Blonde Jokes - Updated only when you send us your jokes! - Cyberspace - http://maxpages.com/peoplesnews/Blonde

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you
guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was
very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out
and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest.
Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching
herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in
hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal
of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in
amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it all, this one isn't wearing any
shoes either!"

Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This
picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom
and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on
the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.
One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"

There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the blonde read a sign that said
"Disney Land Left," so the blonde turned back around and went home.

There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down.
When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the
elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him
Head and Shoulders." The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

A blonde executive was driving by a field one day when she saw a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field. She drove over to
her and said, "It's idiots like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick your butt!"

Three women are sitting in a doctors office waiting for their pregnancy test results. The Brunette says, "If I'm pregnant it will be a girl
because I was on the bottom." The red head replies,"If I'm pregnant I will have a boy because I was on top." The Blonde stops,
thinks a minute and and says, "Then I'm gonna have puppies !"

A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They
argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of
the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said:

"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a
playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note
saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the
playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bag was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag
and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door
open, but they just couldn't! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said
anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

A blonde, brunette and redhead woman decided to compete in the Breast Stroke division of the English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde finally reached the shore completely exhausted. After being revived with
blankets and a drink she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I'm pretty sure those other two girls used their arms.

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....

Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"

Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."

Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"

Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."

At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking white as ghosts.

Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."

Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a
wish. the first blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island." Then she turns into a redhead and swims off
the island. The second sees what happens and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!" She then turns into
a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off. Finally, the third blonde says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island."
She then suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.

There were these three women who escaped from prison. A blonde and two brunets. So to get away from the cops they hid in an
abandoned farm house. In the farm house there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in them. When the cops came to
the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner
replies, "Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding". The officer goes and kicks the one with the brunet in it and she yells,
"MEEEYYOWW!" the officer said "Oh, its just a stupid cat in there." So he kicks the one with the other brunet in it and she yells,
"RUUFFF RUFFF!", so the officer says, "Oh, it's just a stupid dog!" Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells,
"POTATOES!"

There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician "I want to
go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go
next week. The blonde says "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says
"Well then I'll go at night."

A beautiful blonde lady stepped onto a plane going to L.A. and sat down in first class. The flight attendant proceeded to go around
the airplane checking the ticket stubs of each passenger to make sure they were all in the right seats. When she got to the Blonde
woman she noticed that it was for Coach seating, not first class. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have
a full flight today. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm
going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. Again, she tells the woman that she
must move. Again, the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first
class." Also confused, they go get the captain. He tells the woman that she must move. The blonde starts to say, "You don't
understand, I'm blonde, beautiful..." when he interrupts and asks, "Can I whisper something in your ear?" "Sure" she replies and he
proceeds to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly she gets up and goes back to coach seating with a look of surprise on her face.
The flight attendants are startled. "How did you get her to move?" "I told her that first class wasn't going to L.A."

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Page Updated Thu Jun 10, 1999 7:28pm EDT