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100 Uses for Kraft Singles
How to Talk
Mysterious Secret Code
The Mysterious Avocado Bomb
About Me
How To Be A Good Secret Agent
The Meaning of Life
Mysterious Linx
Lifes Important Questions
Unmysterious Person o the Week
The Mystery Dance
Things That Scare Me
My Mysterious Inspirations
How to Build Your Own HQ
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| Things That Scare Me |
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| That You Should Be Scared of Too |
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| There's lots of things to be afraid of in this scary mysterious world of ours. Of course, being a secret agent, I have to be brave. But there are still things that I am scared of that are very scary. You should be scared of them too. Be warned. 1) Neo Nazi Skinheads that want to take over the world and kill everyone who isn't white or likes people that aren't white. I've heard they like to beat people with hammers! 2) The fact that there may be another universe inside of our bellybuttons and that we too may be living in a universe inside of a bellybutton and that when our host dies our whole universe will die along with it. 3) Smurfs (thank you to Mystery Bob Jason Peter Jones for warning me) Ladies and Gentlemen. Do not turn on your television, do not go to the playground, stay away from small children! And this is why: The Smurf Communist Conspiracy We all remember our cute, Saturday morning friends known as the Smurfs. These small (about three apples high), blue creatures of the forest could bring a smile to our faces at any time. However, there have been recent reports that there was something rotten in the state of Smurf Village. These reports have brought a great charge against the entire Smurf population. They allege that the Smurfs were used as communist propaganda. For instance, they charge that the word Smu rf is an anagram; Socialist Material for the understanding of Red Fascism. Under close examination, it has been discovered that there are plenty of truths in these reports. Papa Smurf is a Communist Illustrating how the benign cartoon was in actuality Communist Propaganda!! Isn't Life Just Smurfy? The Smurfs as a Paradigm for Communist Society After visiting these sites, I am sure that you will agree with me. "What the hell is a smurf anyway?!" We must quickly take up arms and prepare for a long battle with the Russians! 4) Carnies. You know. In the words of the great Austin Powers "Small hands. Smell like cabbage." 5) Clowns. Give me one good reason why a full grown man or woman would dress up in big shoes, wear make up that has them permanently smiling or crying, and climb into a little car and drive around, all in public? I'm not laughing, I'm crying, out of FEAR!!!!! FEAR THE CLOWNS!!!!!! 6) Parades. My poor daddy was crushed by a Snoopy float in the Thanksgiving Day parade when I was five years old. Hated the things ever since. If you get me within twenty miles of one I go into epileptic fits. Disclaimer: If you, your family, or your friends are Smurfs, Carnie folk, clowns, parade participants or spectators, Russians, and especially Neo Nazi Skinheads, I apologize profusely. No offense was intended to you, all statements above are of my own or Mystery Bob Jason Peter Jones' opinions. It's all in good humor, so don't try to move us farther and farther South and then terminate us, all right? |
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