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This is a clip of an episode of rainbow children's programme that was actually broadcast
on television , its very funny (watch without the kids)
Watch it here
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Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
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WOMEN: Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart; knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.
MEN: Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and fixing shit.
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10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
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A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Maxwell House". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Maxwell House jar. It said, "good, till the last drop".
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mon now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, she read from the B & H pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed, but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then, after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it shaky words: "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages, fearing the worst and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways".
Mom fainted.
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The beer man's daily prayer |
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Our beer, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the local. Forgive us this day our daily spillage As we forgive those who spillest against us. And lead us not into the practice of poncy wine tasting, And deliver us from alcopops, For mine is the bitter, the ale and the lager, Forever and ever; BARMEN |
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad,
where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from
your mother, cause I still have mine."
Why?/How come ?
***************
Why is it that when men take off their socks they leave it wherever, rolled up?
why is it that women shaves their eyebrows,only to paint them on again..?
why is it that people walk down staircases,but as soon as they get on a moving one they stand still...?
why do women ask for "new man" but as soon as you start being "new" they call you a wimp??
why is it that women ask for "the oldfashion" man,but as soon as you start being oldfashion they call you a bloody dinosaur??
how come when you carry a baby women find you attractive..?
how come women find a 70 year old millionaire "interesting"but a 70 year old dustbin man an old fart..?
how come when you are in a rush all the traffic lights are on red..?
how come they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves fast..?
how come the plural of house is houses,but the plural of mouse is mice..?
how come men like to see women in short sexy skirts,but not their girlfriends..?
how come most superstars are called "hunks"even if they are 7 stone weaklings...?
and last but not least....how come they have those annoying sexiest man/women in the world thing in the magazines,but its only ever celebrities..?
why do people spend so much time and money finding something to wear; then spend so much money and sometimes stand for over 1hr in the freezing cold; to get into a nightclub - hoping to meet someone nice, but the music is so loud it is impossible to have a conversation; so (if you are lucky) you may end up dancing all night with a complete stranger; and you spend over {1.00 for one diet coke (when a 2 litre bottle of coke cost 89p); then you arrive home about 5am the next day, totally knackered, and no good to anyone the next day; then when someone asks if you had a good night, you say yes, it was great; then arrange to do the whole thing again the next week??
What old people do for fun
http://uselessgraphics.com/oldpeople.htm
How to tell a relationship is over
http://uselessgraphics.com/relationship.htm
Evening classes for men
http://uselessgraphics.com/evening%20men.htm
Angry kid
http://www.angrykid.com/main.html
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