Happy Holiday Jokes - Personal - http://maxpages.com/musiccomputer/Happy_Holiday

*
!
A
Tale
of How the
Tradition of
placing Angels on
top of Christmas trees
came to pass............

It was supposed to be a happy time, but wasn't. Santa was really p***ed.
It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned
all the Christmas cookies. The Elves were bitching about not getting
paid for the overtime theyhad put in while making toys, and the
reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. They
had taken the sleighout for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it
into a tree, breaking off one of the runners. Santa was beside himself
with anger.
"I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over
the world in just a few hours from now and all my reindeer
are drunk and my Elves are on strike. I don't even have a Christmas tree!
I sent that %$@&({? Little Angel out HOURS agoto find a tree and he isn't
even back yet! What am I going to do?" Just then the Little Angel opened
the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas
Tree. He says: "So, Santa, where do you want me to stick the Christmas Tree
this year?" ...and that is the Tale of How the Angel got to be at the top
of the Tree.

Another Parody of the Old Tale

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them
to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes
crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big,
red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs
that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of
bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.
Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as
he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed
that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a
note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plat

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Page Updated Mon Apr 16, 2001 12:29pm EDT