This Is A Pokémon Dream I Had Around Holloween, And Now I Am Going To Share My Pokémon Dream Experience With You!
It was a dark and stormy night in Poké Land. And in a cottage in the forest, there was a Pokémon named "Something", and it was a very bad Pokémon. The townfolk say this is because it had such a generic name. "Something" was a very wicked Pokémon and never listened to what others said.
One day, "Something" did something that nobody with something resembling a brain in their head would do unless they were on something. Something decided to go up to the Haunted Mansion on Marowak Hill!
What terrible deeds unfortunate "Something" was to do in Haunted Mansion, we may never know, because that's kind of where that part of the story ends. "Something" never came back...
But then one day, Lorenzo (That's me!) was walking home from PokéWork after a hard day in the PokéSlaveMines. I just wanted to go home and sit on my Pokéchair next to my computer. On my way, I passed the Haunted Mansion. Suddenly, I heard a noise. It sounded like this... Can you hear it? I'm making the sound right now. Listen.
Now, I know better than to go into Haunted Mansion. Heck, I invented the dang thing. But I heard that noise that I heard, and I decided that, being a good Poké Scout that I was, I had better investigate, in case a small child or small Pokémon was in danger. So I went up and entered the Haunted Mansion on Marowak Hill (not to be confused with the Haunted Tower).
Inside, I found several rooms. No big surprise there. It's a mansion. If there were no rooms, it's just be a big box. Then I walked into the study. I studied. Then I walked into the dining room. I dined. Then I walked into the kitchen. I kitched. What a faboo house!
But then I walked into the parlor. And there, on the other side of the parlor, was a coffin! I jumped. Yipes, I exclaimed.
And suddenly, the coffin moved!
It lurched forwards with a start. The coffin jumped a step, and in the new light, I finally saw the coffin fully. And there, on the pallbearer handles, was a hook!
But that part doesn't matter, because what matters is that the coffin moved again!
I was terrified, and knew I had to do something before it got me. In my backpack (which I always carry, since i'm a good Poké Pideot Scout and always lives by the motto, 'Be Prepared'), I found my handy, dandy Poké Scout pocket knife. Plunging the blade out, I threw it at the coffin with all of my might.
The blade pierced the coffin with a shattering of splinters, sinking deep into the coffin itself.
And yet, the coffin kept moving.
I was starting to worry now. What if I couldn't stop it? In my backpack, I found my handy, dandy small Poké Scout camp shovel. That's sharp, I thought. I hurled it at the coffin.
The shovel struck the coffin in the exact same hole, pierced the wood, and sunk deep into the coffin.
Now what! I scrambled in my bag. There, I found his handy, dandy Poké Scout folding hatchet, and threw it at the moving casket. It stuck the hole and fell deep into the darkness.
This was getting bad. In the side pocket of my backpack, I found my handy, dandy Poké Scout wrist-rocket slingshot, and slung my load of marbles at the coffin. One by one, they sunk into the coffin's hole. Not a one missed the opening. And yet the coffin kept crawling forwards.
Playtime was over. Down near the bottom of my backpack, I found what I was looking for -- my handy, dandy Poké Scout hunting handgun. Locked and loaded, I fired at the coffin. Every shot hit a bulls-eye -- dead into the hole of the coffin. And yet it moved again. Panic struck me as I grasped for my handy, dandy Poké Scout AK-47 Assault Rifle. Shots rang out, lighting up the room with muzzle fire. Each shot perfectly struck the hole in the coffin as it continued forward.
I desperately grabbed my handy, dandy Poké Scout standard issue Sherman Tank. Mortars blared, but each lashed into the coffin's hole and disappeared. For the last time, I reached into my backpack, and found... Nothing.
I had nothing left to fight with. Panicked, I tossed the handy, dandy Poké Scout backpack at the coffin. The hole swallowed it up. The coffin kept moving. Everything in my pocket I hurled at the coffin. Keys, coins, my wallet, my picture of my friends and girlfriend (she lives in North Carolina, and she is not Ashlie or Paige Wiggins)... All disappeared into the sarcophagus. I even ripped out my pockets and tossed the fabric. It kept moving, now backing me into the wall and still creeping forwards. All I had left was my handy, dandy Poké Scout Poké Ball with my level 50 Pikachu inside that I caught last year. "Goodbye, Pikachu", I screamed (thinking that it will stop the moving coffin because it was a level 50 Pikachu), and tossed the ball at the coffin.
Kablam!
Nothing happened (crap I just wasted a level 50 Pikachu)!
I cried. Hey, it was a manly cry, OK. I was about to die (and I lost my best Pokémon friend)! Gasping, I choked back a tear. Actually, I choked on the tear I was choking back and coughed and threw up some. Floating in my mouth now was a Halls Mentho-Lyptus® cough drop I had accidentally swallowed that morning. Sickened by the bile, I spit it at the coffin. It struck the hole. The room was so quiet, I could hear the cough drop hit the bottom of the wooden casket.
And suddenly, the coffin stopped. Stopped dead. The room was silent. All that was moving was me, getting the heck out of that creepy house. Exhausted, I slunk down on the ground after running about twenty miles for my life. It was a horrible ordeal, but I had learned my lesson. And I never returned to the Haunted Mansion on Marowak Hill again.
The morale of this story: Halls Mentho-Lyptus® stops the coffin' (Get it?).
Ok...Ok... Maybe this wasn't a very SCARY story after all... but I hope you enjoyed this scary... or should I say funny story! |