Only in America - Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/myemptyspace/Only_in

1. Only in America.... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America...... are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.

3. Only in America..... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.

4.Only in America...... do people order doublecheeseburgers, large fries,
and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...... do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

9. Only in America...... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America...... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
[Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside". [Evidently, the shoplifter special]

3. On a bar of Dial soap:"Directions: Use like regular soap."
[And that would be how...?]

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
[But it's *just* a suggestion]

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn
upside down". [Oops, too late!]

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
[As sure as night follows the day . .. ..]

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
[But wouldn't this save even more time?]

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication".
[We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness"
[One would hope]

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
[As opposed to what?]

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
[I gotta admit, I'm curious]

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".
[NEWS FLASH]

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:> "Instructions: open packet,eat
nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta]

14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly"
[I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]

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Page Updated Wed Jun 13, 2001 10:05pm EDT