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Part 27

We were in Camden, New Jersey for the funeral of Amanda's mom Mary, and her
dad Jay. The guys were going to sing at the funeral; it was the least they
could do, Joey thought.
Amanda's eyes were bloodshot red before the proceeding had even started.
She stayed up the night before crying. She sat next to Joey once we got
there, and he just sat with his arm around her, making sure she'd be all
right.
The guys were singing a song by Jars of Clay called 'Worlds Apart' for the
funeral. I was singing the girl background vocals. Joey begun singing.
"I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice?
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

(To love you) - take my world apart
(To need you) - I am on my knees
(To love you) - take my world apart
(To need you) - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand-alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

(To love you) - take my world apart
(To need you) - I am on my knees
(To love you) - take my world apart
(To need you) - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty take my tears
The sin-soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty take my tears
Take my world apart. Take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart."
I looked over to Amanda when they were done singing the song. She was
trying to hold back her tears, but she let it all go.
Joey still had his mic in his hand; "Amanda, I'm so sorry about your mom and
dad. I love you."
I thought I was going to cry, when I heard Joey tell Amanda that he loved
her. He was so sweet to her. Amanda mouthed the words 'thank you' to Joey
as he came and sat back down next to her.
Before the service was over, Amanda decided that she wanted to say
something. She stood up and walked up to the caskets in front of the church
and knelt down besides them.
"I wish you guys could be here with me right now. I never got to say
goodbye to you. I love you both so much, and I miss you," she managed to
say while crying, "save me a place, and watch over me and Kerri through the
holes in Heaven. I love you," she said and put a slight smile on her face.
I begun to cry with her, and so did everyone else. What she had said was
so beautiful. At that moment, it felt as if her parents were really
watching from the floor of Heaven. I couldn't help myself, but to smile.
We all went to the burial services too. This hurt Amanda to watch. Kerri
stood besides JC and me, she leaned up against me, crying. I just put my
arms around her, and gave her a hug.
When the funeral was over, Amanda just stood by the caskets, crying. She
didn't move. Klaire, Justin, JC, Kerri, and Chris had all gotten into the
vehicle we were in. I waited to see why she was staying before I was going
to leave.
Amanda fell to her knees, "Why did you have to die?" she cried out.
"Amanda it's not their fault, and it's not yours," I said walking back over
to her.
"I know, but I needed them. It's not fair, why me?"
I hugged her. She placed her head upon my shoulder and cried. I knew the
best thing for me to do was just be there for her. It was all I could do.
* * * *
Part 28

It's been a little over a week since the funeral for Amanda's mom and dad.
She seems to be doing a lot better. She's still a little sad and depressed
at times, but only time can heal her pain.
Today for the day off we got to go to a theme park, which had gotten rented
out for the whole day for just us. We were going to Sixflags AstroWorld
theme park in Houston, Texas.
"So which rides are we going to go on?" I asked.
"Every ride," Chris said.
"Every?" Amanda said almost choking on her words.
"Yep! You'll love the rides, Amanda," Joey said.
"I am so scared of roller coasters," Amanda said.
"I'll hold you're hand," Joey said.
"No. I want to," Chris said smiling.
We all laughed.
"So which one are we going to ride first?" I asked as we walked into the
park.
"Hmm. How bout Mayan Mindbender?" JC suggested.
"Sure. I guess, why not," I said.
We walked through the park over to Mayan Mindbender. This was a roller coaster that was completely in the dark through the entire ride. I loved
roller coasters, but I was a little hesitant about going on a dark in complete darkness.
We walked up to the entrance of the ride. We didn't have to wait in any
line, since we had the park to ourselves.
Joey wanted to be in the front, so him and Amanda were in the first cart. JC and me were in the second one, Klaire and Justin in the next one, Chris and Amaya in the fourth one, and Lance and Nikole in the last one.
"Joey, I'm really scared," Amanda said.
"I'll protect you!" he said putting his one arm around her, and holding her hand with the other.
"Thanks," she said, as we could no longer see.
"JC, you've got to hold my hand too," I said with a bit of fright in my voice.
"I'll do better," he said kissing me on my forehead.
JC took my hand, "I love you," I said.
"I love you, too."
The ride started. Amanda started screaming before anything really happened, like hills and curves. I had to laugh at Amanda's freight.
"Ouch," Amanda said.
JC and me both started laughing. I guessed that Amanda and Joey tried to kiss while we were in the darkness. Of course it didn't work with the ride being really bumpy.
Amanda screamed throughout the ride. I let out a few screams too, because
it was a really scary ride since it was all in the dark and you couldn't see anything.
The ride was soon over in a little over a minute. It was a cool ride, but scary being in the dark.
"Which one, which one," Chris muttered to himself, "BATMAN!"
"Batman? There's a Batman ride here?" Klaire asked.
"Yeah, Batman the escape!" Chris exclaimed.
"Alrighty," Klaire said as we walked to another part of the park.
We went up to the entrance of the Batman ride.
"What is this?" I asked looking at the ride to see that you stood up in it.
"You stand. Isn't it cool?" Lance said.
"Sure," I said as we boarded the ride.
We rode almost all of the rides that day. It was a lot of fun. Before we were going to go, most of us decided that we wanted to climb the rock wall and also go on the Barnstormer. The Barnstormer was a 173-foot, 70-mph free fall. I had done something like this before back in Memphis, it was scary.
"Oh, no. You are not getting me on that," Amanda said, "I went on all the roller coasters, but not that."
"Come on, Amanda," I said.
"Amanda, I don't want to go on it either," Chris said, "I'm afraid of heights."
I smiled, "Okay. Amanda, you, Chris, and me will go on it together, since we all are scared to go on it. We'll hold each others hands," I said.
"Fine. If I die, you're to blame."
"You'll be fine. Trust me," I said.
Chris, Amanda, and me all got suited up to go on the Barnstormer. I started shaking. I wasn't real sure about going on this ride for a second
time.
We were all suited up and ready to go. We walked over to the platform and they hooked us up to the cables.
"Okay, the floor is going to fall from beneath you. Don't lean forward," the worker said.
Amanda grabbed the guy as we fell forward; "Oh, sorry," she said letting go.
"Oh, wow," I said taking deep breathes in, "I don't know if I want to do this anymore."
"Rachael, you've gotta do this. I'm doing it, so you have to," Amanda said.
"Alright," I said with fear in my voice.
Tears started to form in my eyes, the more scared I got. I was in the middle with Chris on my right side, and Amanda on my left side. Chris was going to pull the chord, since Amanda knew she couldn't, and I didn't think I could.
They took us up 170 feet. We all had our arms linked together. I was holding onto the other two really tight. I couldn't bear to look, so I shut my eyes.
It took us a few minutes to get up to the top. I wasn't sure how far we were, but I wanted to see the height. I opened my eyes, and we were at the top.
"Oh my gosh," I said clinging on tighter.
"3…2…1…Let 'er fly," the guy said.
Chris pulled the chord. Amanda and I let out shrills and screamed the entire way down. We started swinging, and we all let go of each other's arms. We all felt safe now that we were swinging. The ride was as fun as the first time I went on it, but also just as scary.

Part 29

Tonight the boys were in Chicago, Illinois playing at Rosemont Horizon. B96 was doing a radio interview that JC had to go do I had never sat in on a radio interview and JC had suggested that I come with him. I decided to take him up on his offer.
"Welcome, JC," the DJ Eddie said.
"Hey," JC said, "this is Rachael."
"Hi," Eddie said to me, "well, let's start."
"Alright," JC said.
"Hey, everyone, you're listening to B96. This is Eddie sitting in with JC Chasez of 'N Sync. How's it going, JC?"
"Hey, good."
"Okay, we've got a couple questions we'd like to ask you," Eddie said with a smirk on his face.
"Ask away," JC said smiling.
"First question, everyone wants to know when they can expect the next album."
"Well, it's scheduled to be released late October early November."
"Did you like working with people like Diane Warren, and Gloria Estefan?"
"Yeah, they both are really cool. Diane writes such beautiful songs, people could be like 'hey, that's what I wanted to say to my girlfriend or boyfriend', they are songs which mean a lot."
"We've heard rumors about this. Are you engaged?"
"Yes I am. Her name is Rachael Stuart. Say 'hi' Rachael."
"Hi," I managed to mutter.
"Sorry, girls, he's taken," Eddie said laughing.
JC chuckled.
"Another question we got asked to ask you was, do the other guys have girlfriends, or are any of them engaged like you?"
"Well, all the other guys do have girlfriends. Justin and his girlfriend, Klaire, are expected to be engaged soon," JC said.
I was surprised that JC thought that Justin and Klaire would soon be engaged. I had never even heard anything about this, and neither had Klaire. I had actually hoped that he was right, just to make Klaire
happier.
The radio interview was nothing like I had expected. It's weird with the questions they ask. I actually wondered if they would play the whole interview over the air, and break the hearts of the fans that were little
girls.
Eddie stopped the tape recorder, "thanks, JC," he said.
"Yep. Not a problem, Eddie," JC said standing up shaking Eddie's hand.
"Nice meeting you, Rachael. Congratualtions, you two," he said shaking my
hand.
"Thank you," I said and smiled.
JC and I left the room, and decided to go meet up with everyone else. All the other guys were just sitting in the dressing room hanging out. Klaire, Amanda, and Kerri were all with them.
We both walked into the room.
"Hey, have fun, Rach?" Klaire asked me.
"It's very interesting to know what kinds of questions they ask. Kind of intrusive," I said with a grin on my face.
Klaire and Amanda laughed. Kerri joined in, not knowing what they were laughing at.
"I could have told you that. I've been to one of those interviews before, definitely interesting," Klaire said.
"Not fair. I want to go to one," Amanda said whining, but laughing.
"Shut up," I said.
"Are we going to go eat?" Klaire asked rubbing her stomach.
"You're always hungry, aren't you?" Justin asked picking Klaire up from the couch.
"Well…not always, but most of the time," she said laughing.
Justin swooped Klaire up into his arms. Klaire screamed but then laughed. I joined in laughing, and so did everyone else.
"So when are you two going to get married?" Klaire asked.
"Sometime," I said wondering about it myself.
"Come on," JC said grabbing me by the arm.
We went into the game room. JC sat down on the couch, and so I sat next to him.
"What?" I asked taking his hand.
"We need to plan our wedding," he said.
"Okay, well let me get a piece of paper, and we can start putting down guests."
I got up and walked over to Chris's turntables, where there was a pad of paper and a pen sitting on top. I grabbed it off of it, and sat down next to JC again.
"Alright. We'll obviously, we'll have Klaire, Justin, Joey, Chris, Lance,
Amaya, Amanda, and Nikole," JC said.
"Kerri should be our flower girl," I said smiling.
"Alright. I don't know who I want for my best man. All four of them are my best friends."
"Well, Klaire will definitely be my maid of honor. And the other three girls will be my brides maids," I said writing their titles next to their names.
"Put Justin as the best man. I've known him the longest," JC said.
"Okay."
We sat for about an hour writing down the names of guests, and planning everything else. Our wedding was going to be on October 16th. Not even a month away.

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Page Updated Fri Mar 24, 2000 9:11pm EST