Crazy Petz - E-mail me & tell me what your pet does that's funny include your name & where you're from - Animals - http://maxpages.com/peacegirl24/Crazy

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the
answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every
day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here & it is
difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that
will be with you forever & who will be a reflection of my love for
you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be,
this new companion will accept you as you are & will love you as I
do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was
a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was
pleased to be with Adam & he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Because You have created this new animal to be a
reflection of Your love for me, his name will be a reflection of
Your own name, and we will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam & was a companion to him & loved him. And
Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content &
wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to
the Lord & said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts
& preens like a peacock & he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog
has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion
who will be with him forever & who will see him as he is. The
companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that
he is not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not
obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded
that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased.
And Adam was greatly improved.
And Dog was happy.

And the Cat didn't give a care one way or the other.

Cat Haiku

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
Elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
Your foot just squashed one

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp ...

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

Dog Haiku

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be

Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds -- I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paper boy -- come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man -- come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot --
Sniff this and weep

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle

I Hate my choke chain
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot -- no greater bliss -- well,
Maybe catching rats

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do

The cat is not all
Bad -- she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls

Dig under fence -- why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

My owners' mood is
Romantic -- I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.

HOW TO BATHE A CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have
the lid lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the
lid (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge,
as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash
and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there
are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The DOG

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Page Updated Tue Jun 13, 2000 12:33pm EDT