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First it was the Dead Sea Scrolls. Then some previously unknown Gospels. And now, a lost chapter of the Old Testament has been discovered by an old woman who, while unwrapping a carp she bought at the fish market in Tel Aviv, noticed that the paper was covered with strange letters. She took it to her neighborhood archeologist (in Israel every neighborhood has at least one). He immediately called all his friends and, to make a long story short, when they translated it they realized that it was a missing chapter of the Old Testament. And a very important chapter it was indeed. For without it the Great Book has been always somewhat puzzling, which caused countless sages through the ages to analyze and interpret it, but never to everyone's complete satisfaction. But now everything seems to fall in place. And so here it is. Judge for yourself if it makes the whole thing more clear or not. It took Moses quite a while to read all 627 commandments, laws and regulations. Being both dyslexic and having a speech defect didn't help the matter. On the top of it God's writing wasn't the most legible and very often Moses had to guess what was engraved on the Tablets. So, by the time he finished reading most of the people had drifted away to look for something to eat –manna wasn't as plentiful as God led them to believe. But those who stayed till the end were outraged. "Who do you think we are, angels? This is much too much! No one would ever be able to follow all these endless "thou shall" and "thou shall not." And Moses said unto them: "Don't talk to me. I am just a messenger. Talk to God." "But where is God?" "God is everywhere. Just ask and he will answer to you." And the Jews had invoked God's name and it was not in vain. The Voice replied: "What do you want from me?" "We just want you to ease up a bit on us. Can you reduce the sum total of your commandments to somewhat more manageable number? Lets say from 627 to 27? Wouldn't that be enough?" "You got to be kidding," said the Lord. "Remember, there is no such thing as a free lunch, even if it is only one and the same manna three times a day. After all I have done for you, I expect gratitude and obedience, not insolence and rebellion. Besides, I have chosen you to be my people. And my people shall be the best, because I am the best. And the greatest! Don't you ever forget it. And if it takes 627 commandments to make you the best, 627 it shall remain. Be thankful it is not more. For I am beginning to doubt if this will do the job. You are not as promising material as I thought. So, unless you start shaping up in a hurry, I may even increase them." "But we don't want to be better, we're happy just the way we are, the way you created us in the first place, thank you very much. We just want to do what everyone else does. Is this too much to ask for? And we certainly don't want to be chosen if it means not doing the very things that make life worth living." "Sorry, I can't allow you to be like everybody else. Your notion of happiness is not my notion, and your ideas of what makes life worth living are not my ideas. Besides, I've made a contract, we call it "covenant" up here, with your forefathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. And I have no intention to release you from it." "But why us, what have we done to you to deserve this?" "Because I said so. I am infinite. Everything about me is infinite. My mind is infinite. As a matter of fact, my mind is so infinite I never remember why and when I decided on something. The only thing you can be sure of that it was done sometime and somewhere in infinity. So, as you can see, I can't tell you now why and when I‘ve chosen you, even if I want to. All I know that I‘ve done it and to tell you the truth, even I can't change my mind because, you guessed it, it is infinite and infinite cannot be changed by definition. Come to think of it, you should all brush up on your math. I think it's a good idea for another commandment. Something like ‘Thou shall learn math by all your heart, for I am God your Lord, the Lord of Infinity!' And I can give it a number #628. How about that?" "O, Lord, is there ever going to be the end to it?" "What are you complaining about, you ungrateful people? After all I have done for you. Saved you from extinction, freed you from slavery. And the miracles! Whose god has ever performed such miracles and so many of them for his people? And now I am taking you to the land of milk and honey as I promised to your forefathers. You accepted all these things, didn't you? And now you want to be like everybody else. Too late. I shall make you good even if I have to break every bone in your bodies, even if I have to kill you doing that." "But we can't be good. We are just human, like everyone else. And we want what everyone wants. We want idols, we want gold, we want to sin and enjoy it." "Yes, yes, I know you are only human. But I've decided to make you god-like. And by God (which is me) I'll do it, no matter what and how long it would take. I am not in a hurry. You know, infinity is a long, long time, and I have to do something not to die from boredom. Ha, ha. Me, eternal God, dying from boredom. Isn't it funny?" "But what's the point. Everybody hates us already for trying to be too good. They say we are arrogant. No matter what we do it is always used against us. When we plead for peace they called us cowards. But if we fight they accuse us of being aggressors. When we try to be thrifty, they call us stingy. But when we spend freely we are accused of being profligate. Our kindness is called servility, out firmness – heartlessness. It really doesn't do us any good to be ‘good'." "I am getting really tired of all this whining and arguing. Can't you just keep your mouth shut and obey. You don't like it? Tough. Get it in your thick heads, there is no way out of it. And the sooner you get that the better. You will save yourselves a lot of useless aggravations. If you don't understand what I am saying, go and read what my faithful servant Job has written. At the beginning he also was protesting and arguing too much. But then he saw the light. He finally understood it all. I am God, you are men. I am everything and you are nothing. Dust. End of the story. Don't bother me again. You know what I can do to you. Three thousand here, ten thousand there. I can drown you, I can burn you, I can bury you alive. It is all the same to me. Always keep it in mind. Be good or else. Amen." |
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