Blonde Jokes - Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/myemptyspace/Blonde

*How did the blonde explain how her helicopter crashed?
She said it was gettin cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan.
*Why did the blonde quit her jop as a restroom attendant?
She couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.
*What do you call blonde twins doing a bubble gum commercial?
Double-Dumb
*How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.
*Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?
The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!
*What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in handicapped zones.
*What happend to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.
*How can you tell which tricycle belongs to a blonde?
It is the one with a kickstand.
*What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team?
A new version of lawn darts game.
*Where do you look for blondes' obituaries?
Under "Home Improvements."
*Why did the bonde take her new scarf back to the store?
It was too tight!
*Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows?
It took her 6 days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.
*Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
She still hasn't gotten all the cat hait off her tongue.
*How does a psychic refer to a blonde?
Light Reading
*Did you hear about the blonde who thought she discovered that he had a twin sister?
She didn't realize she was looking in a mirror.
*Did you hear about the blonde who never learned to waterski?
She couldnt find a lake with a slope.
*What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A rebel without a clue.
*Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
He didnt know where to buy Left Guard!
*Why couldn't the blonde bob for apples?
Her sister was using the toilet.
*A blonde is going to London on a plane; how can you steal her window seat?
Tell her all going to London are int he middle rows.
*How do you make a blnde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
*Me:Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?
Donna:I dunno. How?
Me:Tell her te same dumb joke twice in a row.
Me:Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?
*Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail hse was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
*Why dont blondes have elevator jobs?
They dont know the route.
*What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.
*Did you hear about the blond who just bought the AM radio?
It took her 2 weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
*Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the see?
She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
*Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
*How many blondes does it take to makea curcuit?
2-one to stand in the bathtub and another to pass her the blow dryer.
*Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.
*What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
*Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
*Why dont blondes make good pharmacists?
They cant get the bottle into the typewriter.
*Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills.
*Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
*How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself?
Acupuncture.
*Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished the jigsaw puzzle after 6 months?
Because on the box, it said "From 2-4 years."
*Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.
*What's the difference between a blonde and a tree?
The tree knows when its being cut down.
*Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?
So men will understand them.
*What did the blonde do with her arsehole in the morning?
Packed his lunch and sent him to work.
*How ca you tell which blonde is a waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
*Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
She had it bronzed.
*What's a blonde's favorite color?
A light shade of clear.
*What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
They both get easier to pick-up with age.
*Did you hear about the blonde prisoner who was found in his cell with a dozen bumps on his head?
He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.
*Hear about the blonde explorer?
He bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.
*How did the blonde moonwalk?
She got naked from the waist down and slid her butt along the floor.
*Did you hear the blonde who thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?
*Blonde:I was born in the US.
Friend:Oh really, what part?
Blonde:All of me, silly.
*What do a group of blondes have in common?
Nothing they can think of.
*A blonde's house is on fire when she pulls up to her residence in the country. From her cell phone, she calls the fire department in a panic. The dispatcher tells her to settle down; they need to know how to get to her house. The blonde replies," Duh, in your big red truck."
*Whats an intelligent blonde?
A Golden Retreiver.
*What did the blonde say when she looked inside the box of Cheerios?
"Look donut seeds."
*What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
The more you bang 'em the looser the get.
*There was a blonde who was sick and tired of being ridiculed for being blonde, so she decided to fix it by dying her hair brunette. Well, she was driving along a country road one day when she saw a shepard with his flock. She decided to see if she could pass as a brunette and if she indeed get any smarter. She pulled over to the side of the road and asked the shepard if she could guess how many sheep he had she could have one. The shepard thought this was an unusual request but but he agreed. The Blonde thought about it for a minute and said, "150." The shepard said she was right and that she could pick a sheep to take home. She did and as she was putting it into her the trunk of her car, the shepard stoped her and said, "If I can guess you real haircolor, can I have my dog back?"
*There were a blonde, brunette, and red head stuck on a deserted island. The red head thought that it was only 20 miles from shore and desided to try and swim. She got 10 miles, got tired and drowned. The brunette wondered if the red head made it and decided to try an swim also. She got 15 miles, got tired and drowned. The blonde wondered if the two made it and went to try and also swim to shore. The blonde got 19 miles, got tired and swam back to the island.
*A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to junp from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldnt jump, and the redhead replied, "Ill take that bet." Anyway, sure enough he jumped so the blonde gave the red head the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I cant take this, you're my frined" The blonde said "no, a bet is a bet." So the redhead said "listen, i have to admit i saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so i cant take your money." The blonde replied, "well so did i , but i never thought he'd jump again!"
*3blondes died and were up talking to St.Peter. He said, "I have one question and if you get it right I will let you into heaven." He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" She answers, "Oh, thats that one time of the year when our family gets together and we eat turkey." St. Peter just shook his head and said to the next blonde, "What is Easter?" She answered, "Oh, that is the time of year when our whole family gets together and we all open presents and the fat jolly guy comes down the chimney." St. Peter just shoock his head. He said to the 3rd blonde, "What is Easter?" She said, "Oh thats when Christ died and they put him in a tomb and rolled a rock in front of it." St. Peter smiled and urged, "Yes.....go on..." the blonde continued, "Then once a year we roll the stone away and he comes out and if he sees his shadow we have 6 more weeks of winter."

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Page Updated Wed Jun 13, 2001 10:05pm EDT