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| Hey...what's up? Welcome to Don's Page of Uselessness. As the name implies, this is simply a useless page, so that i can put some of my strange thoughts on paper...uh...cyber paper (would that be right?) Anyway, i am incredibly bored right now, and this site will only be updated if one or more of the following happen: 10. Boredom once again rears it ugly head. 9. I become bedridden with an illness known as "Dormitoryitis" (simply put, being non-social and sitting in a dorm room all day). 8. I become incredibly useless, and find this page to be my only friend (wait...that's bound to happen, and i don't want to update this page, so scratch that one). 7. I receive an overwhelming response to "remove this page". 6. I find photo evidence to use against someone i hate...gotta love the scanner... 5. If i hear one more person freaking out about Y2K (i'm gonna put a special page just for you people...just have patience). 4. I run over cat number 8.5 (the ".5" is because one was run over, but not killed). 3. I have information to tell everyone about something important (the name will also change, but don't count on this one ever happening). 2. My socks decide to quit acting like children and talk to me again. 1. Spaghetti rises to the fame once again and declares me supreme ruler of aisle #8 at the local Wal-Mart (it will happen again...oh yes...muhahaha!!!) |
| Update #2 (8-5-99) |
| Now, for my second update...as my friend mike and i have realized, my little brother/sister garrett has turned to pets for his sexual pleasure...he has recently published a book entitled "Why it is More Gratifying to have Sexual Relations with Animals than it is with Women". Here, i have provided you with a top ten list, as summarized by garrett himself... 10. |
| Update #3 (2-13-01) |
| As you can very well see, this site has not been updated, much less thought about in a very long time. However, very recently, I've been sending out very special "tips of the day". I shall include them below, along with the date they were initially send out on. Enjoy: 1. Friday, Jan. 19, 2001 "if the a need to take a 7:30am course arises, it would be in your best interest to simply not go to sleep the night before." 2. Monday, Jan. 22, 2001 "If ever involved in a bar fight, you should hit an unsuspecting person across the head with a chair. Sure, the chair probably won't break like in the movies, but if it does, you'll look so goddamn cool!" 3. Tuesday, Jan. 23, 2001 "When attempting to relearn algebra, remember it is not the teacher that sucks ass, it is the English guy in the corner who truly needs to be hit." 4. Wednesday, Jan. 24, 2001 "When choosing a lab group in biology, be sure not to choose the guy wearing all black with the long hair and hickey on his neck. Odds are he'll be sure to tell you the hickey was a present from his boyfriend." 5. Thursday, Jan. 25, 2001 "In choosing a seat for a lecture class, be sure not to choose one up front, due to your lack of eyesight. For nothing in this world can compare to the astonishment and pain of leaning over to pick up your pencil during class, and hearing a screw come loose from under your chair. Balancing a two foot plastic seat on a 3/4 inch metal bar for the remaining hour and five minutes will leave you in horrible pain and fear of the classes to come." 6. Friday, Jan. 26, 2001 "Is gratuity included? No? Then I'll leave him $2.50." sorry, you guys get a half-assed tip today...i slept through the majority of my english class... 7. Monday, Jan. 29, 2001 "When in a computer lab, be sure not to read any sort of entertaining news article on a comedy website. The student worker overseeing the computer lab will be sure to pass by the guy on the side of you looking at porn to ask you to leave." 8. Thursday, Feb. 1, 2001 "When running late for class, it would probably be in your best interest to just not go. Nothing in this world adds to the ever-rising annoyance of running to the bus stop, waiting for 35 minutes for a bus that is not full, riding with some hippo's ass cheeks in your face, swearing you smell his God-awful socks, and praying that it's really just his socks, getting off the bus, running to class, almost getting taken out by a tour guide, entering the classroom late, having 100 people stare at you only to hear the instructor say, "Once again, if you came to the first class, you do not have to be here today. I'm going to go over the syllabus again." Getting up and leaving is the easy part. Trying not to beat the shit out of your instructor, that's where self-discipline comes into play." 9. Friday, Feb. 2, 2001 "When a fellow classmate is made to stand in front of the class and read, if he gets nervous and produces a large gaseous discharge from his anus, it is not good to laugh. It seems as if people should lighten up, because of course the student will be embarrassed, but when everyone but yourself is disgusted, and you are the only one in tears due to uncontrollable laughter, it's time for not you to grow up (as they will tell you), but for everyone else to have some fun in their lives." 10. Monday, Feb. 5, 2001 "If you ever decide to stay up the majority of the night and complete a large English essay, just remember one simple fact: God hates people who procrastinate. The rush of finally finishing enters your body at, oh, say 4:25am, and you know that the seven hours of sleep you have had in the last four days is now going to multiply greatly. Keep remembering about God, however, for when you arrive in class, He will always make the teacher say, "Class, I have an urgency to attend to...no class." It's times like this, when you have to just laugh, and leave the room, so you don't make some sarcastic or cocky comment you might regret later. You can tear your essay up on the way home." 11. Tuesday, Feb. 6, 2001 "When offered the opportunity to escort a soon-to-be resigned student around school for the last time, jump at the chance. Who knows, you may get a free parking pass out of the deal." 12. Thursday, Feb. 8, 2001 "When attempting to drop a course via the Internet, be sure not to click on the wrong class. An onslaught of obsene words and gestures are sure to follow." p.s. This didn't happen to me, I was sitting next to some guy in the computer lab. He started cussing and asked me if i knew how to reverse dropping a course. I'm sure Casie, that you will still have an interesting comment to make regarding today's tip, so do your best vial fiend!!! 13. Friday, Feb. 9, 2001 well, it's not much of a tip but a statement you are sure to hear often in life: "You need to get your priorities straight young man (woman)! Only one thing in your life can take the lead, but it's up to you to choose what that thing may be...school, work, or sleep. I, especially this week, have chosen school first, then work, then sleep. My God, help my poor lonely pillow, for it has not seen it's owner for more than fifteen minutes every few hours." 14. Wednesday, Feb. 14, 2001 "When aproaching your car in a parking lot, be sure to keep an eye out for your surroundings. Yes, it is safe to say that if you see a policeman behind a car with the trunk open refastening his belt and adjusting his pants zipper, that he either is hiding a dead body, or pissing in the parking lot. Hell, who knows??? He could be pissing ON the dead body." (charlotte can back me up on this one) |
| Update #4 (2-14-01) |
| Occasionally, I may replace my "tip of the day" with a "quote of the day" featuring some of the best quotes heard in movies, songs, bathrooms, and yes, even shoeboxes. They are listed below along with the date they were initially sent out on. 1. Friday, Feb. 9, 2001 today's quote comes from a very intelligent being: "The choice is yours, and yours alone. Good luck." --Olmec Nickelodeon's "Legends of the Hidden Temple" 2. Monday, Feb. 12, 2001 today's quote: "Warm fuzzies beat out cold pricklies. It's what makes the world go 'round." -Marlene LeBeouf -said while substituting for Mrs. Mary Cain while I was in sixth grade. p.s. as you can see, quote of the day may very well replace the tip of the day...however, i'm not sure...let's get some feedback people... 3. Tuesday, Feb. 13, 2001 today's quote: "All religion is sacred and should be respected...unless, of course, you're a Christian." -John Grimes -LSU Geography prof. 4. Wednesday, Feb. 14, 2001 today's quote: "Don, even though it is Valentine's Day, show up for my class late again and I won't be able to show you any love." -Shannon McGuire -LSU English Prof. |
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