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| Hackstreet Times |
| The hottest new online newspaper with the latest (maybe not latest) and best info. on the Fagstreet Boys! |
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| Backstreet Fails By Becky B. Backstreet Boys released their junior album last month and unsuprisingly they did NOT beat the record of label mates 'N Sync. What a shame. Well, we met with the boys and here's what they had to say about the album sales. "We're just glad people still remember us. Our last single totally bombed and we're all getting really old and nasty so we're thankful we still have fans!" Howie exclaimed. Editor comment: BSB fans are an organized group paid by the church! "This album really proves we suck," Nick commented after realizing his nasal crooning was not accepted by the pubescent fans. "I don't know we we continue to record music, it's obvious our fans are getting sick of the same old boring music," Kevin admitted. Editor comment: Kevin is officialy to old to be in a boy band! "I'm gay!" AJ declared. Editor comment: Useless comments coming from that corner. And Brian ended it off by saying, "My wife has gray hairs and I'm not even thirty." Editor's conclusion: Who hired these boys? Backstreet's Back, Oh Damn By Aaron Carter Well, well, well. Looks like their back. Backstreet's back. But this time they've supposedly "grown". The only thing I've seen grow is Kevin's and Howie's nasty ass hair. Now that needs to be maintained. I mean Howie looks like a deformed Jennifer Lopez and Kevin, well he just looks gross. His hair is just, eww, I can't talk about it anymore. Yes I watched the making of the video. I was supporting O-Town and watching them kick Road Rules butt then these five guys come on t.v. and they look like their in a bathroom. I'm thinkin who is this? Then it occurred to me. What else is in a bathroom? Shit. And that's when I knew it was the Backstreet Boys. Their video concept was just profound. Okay, let's be in a theater (took that from 'N Sync's successful Bye, Bye, Bye video) and act like we're acting even though we're singers. I thought a video was supposed to be a visual representation of your song. So is their song about five guys being gay in a theater? And what's this need to look at the words. Are they getting so "old" they can't remember the lyrics. Oh I'm killin myself over here. I don't mean to offend any of you Backstreet lovers, wait, yeah I do. How could you possibly be a fan of theirs? Unless, unless, maybe, it might just be, you feel sorry for them. See this is what happened. When Backstreet came out everyone was like Boys, I love boys and they fell for them. Then after years Backstreet made a complete 180 from looking halfway decent to road kill and now everyone is to stubborn to admit they got old and gross. Two are married, means their taken, two are gay (I saw Nick kiss Howie), means they won't ever be yours, and one is preoccupied with shaving his chin hair into art forms, means he's taken. What could you possibly gather from them. Oh well. Don't forget to NOT buy Black and Blue (I must add the title is very poignant and well thought up, but what the hell does it stand for???) It's a double cd, I think, so save your money and buy the next 'N Sync cd. Or Britney cd. Which ever one comes first!!! Crowds Come Out For Backstreet By Disheki On Monday the 9th, also known as Columbus Day, thousands lined the streets of New York's Times Square to catch a glimpse of none other than, three girls who camped out in a Backstreet bunker. Spectators assumed they were all there for the dreaded reunion of the Backstreet Boys and TRL, but it really was for three unknown females who camped out all weekend to see BSB. Why, you ask. Mainly out of curiosity on how the girls looked and if they survived in a room filled with BSB posters. This relates back to the girl who committed suicide after being locked up in a room filled with the posters of Kevin, Nick, Howie, AJ, and Brian. That will be aired on an upcoming episode of Fear, MTV's scary spoof of The Blair Witch Project. So the New York area was invaded with numerous amounts of people hoping to catch a glimpse of these girls and make sure they made it all right. The rumors about the crowd being for the Backstreet Boys is untrue and completely misconstrued. For someone to actually believe a person would show up for that is a joke all in itself. Shape of the heart, Shape of my heart, The Shape of a Heart, whatever it is. It sounds very familiar. What does it sound like? Hold on, I almost got it! Oh yeah, Music of my Heart. Too bad 'N Sync's classic made sense! Brian marries, only to find out it's his Grandma? By Curved Slightly The rumors are true. Brian Littrel of the infamous group, Backstreet Boys, has made a terrible mistake. He married his Grandma. I know all this seems unreal and crazy, but did you guys take a glimpse at the pictures. I mean the woman looks old enough to be his Great Grandma. The most shocking part is she is only his Grandma. She confessed the truth to Brian after collapsing on their honeymoon. "I was thinkin' I wore her out with my skills, then she tells me she's really 65. This can't be happening to me," quoted the young man after we reached up with him in New York. He was in tears and obvious shock. "I fell in love with him and didn't have the heart to tell him who I was. I didn't think he would ever notice," she says to me with a tissue in her hand. She didn't think he would notice? She did have him fooled up until the end when her dentures fell out as they made out. "I knew something was up. Then I realized it when she passed out. I still can't believe this." Brian is still badly shaken up and hopes to get his life back with his new album Black and Blue, which is said to do horrible. Maybe Brian should consider finding God and becoming a priest. |
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