How the stabbings start
Late night, ugh, bleh, can't think of a witty header comment. Talk to me
when the sun comes up.
That goes for you too, all you Pokémon-owner type people.
One day while Ash, Misty and Brock were wandering lost through the
unidentified,
never-ending-until-it's-convenient forest, a flyer blew into Ash's face. He
wailed and grabbed
it.
"Wizards of the Coast presents: Pokémon TCG...!" read Misty. "Tokay...?"
Togepi squeaked.
"It says that now you can battle with Pokémon cards instead of real
Pokémon!" Brock summarized.
"Well, I'm going to be that greatest Pokémon master of all time, not the
world's greatest card
player!" Ash said cockily. "Chu!" agreed Pikachu from the top of Ash's head.
Ash threw away the
flyer and everyone continued walking. That is, until ominous music and
laughter began. Team
Twerp groaned.
"To protect our decks from obliteration!"
"To win all the tournaments within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of scratched holograms!"
"To attach enough energy for a grand Slam!"
"Jessie"
"James!"
"Team Rocket expansion, get prizes at the speed of light!"
"Retreat right now, or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth, I'll Bite! (For 2 colahless enahgy!)"
"Team Rocket!"" said Ash spitefully, "You're not getting Pikachu!" Pikachu
cried its name and
jumped off Ash's head, ready to fry Team Rocket with a Thunderbolt at Ash's
command. Team
Rocket took out packs of cards and started to shuffle them. "Um, aren't we
going to battle?"
said Ash, dumbstruck. Everyone facefaulted.
"Where have you been, twerp?" Jessie said, "Nobody battles with Pokémon any
more!" "Yeah!"
added James gleefully, "Just try to beat my electric deck!"
Meowth shuffled his cards like a Vegas pro and said dryly, "I could beat dat
bucket o' dead
batteries any day o' da week an' twice on Sunday! My fightin' deck can't be
beat!" "Fine, let's
go!" James said. They started dealing prizes, until Jessie whacked them both
with a paper fan.
"Later! We have to steal the brat's cards! Besides, my Haymaker deck would
mop the floor with
both of you." James and Meowth were going to protest, but thought better of
it and resumed
their poses. "Now, hand over your promo Pikachu, twerp!" Jessie said.
Ash was still looking quizzical. "I don't have any cards." Misty reached
into her backpack and
pulled out huge stack of cards, bound with a rubber band. "Misty!" You have
cards!" Brock said.
Misty sweatdropped. "I was going to tell you eventually...!" Jessie cackled.
"Make decks, give
us your best shot!"
Team Twerp huddled. "We could probably beat Team Rocket with a colourless
and psychic deck..."
said Brock thoughtfully. "How do you know how to play Brock?" Ash said a
little skeptically.
Brock panicked and got a huge sweatdrop. "I just...know!" he stammered.
"Water's my specialty."
Misty said with an evil glint in her eye, "Raindance all the way!" "Fine
then, I'm making a
deck with everything in it!" Ash said, sifting through the cards. "And I'll
go with a
fighting/fire deck." Brock said, "Not that I know how to make one!"
Pikachu protested, "Pika kachu Pi Pikachu!"
Ash translated, "You want to battle Meowth?" Pikachu nodded. Brock said "Ok
then, fight instead
of me, I don't know how to play anyways and you can't prove otherwise!" He
rushed off down the
path towards the next town. Ash, Misty and Pikachu watched for a minute,
puzzled, then resumed
squabbling over the decks they were going to use.
Twenty minutes later, Jessie said, "Are you almost finished?" Misty beat Ash
in the coin toss
for the last Super Energy Removal, so she scooped it into her deck. "Ready!"
she said, and
sat in front of Jessie to lay out her prizes. Pikachu gave Ash a few more
pointers, then Ash
sat in front of James. Pikachu gathered its cards in its little arms and set
up in front of
Meowth. Togepi sat down in front of the pile of remaining cards and looked
at the pictures,
burbling happily to itself.
Misty looked at her hand. Six water energies and a Psyduck. "Arrrrgh, now
I'VE got a headache!"
she roared.
Ash put a Bulbasaur into play, pointed his finger dramatically and yelled,
"Bulbasaur, Vine
Whip now!" "It doesn't have Vine Whip, it has Leech Seed, and you didn't
attach any energy."
James said. "Sure it has Vine Whip, it's a Bulbasaur! And I was just at the
Pokémon Center two
days ago, it has plenty of energy!" "You didn't even read the rules!" James
squealed. "Pikachu,
Thunderbolt!" Ash yelled to Pikachu.
Pikachu dismissed Ash with a wave of its furry yellow paw. "Pika ka Pikachu
Pi Pika Pika," it
said, evolving its Meowth card to a Persian. "Poysain!" Meowth wailed, "I
hate Poysains!" "Pi
Pikachu Pika." Pikachu said, putting a pawful of damage counters on Meowth's
Hitmonchan. "Pika
Pi!" "Knocked out...!" Meowth sputtered as the rodent took another prize,
"Just you wait 'till
I draw my Rocket's Secr't Machine Trainah!" Pikachu spotted Togepi waving a
holographic Chansey
in the air, and ran to put the card back into a top loader, during which
time Meowth switched
a badly damaged card from Pikachu's prize pile for the card on top of its
deck. Pikachu came
back, drew a card, grinned, and played the Kangaskhan it had drawn onto it's
bench. "Grrr, of
all da rotten luck!" Meowth grimaced.
Back at Misty and Jessie's game, Jessie switched her Likitung out for her
Arbok. "Come on
Arbok, aim for the head!" Misty murmured. Jessie looked at her funny.
"Sorry, it's habit."
Misty said sheepishly. Arbok knocked out the Psyduck and Misty slid a card
out from her bench.
"Go, Staryu!" Then, from Misty's backpack, Psyduck popped out. "Psy yi?" It
looked around,
expecting a battle, but there was none. It wandered over to watch Pikachu
and Meowth's game.
"4 damage counters! No! Bulbasaur, return!" Ash held out a Pokéball, then
remembered. "Oh,
yeah." He tossed the card in his discard pile. "Hmm, I'm almost out of
Pokémon!" James said,
"Why haven't you used the Pidgeotto, Muk, Kingler or Tauros on your bench
yet?" "Huh?" Ash
looked at his bench. "Oh, yeah, those! Why would I use them when I have a
Charmander? I choose
you! Flamethrower now!" James shook his head.
Pikachu added another energy card to its Jolteon. "Pika Pika kachu," it
said, adding another
pawful of glass beads to Meowth's Machamp. "Pika Pi!" It grinned widely and
drew yet another
prize. Meowth was furious. "I'll show you, ya rat!" He sent out a Primeape
and flung the damage
counters aside. They hit Psyduck in the head. The duck went cross-eyed and
quacked quietly.
When Pikachu's Jolteon was fainted, it sent out an Onix. "Pikachu?" Meowth
looked fondly at the
Japanese Togepi card they had made a side bet on. "Of course I don't give
up! Meowth nevah says
die!"
Misty had finally brought out a Starmie. Jessie ground her teeth and sent
out a Hitmonlee.
"Thanks for your Pokémon, sucker!" she snickered quietly, thinking of the
kid she had traded
the fighter to for James' Bellsprout. James had whined because that meant he
couldn't use his
Victreebel. The Hitmonlee dealt a near-lethal blow to Misty's Starmie. "Hang
in there,
Starmie!" Misty cried, and tossed a bucket of water. "Oops!" she said
sheepishly. All the cards
were wet, but some damage counters had washed off Starmie. "Ha ha! Water
Pokémon always have
the advantage in the water!" Then Jessie's mallet came down on Misty's head.
James picked up a card. It was a Pikachu. "Oooohoohoohoohoohoohoo!" he
giggled wickedly.
"Thundershock, Thunderbolt, I've been fried by Pikachu's attacks so many
times I know them off
by heart!" The he looked a bit closer at the card. "Spark?! That's
terrible!" But he laid down
the card anyways and attached an energy. Ash pointed to his Squirtle and
yelled, "Squirtle,
Water G-", saw James' exasperated look, and said "Um....Skull Bash?" James
facefaulted.
Pikachu picked up its final prize. "Pi ka chu!" it chirped happily. It
grabbed the Togepi card
and ran off to give it to Misty. Meowth sniffled. "G-G'bye Togepi. I
hope...you'll be very
happy wit ya new trainah!" Meowth sulked, then realized that Psyduck still
there. In fact the
duck was sitting right in front of him. The two Pokémon exchanged a blank
look for several
minutes, then Meowth held up a card and said, "I'll give ya a Wigglytuff if
ya go away."
Psyduck grabbed the card, looked at it, then waddled away, blushing.
After a few more minutes of game play, James won out over Ash, who was still
wondering why his
Pikachu couldn't faint James' Electabuzz in one hit, and Jessie beat Misty,
even though all of
the cards were thoroughly drenched from Misty's "water advantage". Jessie
and James grabbed
their decks, posed and laughed.
"We won kiddies!" Jessie said. "Hand over your promo Pikachu!" said James.
"Togepi..."
whimpered Meowth.
Just then, Brock came running back up the path with several shopping bags.
He collapsed between
Team Rocket and Team Twerp. "Boosters...$5.95...Base Set 2...mall...lots of
kids!" he wheezed.
Jessie, James and Meowth looked at each other. "Six dollar boosters?" they
said, blinking. Then
each whipped out their money and counted. "I can get two packs!" Jessie
cried. "I've got enough
for 4!" James squealed happily. "Tree for me!" Meowth piped in. They turned
and ran off. "Team
Rocket's dashing off again!"
Ash sat there, confused. "How could a Pikachu lose?" he murmured, then
clenched a fist. "This
field must be rigged!" Misty looked at the Togepi card Pikachu had given
her. "Aw, it's so
cute! Pikachu, you're a Pika-pal!" Brock was excitedly tearing open booster
packs when Ash
said, "Hey Brock, what are those?" Brock panicked and shoved the cards back
into the bag. "Uh,
they're, um, the..latest new breeder gear, which definately isn't cards!"
Ash, ever slow on the
uptake, blinked and said, "Oh. OK."
Then Jigglypuff walked into the clearing. "Jiggly!" it squeaked.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
screamed Ash, Misty and Brock. "PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" screamed Pikachu.
"Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" chirped Togepi. Jigglypuff sang its lovely song, then
stopped. Everyone
was alseep. "PUUUUUF!" it huffed, and started to doodle on their faces, but
then noticed the
Jigglypuff card Brock had pulled from a booster pack. "Jigglypuff?" it said
quizzically,
picking up the card. "Puff!" It grinned, held up the card and marker, and
ran off to terrorise
another town and try to get what it really wanted: someone who could listen
to its song AND
beat its great colourless deck. Meanwhile, Team Twerp got eaten by a herd of
rabid Kakunas. No
one cared.
Making characters get eaten by rabid Pokémon is fun fun silly willy! ^_^
Tell me to grow up at
Pyra_the_maniac@Hotmail.com , or give kudos if you like. |