Revenge of the Telemarketers - Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/pacohell/Just_Joking

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is
to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call
from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as
irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went
something like this: (swallowing)Me: HelloAT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?AT&T: This is AT&T.Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that,
surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to
my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T?AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.Me: The phone company?AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks forcalling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express
yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this
lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
(Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute
but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was
time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.)
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir
that's right! 24 hours a day!Me: 7 days a week?AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one
at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual
check, can I get a cash advance?AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and
$52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be makingpayment.
AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents aminute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a
minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but...
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10
cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of
subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the
Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for...
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat
while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and
while I have a mouth full of food:Supervisor: Mr. Byron?Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a
minute program.Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
(I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.)
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me
so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was
helping you.Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end
this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at
the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing
up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have
enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little
brother...AT&T: (click)

CrAsH8978@aol.com

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Page Updated Wed Jul 7, 1999 3:59pm EDT