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Things about me
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| MY SONGS... |
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| Ok, so the following songs/poems i actually wrote myself so don't laugh! i wrote them at different times and while i was in different moods so some might be placid, some might be really psycho. i have tried to write music to go with them but i just can't do it. so if anyone out there thinks they can write some really good music to accompany a song drop me line, i would love to hear from you! SIT AND WISH You want to talk but your friends won't listen You want to cry but you won't let yourself You sit and wonder about your life And wish you were somewhere else. You go to a party but you weren't invited You shout out for help but there is no rescue You sit and contemplat the future And wish you had some sought of a clue You wait for a call but the phone never rings You make an effort but was it worth it You sit and search for an answer And wish someone cared a bit You pretend to be someone you are not You pray for an event in your day You sit and question your worth And wish you could runaway You act like nothing is wrong You yearn for an end to this feeling You sit and think of an excuse And wish you could your dealing You have friends but you're still alone You want to know what people are thinking You sit and cry yourself to sleep You feel like you are sinking. THE DARKNESS I hear the darkness calling, it calls out my name if it doens't stop soon, i might just go insane it's unrelenting tendrils pull day and night as it seeks to complete the weaponless fight it can strike without warning at any time it starts out as an insignificant whine but grows and grows until it is a roar then my body shudders and my head feel sore the darkness grips you when you can't fight it holds on oh so tight you struggle and try ti scare it away but it will be back another day there is a tunnel and you see the light maybe you can win this fight when it hits you, you feel cold weak and sad and the more you struggle, the more you get mad it makes you suspicious of everyone you love and know but on the outside it does not show it never stops in the fight to let you control your own mind but if you don't keep up the fight you will find you're left behind its nature is uncontrollable but cunning and strong and when your about to break its suddenly gone it keeps you on the brink, not trying to win this infinite misery can send you into a spin but it is possible to break through it's dark shell and be released from that unforgiving hell FRIENDS When the road is rough and the path rocky friends will be there to guide you through when you're down on your luck with no end in sight friends help you get a better view When you are sitting at home, all alone friends come over and help you have fun too when you have to much for yourself friends are who you give some to when you need a hand to finish a task friends are never far away when you have something to tell friends will listen to what you say Friends get you through that never ending day friends show you the way when you go astray they never judge or betray you in your heart friends will forever stay when you want to reach but you are an inch too short friends will be that extra lift when your day hasn't been that good a friends smile is more than a gift when a contest you have just won friends will cheer on your success when you say something you shouldn't have friends will judge you no less friends will never stab you in the back with friends, memories never lack friends never leave you after a while friends never criticise you style friends never judge who you are a friends support helps you go far whatever you need friends will lend friends are always there till the end when there is a fork in the road and you don't know what to do a friends advice is worth gold when all else lasts for a short time friends are there till your both old PLEASE RETURN I carry my suitcase full of only memories ever since you've gone it's all that i have left do you ever hear my pleas for you to come back my tears are starting to burn i've known you for only a short while but still i treasure you as a genuine friend you taught me more that you'll ever know about things so trivial but valuble before you came i was so confused about my place in a demanding world you showed me how to be myself bur now you never answer my calls you've gone to away to a place so far a place my company can't compete with i need you now more that before but you don't seem to hear or won't since you've gone everything has changed i need you here to help me on my way why did you have to go when i need you now i no longer feel i can go alone i miss you like nothing ever before without you i feel weak and incomplete i lack your confidence and charm please, please return MY MIND Sometimes i hate what i have become then i get in a depressing slum i hate worrying about what others think i'm stuck in sand and i am starting to sink why is my appearance so important to me i hate not knowing my destiny i try to be nice and at times it is hard i'm not even free in my own backyard i'm too sensitive to what people say to impress them i go out of my way i wish i could change any way i like my life has become a strenuous hike i know i am lucky and i shouldn't complain but i am starting to feel like going insane i'm sick of people expecting things of me when they look at me what do they see people give me a label by the way i act do they have any idea if that label is fact i'm sick of people laughing at my expense their whispering always makes me tense i want to live where no judgements are placed where no hard decisions are often faced i'm sick of status being worth more that gold if only my thoughts i could get a hold i wish i had confidence in excess maybe than worrying would be a whole lot less i want to be myself but i'm afraid to let it show at times i feel i have slumped so low it worries and fears i could throw on the shelf then maybe i can be at peace with myself DON'T YOU WISH You're driving alony when you crash your car the nearest city seems so far you're in the middle of nowhere alll by yourself and you remember the mobile at home on the shelf you're running late for an important meeting significant people your s'posed to be greeting your job depends upon this date your whole life you've had to wait A major exam you have just taken the results have left you a little shaken you did no where near your best you're now classed behind the rest you have just cooked for your future in-laws but the meal leaves your insides feeling sore for the rest of the night they make you feel low from now on you can't wait for them to go A loved one you are giving a huge embrace then you accidentally sneeze on their face you feel really bad and they make you feel worse the invention of gossip has become a curse A friend you have had for such a long time has gone and committed the worst crime all your secrets the world now knows no guilt or remorse your friend shows You're working so hard with no money to spare it really bugs you but you try not to care your life-long dreams now only seem dead or at least that is what the bank manager said Don't you just wish you could fly away Don't you wish you could escape for a day Don't you wish you could forget what people say Don't you wish you could peacefully lay When your journies get you into strife Don't you wish for a break from life? YOU THINK You think you are so cool making other the fool your favourite hobby is to be cruel well i think you're just a tool you think you are so good on my self-esteem you have stood you'd take over the world if you could actually you are just a mindless hood you think you're as powerful as a witch your constant prescence is like an itch you'd like to believe your filthy rich putting it nicely you are a bitch torturing is how you get your kick your little antics make me sick we'd all like to give you the flick there's no other way, you're a prick APPROACHING INSANITY Just when i though i was back on track you turn around and make me crack why have you been so unkind yielding a knife from behind you want me to snap so you can view what the hell do you expect me to do i don't want to go there i don't want to be there i don't want to be seen there i just wanna get out of here you make me feel so inferior i help you look so superior your little game is making me crazy now my life has become so hazy i helped you out when you needed a friend now you annoy me to no end i want you to disappear why won't you disappear i'll make you disappear maybe then my life will be clear your making the owunds a whole lot worse you were a friend but now you are a curse you little conspiracy is making me insane things will never again be the same if you want me to break i'll give it a go i'm sick of finding people to hate i'm sick of worrying about my fate all i wanna do is escape while you emotionally rape why do people think violence is cool people are experts at being cruel time passes by so quick so may people are given the flick people judge only by what they see what do people see in me does anyone know how i feel i can't tell if your concern is real your constant prescence is a tight restrain your little antics only cause me pain you listen into every scandel you're just a foolish vandal so there you are my false friend this little show has come to an end. FRAME(S) OF MIND I came out on stage and i play my little song praying to god nothing goes wrong i worry what'll happen and my heart pounds fast and then i happen to notice your crude remarks i was already nervous before you spoke all the pressure could make you choke you sit there and talk and stare and the colour of my face begins to flare you sit and whisper and laugh and stare i really wish that i didn't care i wish u could feel a stare like steel cold and sharp and frightingly real the pressure was tremendous the task was strenuous that was then, this is now you can only manage a simple wow i'm back and now i'm not so shy your comments no longer make me fly i was taught a lesson and learned a lot now you're the one who's gonna be shot who i really am is what you now see you sit and cower on both knees i laugh at your comments and weakening stare now i wonder, why did i care? TAMING CHAOS I guess we didn't know eachother all that well but i'd like to think of us as good friends from the very first day that i walked in you took me under your experienced wing you taught me a few tricks of the trade and i thought our friendship was for an eternity made a few times i couldn't decipher your different moods but i soon realised it was your way i thought of you as a mentor who would teach me their experience and i as a student of your apparently your protege you taught me everything that you knew seems to be a craft where i am the last i still remember the day you offered thanks it meant so much when compliments are scarce you offered support when i took some blame you were the best at taming chaos but now you are gone to a better place i knew it had to happen but so soon everyone misses you but i think myself the most because i will hardly see you again but if something good were to come from this it has made me realise loss cannot be escaped your sudden departure has made me think about how growing up is hard we continually lose and gain friends right till the very end life's only constant is death but at least you can say you had an effect on me because i will never forget what you did for me WHAT FOR? You know how somedays you feel really wierd you soughta think why the hell am i here it is not like suicide or depression or angst but just like what am i doing here i don't fell the useless and i don't feel cold but i am sitting here thinking what is my purpose we must be here for a reason whatever it is well i am sick of guessing. i want to know what are we here for are we here to dream are we here to play are we here to feel are we here to love are we just here to die some people are here to hate and cause pain they are the ones who die lonely and sad some people are here to put others down but that's not me, what is my reason then there are happy people with big hearts they don't stop caring even when they are down these people give humanity a good name i want that to be me but is it really? my mind is clear and yet i am lost i want my map before my journey there is nothing i can do to change my state so i guess i'll have to put up with being lost PARANOIA OF CONSEQUENCE I feel the rage boiling over as i listen to my mother's complaints is there anything better than this somewhere, sometime just better i hate my insecurities i hate being made to do stuff i hate my paranoia of consequence i look at other people and i see perfection emblazed across their perfect biceps i'm sick of living the life i live i'm sick of the people who live it with me does anyone know who i feel cause i don't think anyone does people think they know me they think i am happy but quiet funloving but shy but that is just a maks i wear the cover is so detailed and real that even i, the creator believe it is true am i protecting others from my rage am i protecting myself i guess i am free but i feel trapped within my own morals and society's condemnations does it ever get better i try to be a good person but i tire over obsessing "am i good" i have not yet connected with anyone i know i know a lot of people but then always go i feel like a minority because i care i want to be reinvented the way i want to be am i the only one who feels this way does it ever get better? |
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