* -Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
* -Drum on every available surface.
* -Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
* -Sing the Batman theme song incessantly.
* -Staple papers in the middle of the page.
* -Ask 800 operators for dates.
* -Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings
* -Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
* -Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
* -Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
* -Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
* -Set alarms for random times
* -Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beep Bip Bip Beep Bip..."
* -Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
* -Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
* -Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
* -Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
* -Honk and wave to strangers
* -Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
* -Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
* -Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
* -Wear your pants backwards.
* -Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
* -Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
* -Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reeds "Metal Machine Music."
* -Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
* -Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
* -Pay for your dinner with pennies.
* -Tie jingle bells to all of your clothes.
* -Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
* - Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" on all of someone's road maps.
* -Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
* -Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
* -Light road flares on a birthday cake.
* -Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
* -Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
* -Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
* -At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
* -When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells..." until physically restrained.
* -Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."....... (Rachel) and run up and down the halls.
* -As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
* -Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
* -Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
* -Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
* -Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
* -Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
* -Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
* -Drive half a block.
* -Name your dog "Dog."
* -Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
* -Ask people what gender they are.
* -Reply to everything someone says with "thats what YOU think."
* -Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
* -Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
* -Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
* -Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
* -Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
* -Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
* -While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
* -Lie obviously about trivial things, such as the time of day.
* -Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
* -Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
* -Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
* -Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
* -Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
* -Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
* -Wear a LOT of cologne.
* -Ask to "interface" with someone.
* - Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
* -Sing along at the opera.
* -Mow your lawn with scissors.
* -At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
* -Finish all your sentences with the words, "in accordance with the prophecy"
* -Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
* -Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
* -Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
* -Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
* -Stare and static on the TV and ask other if they can see the "hidden picture."
* -Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
* -Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
* -Never make eye contact.
* -Never break eye contact.
* -Signal that the conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
* -Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
* -Construct your own pretend "tricorder" and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
* -Give a play-by -play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cossel voice.
* -Holler random numbers wile someone is counting.
* -Make appointments for the 31st of September.
* -Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.
* -Glue change to the floor at any public place. |