 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
Ringtones
Links
Funny sms
Free anonymous sms
Thousands of FREE logos
Free logos and ringtones
Buy Mobiles online
|
|
| Funny sms |
| ||||||
| · How to send these jokes to your phone? Copy the joke and paste it into the sms text box on http://www.lycos.co.uk/eingabe.html then click send... KENTUCKEY A woman is like a kentuckey fried chicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in. TWINKLE LITTLE STAR Twinkle, twinkle little rectum big cocks cum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion. ARSE ICONS (_!_) Regular arse (__!__) Fat arse (!) Tight arse (_*_) Sore arse (_o_) Well used arse (_e=mc2_) Smart arse (_x_) Kiss my arse HOT SEX There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ... NO SEX ! WOMENS NEEDS There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed! And of course a donkey to pay her bills!! SICK LEAVE A guy call into work and says: Boss I can´t come to work to day, I´m sick. Boss asks: How sick are you? The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that? BRAND SEX Sex is like nokia -connecting people like Nike -just do it Like Pepsi -ask for more Like Samsung -everyone is invated and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE! VALANTINE Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you? F**KING MAFIA Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia... One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!! THE BUSH When an apple is green it's ready to pluck When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck! The Alpahbet a-ur attractive b-ur beautiful c-ur caring d-ur delicous e-ur exciting f-ur funny g-ur gorgeous h-ur heavenly I-IM J-JUST K-KIDDING L-LOSER! · Submitted by Samantha smith Luv is a sensation Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration? Good Sex Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid, everyone likes getting laid! Equation Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply! Sex Guide Bak 2 bak, front 2 front, on d table,lick d cunt, stick it in, do ur ting, do it hard & make her sing, tense ur body feel d cum, den let it rip into her bum! Luv me tender Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch the cum drip down my chin! Life as a penis 5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives b’hind u 4)ur bestm8s a cunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint! Pregnant Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,it cant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain! Flying Fuck Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten! Beat Me Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make me cum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout! £50 note tattood on your cock 3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on ur cock: 1- U can play wiv ur money, 2- U can see ur money grow 3- Ur girl can blow as much money as she wants Chinese Buffet CHINESE SUNDAY BUFFET MENU: *chu sum twat *suc mi pork *lic mi clit *tungsum chick *goo in hand *fuc sum now *gulp sum kum *cho kon it "ENJOY UR MEAL! Bastard Rubber D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore! Nice Arse I like your style, I like your class, but most of all i like your arse! Cat & Rooster Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happy cock theres a wet pussy! Love poem Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between! Bonna There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another? Cocktail Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes u cum! Triplets or Twins I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins! How to satisfy a woman HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN; caress, excite, cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper, console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job Life is like a dick Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it! Rainbow Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum! Love & War LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you! Little Girl When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace & charm,I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!! Virginity is like a balloon Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever! Question Time Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall? A)walnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chin? A)a mouth full of cock! The Truth QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend? ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!! Pringles Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, you can't stop!! Marriage A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits! Getting Old U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF 1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long 2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss 3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo Baby Please Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth are clean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection! How manu animals can you fit in a pair of tights? HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2 calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish! Sex+drugs+rock+rave Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high! Men like toilets Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantlt full of shit! Mary's bush Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!! Horny Roses are red, voilets are corny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!! 5 bad things to say to a naked guy 5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work,right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird! Hickory, dickory, dock Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin me cock,da clock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block! Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard! Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed! Being a student Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex! Down on her Knees Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a fuckin good job! Cat and the Sausage A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy! Oral sex Oral sex can b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den u cum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again! Mary's bike Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up her cunt · Submitted by RSooty Rhyme a mans ocupation is to stick his cockulation up a wommens ventulation to increase the population of the younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down! · Submitted by Thomas Cole NewsFlash (new) *NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal ! Nutella (new) I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella. U and the Pope (new) do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :) Durex (new) Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex Old Days (new) in days of old wen knights were bold + condoms wernt invented they tied socks around their cocks + people like u were prevented. Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol (new) Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll Speed, weed and birthcontrol, lifes a bitch, then u die, so fuck the world lets get high.. Kiss Me (new) Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated! How many letters (new) How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him! My Roof? (new) last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof?? Foot and Mouth (new) mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right now cos its got foot and mouth Blondes (new) What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop Operator (new) This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you Blonde Womens legs (new) what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met! This Way Up (new) Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H I love you (new) This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with Shaven Pussys! Mary's Lambs (new) Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black and crispy. Sheep (new) Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot. Butter (new) Your teeth are so yellow, i can't believe it's not butter!!! Condom factory (new) Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Yo Mama (new) Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her. Mary Stinks (new) Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark as charcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole! Mary's Duck (new) mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck! Tampons (new) whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck up cunts! Sex is like Maths (new) sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtract clothes, divide the legs... and MULTIPLY! Suspense (new) how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!! Statistics (new) At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS Farmer Joneshas (new) farmer Joneshas got no sheep, isn't life a drag? coz they're all burning in a field he's got no sheep to shag Gary Gliter (new) *Newsflash* The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach. The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's Ba Ba White Sheep (new) ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie News Flash - Indian Earthquake (new) !!News flash!! Indian earthquake kills 50 000! USA sending food. Australia sending clothes. britain sending ... ... ... Replacements Leather Heather (new) there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together Little Miss Drugy (new) little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed. Jack and Jill (new) Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER IRA (new) what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth Dear Mammy love annie (new) There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick. Cock Sucker Detecotor (new) This is a cock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !! Pink Vagina (new) Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise? |
 Sign Guestbook |
 View Guestbook |
 punani125@hotmail.com |
|
. |
| Visitors: 01637 |