
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high, unzipped his fly, and Jill said "I don't wanna"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
I'm A Little Penis Rhyme
I'm a little penis,
Long and hard,
If you want to see it,
Come in my yard,
When I get all horny,
Then I spurt,
Push me in,
And pull me out!
Jack Rhyme
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his little Dick!
Mother Hubbard Rhyme
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Rover took over
And the bitch got a bone of her own!
Peter Peter Rhyme
Peter peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the head
fucked her ass and went to bed
Mary Had A Little Lamb Rhyme
Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in her back yard
when she took her panties off
his wooly dick got hard
Hickory Dickory Dock
Hickory Dickory Dock
The bitch was suckin my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
And dropped the bitch off at the next block!
Little Boy Blue
Little boy blue,
he needed the money.
Little Bow Peep
Little bow peep fucked a sheep
blew a horse, licked his feet,
she ate his ass so very nice
tongued his balls not once but twice. |