POETRY BY KATY McMILLIN - Comment on Katy's work - KatyDo@aol.com - Poetry - http://maxpages.com/nichola/Katy

"Moving on"

I sometimes stop to wonder ... did you kiss her, like you're kissing me?
And if no, then poor girl?
And if yes, then what is the point?

Another thing, I ponder about,
is if you said the same, sweet words
to her, that you do to me
And if no, she missed out?
And if yes, then what did she say in return?

I often think, if she really did feel the same way
about you, that I do
if no, then what's wrong with her?
And if yes, then why aren't you
two still together?

And sometimes, while we are together,
I wonder what you two did.
And I think about how you still need her
And I ponder the idea of you and her still together
And then I realize what I have to do.

"Love me"

i don't know how to say it
This is so weird, and ironic, too
But what I have to say is,
I think I am falling in love with you.

YOU have opened up to me
like no one has before
and i am so happy that we
like each other more and more

ever since the first night,
and our very first kiss
I felt that magic, and
the feeling of total bliss

and when ever you leave,
you take a piece of me with you
so i wait for you to return,
and the special feeling too

I don't know how to say this,
and I don't know how you feel
but all I can tell you is
this feels like it is real.

every time I talk to you
and every time we touch
makes me think why didn't this happen sooner?
or why do i like you so much

but then I think of how nice
and sweet you are to me
and why you always seem
to set my emotions free

I am really glad you opened up to me,
just the other night
because now i feel so comfortable
and i know, what we have is right

And it all makes me think about
how we were made to be "us"
and why i now know,
this isn't just some crush

"Love me"

You are my sunshine in the morning,
and my moon that shines at night.
You always kiss away my tears,
and you scare away my fright.
I feel so safe around you,
and I miss you when your gone.
But then I see you again
and realize I was ok all along.

You always seem to make me laugh
just by flashing your big smile
and the things you whisper in my ear,
makes me feel like I am worth while.
You are the star up in my sky
and I love making wishes on you
Because you always seem to make
all of my dreams come true!!!

"Killing me with Kindness"

Killing me with kindness,
that is what you're trying to do
but if that is what you have planned.
I have a suprise for you

You can try to be real nice
and you can act as fake as you please
but in the end, as we both know,
I will have you on your knees.

You will be sorry for lying,
and all the rest you've done
you will be sorry you ever hurt me
but you sure thought it was fun

Maybe you will change,
but to be realistic, you're the same son of a gun
and when I am through
you will know who really won.

for killing me with kindness
wont change what you have said
and acting like you loved me,
wont help the fear of your dread

you know you have done wrong
and the only think i can do
is sit around, and wait,
for you to tear your own world, in two

You and Him

you can see it in his eyes,
the way he looks at you
it makes me realize
he did the right thing to do

You are a great couple
and a perfect pair
altough i am jealous
of the bond you both share

I am so glad you have
finally found someone who's right
for he is someone
who wont shout and fight

you say you might love him
and he says the same
it is obvious the feelings
that you both contain

but all and all you will
be a happy gal
so i just wrote to say,
your my bestes pal!!

Here is a poem which was written to me:

inside i know it
there will never be a me with you
or a you with me
well, at least not in love
or "in love"
but maybe we will be together
but not with eachother
still, we will have eachother
but i won't have you and you won't have me
that could be cool, then i would have no worries
cause you worry me
i have to worry about what you are thinking
about me, and stuff like that
i am usualy wrong and only worried
cause i am afraid to loose you
but i did not hurt you, or you me so.....
i know i will not loose you
and you will not loose me

Losing myself

My heart so heavy
My mind is blank
All of these feelings
I just can not take

I feel so lost
Lost in my soul
So many things
Out of my control

I am so empty
And IM all alone
Far away from those feelings
I thought I’d once known

I am so scared
Of what is to come
But I haven’t a clue
From where my emotions have come

Downward

I feel so alone, Don't know what to do.
I don't know how to act, or why I am so blue
My best friend is gone, "to what?" you may ask
she's moved along to a much newer task.
I'll tell you the story, and all the back ground
then you for yourself will know how it sounds.

Last year, there was this girl, lets call her Mary
She and I were friends, but things got pretty hairy.
We got into fights, and said hurtful things,
Not knowing all the trouble a fight brings.
Our other friend got trapped, right in between,
she said there wasn't a side that wouldn't mean.
So by summertime, we went our separate ways,
we never talked, or did anything for days

Then it was back to school, with a brand new start
Me and the other friend had became close in the heart
we were always together, We did everything as a pair
we didn't even think of doing anything else, with a care
We went out with these 2 boys, who were also friends
Little did I know how painful that ends...

Things didn't work out, and I was tossed away
My friend and the other broke up the same day
Then it was all right for a while, but things quickly changed
we would get into arguments, and everyone else was blamed.
She was still friends with Mary, and to my dismay
My dear friend was drifting, further, and further away

She started seeing a guy, and didn't even tell me
I was the last to know they were together, as it remains to be
They got lost in each other, and it just so happened to work out
that her boy's best friend, was Mary's guy's clout.
They were a new group, the four of them so
and I just disappeared, no one would even know

I started being quiet, and not doing anything but stay home
a lot of things changed, me, the social girl, didn't even use the phone
I was still in denial about ever being a loner
and I soon turned to the world of a stoner
It was yet another change, that was coming my way
and the yearnings got worse, day by day

I looked back on the good old times, when I had friends,
then I took one last look, and realized, this was the end.

What have I done
where did you go
what will happen?
I guess time will show

when did you leave
where have I been?
when did we change
why cant I take it in?

we used to be close,
now we are stangers,
we used to be friends,
it was our shield to dangers

we stuck it out, together
we were a pair. the two of us
now we are distant,
and you don't even make a fuss.

I don't know how you feel
I don't know what's wrong with you
I don't know the normal things
I am not someone you just talk to.

We have changed
for the better for the worse?
what will become of us?
are we lucky? or is this a curse?

I fear It is now time for me to leave
but please dear friend, do not grieve,
for i am moving on to a far and better place,
a place i can live in, and stay at my pace
you may ask the reason for my change in mood
it is because this world is too harsh, and rude
i can't be myself, and show who i really am
so i am going to another home, where i feel i can
and tell everyone i am sorry, if they feel pain
and i am also sorry for me turning in shame
i know i am running away, but that's what i want
because in this perfect place, there isn't a soul to haunt
everyone is accepted, and no one is put down
there is no reason to cry, or even a care to frown.
just a perfect little haven, where all there is, is love
and my sweet friend, the place i speak of, is heaven, up above

oh lord can you help me, I'm feeling real down
no one likes me right now, no one wants me around
they call me names, so they would feel right
but let me tell you one thing i wont put up a fight
but the sad thing is, i see where they're coming from
but i guess it aint their fault, that i act so dumb
i don't try real hard, i just wanna fit it
but all of them know i stick out like a pin
this will all backfire, and you will end up hurt
then you'll know how i feel, i feel just like dirt
but i swear this one thing, i would do this to you
cause i know how it feels to be sad and real blue
this has happened before, this is not the first time,
but this is my real life, this is not just a rhyme

i think i am falling into the ground
and that is when you'll hear me sound
help me, help me, hear my cry
i dont really want to die
but i guess it's all up to you
cause you can stop or continue
no one knows how i really feel
they keep on saying, shes not for real
but no that's not true, cause i can feel to
i feel all, but now i feel blue
you had better be careful, or you'll be faced with your ream
but then you may realize, why you were so mean
but untill that happens, i think i'll just wait
cause after all, this must be my fate
i'll just sit here, and sink into the ground
and that is when you'll hear me sound
help me, someone help me, hear me cry
cause i never really, wanted to die

I am the little girl, you pass on the street
I am the person, you're afraid your eyes will meet
I am the sound of a heart breaking
I am the feeling, of your mind acheing
I am the sunshine, and I am the cold
I am the rebel, I don't do what I'm told
I am the many voices, that tell you what to do
I am your concience, to tell you what's true
I am the song that gets stuck in your head
I am those words, that we all have to dread
I am the insecurity, and the need to belong
I am the soul, and I am the song

so confused

I am so confused, about how i feel
I dont know whats fake, verses whats real
so I always say, ill figure it out
but I lie awake, with all my doubt.
I am so confused about what to do
I dont know whats a lie, vs. whats true
and even though friends have warned
I come right back, just to be scorned
I am so confused, about why your doing this
I dont know whats horrible, vs. whats bliss.
so this may be my last time
but for the next, please be more kind

let me let go

why wont you let me let go?
Why do you always hold on just enough
enough to keep me here
enough to hold you dear
why wont you let me let go?

why cant you let me see
just what youre doing to me
and why wont you leave me be?
why wont you let me let go

let me let go,
so time will show
that ill always know
how much i like you
why wont you let me let go

let me i find someone new
so ill realize that i still need you
but if your heart is true
youll just let me let go

the game your playing
Dont you find it strange,
that i cant seem to change?
i always stay the same,
but your the one to blame.
cause you keep me just there,
enough to know you care.
but that simply isnt fair,
the game you are playing...
youre playing with my mind,
with answers i can not find.
your toying with my heart,
so ive lost from the start.
your teasing with your kiss,
something i have some to miss.
when will you stop this?
this game you are playing

why cant we be like them?
especially when theyre our friends
why dont you call every night?
and why do we always fight?
and why cant you act like you like me?
and why wont this just work out
and why cant we be like them?
especially cause theyre our friends

and why dont you ever talk to me
and why dont we ever do anything
and why do I like you so much
and why dont you like me
and why do you smell so sweet
and why do I long for your kiss?
and why cant we be like them,
especially cause theyre our friends

why dont you pay more attention?
and why dont you just call to say hi?
and why do you always act like im not there
and why dont you seem to care?
and why cant this be simple?
and why cant this be easy
and why cant you be with me?
and why cant we be like them,
especially because theyre our friends

why cant this be perfect,
and does everything feel wrong?
and why do I want you so bad,
even though, you were just here
and why does everyone seem to not care
and why do you feel the way they do?
and why cant we be like them,
especially cause theyre our friends.

and why do they work, and we dont?
because they dont do that,
and they dont act like that
and they dont feel like that
and they dont see it that way
so why cant they be like us,
so we wouldnt seem so bad?

Changes
We've been through a lot, dear friend of mine.
But I fear we are growing apart, slowing down, slipping behind.
I don't want this to happen, but if you think about it, this is true.
And so now you know why I don't talk as much as I used to.
I walk up, get my things from the locker, and give a quick wink.
But all of our friends know whats happening, they don't even have to think.
So I wanted to write to you today to ask, "whats going on?"
Because if you apease to what is happening, you need to tell me what is wrong.
Are you okay, or is it something I did? Because if it is, i want you to tell
me
and then we can try to work this out, but if our friendships meant to be,
It will happen in time, however I feel myself worried.
That this wont work out, and our friendship will be flurried.
Flurried into the times we shared.
flurried into the the words we said when we cared
ruined and shredded, and tossed away
as we both sit back, not knowing what to say.
So I ask this one thing of you my dear friend.
will our friendship last, or will it be gone in the end?

Conforming
Have you ever agreed with something, that simply isn't true?
Well, if you ever did, it may be why you're blue.
There are many reasons you do this, for good, bad, or out of fear.
But don't be intimidated, just say NO to that beer!
You shouldn't give up, or give in, but should stand up for your say.
And if people try to change you, just say, "get out of my way!"
If people are mean when they simply shouldn't be...
It hurts, and it scars deeper than anyone can see.
In life there are bullies, leaders, and slackers,
Try to find yourself, but don't ever be an attacker.
Attackers are leaders, but only because of fear.
They may get their point across, yet there are many a tear.
So consider the facts, and determine what is right.
And then stand up for yourself with all of your might.
There may not be many, who agree with you,
but at least you know what you feel is true.
I hope you are sure of yourself, and know what you're bout.
However, if you aren't don't get mad and pout.
Because you are an individual, you can make your own choice.
So don't ever back down, and hear your own voice.

I am
I am from the sound of a child being born every two minutes.
I am from the soft skin of a little babies soft cheek against mine.
I am from a witch in my Grandmas kitchen, who "pocka my eye out!" when I was
two.
I am from Crayola markers, all bright and different, yet placed in one small
cardboard box.
I am from my favorite blanket, which I have had since I was born.
I am from a picture of me and a giant turtle, which is laying face up in the
living room.
I am from the playful game red rover, which is joyfully played all over the
world.
I am from a gentle cry, of a little boy calling "wolf!"
I am from a happy tear, which is trickling down my ancestors cheek as they
enter America.
I am from the smell of bacon and eggs, which is cooked almost every day in our
home.
I am from the hard work, to bring a family together.
I am from the smell of pure sunshine, which is what my mother smells of.
I am from the loving touch of my mom, when I am sick, and feeling blue.
I am from caring shoulder of a best friend, whom I drowned all my worries
into.
I am from many secrets, in which I was told, and keep, in complete scarcity.
I am from long phone conversations, and the bonding of friends.
I am from a peaceful dinner, when friends can meet without arguments.
I am fro the ring of a telephone, who is my best friend calling when I have
had a bad day.
I am from a mesmerizing memory of my old best pal, Night Cap.
I am from the cry of justice, as a murderer is convicted.
I am from a bums cup, which I just can't resist putting money into.
I am from the sappy endings of movies seen all across the world.
I am from the oceans swaying in the moonlight.
I am from the crisp, clean air of the outdoors, in which I breath every Spring.
I am from the whispering spirits, who call to me in my dreams.
I am from the wandering music notes, which fill my head from time to time.
I am from the moment when all you have worked for finally pays off.
I am from teddy-bear hearts, all woven, sweet smelling and soft.
I am from the sound of family on Christmas morning, around the world.
I am from the average town, where people are people, and dogs are dogs.
I am from a kiss on the forehead, which someday I will be graced with.
I am from the feeling of love, and how you build to that one special moment.
I am from a Christmas card angle, playing on her harp, which I hear it being
played above.
I am from the silent pauses, where there is no need for words.
I am from the many sides of the world, yet I am unique.
I am from a postcard, I am written in one place, but I am going to another.
This is me, I AM!

#1
you all think you can judge me, but what right do you have?
just because i like to flirt, you call me names, like a slut
and talk shit behind my back
but what you think is not true,
and you owe it to yourself to keep your thoughts to yourself
because i have done the same,
and i dont see what you have to gain by inslting me
so when you feel you have to share your opinion with others,
please dont say derogitiory things,
just treat others the way you want to be treated

#2
in a world full of differences, such as black and white,
why cant we all be human, and why do we all have to fight
i thought the world had grownup enough to learn to except others for who they
are
not by how they dress, how much money they have, or thier one and only kind of
car
but to judge people by loyalty, selfworth, and kindaness
that my friends, is the only far way to find a pure human

#3
it is a very special thing, and it is called your virginity,
you can loose it, keep it, it is a black and white matter
however, if you loose it too soon,
our whole world may shatter
you may be called many bad and horrible names,
you may also be forced to play little mind games.
and it is also a different story for the oppisite genders too.
for the males, its a good thing, and all thier friends Thing, wow, you win!
but for all of us, it is considered a dirty sin
it is this double standard that baffles me so,
and it bothers us girls more than any guy can know
so think before you call us sluts, and dont forget you guys
because atleast we are honest about it, and we dont spread all the lies.

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Page Updated Thu Apr 29, 1999 6:39am EDT