HERE ARE SOME COOL REDNECK JOKES - "WANT SOME REDNECK JOKES" - Utilities

Top five redneck jokes on this page:
You might be a redneck if:
1. your uncle Bob died peeing on an electric fence
2. you refer to your wife and your mother in law as dual airbags
3. someone yells ho-down and your wife hits the ground
4. you see a sign that says "Say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up
5. your mother has ever come out of the bathroom saying: "Come and look at this before I
flush it!"
.
Ones I made up myself:
- you think B.O. builds character
- the most commonly used word at your workplace is "BINGO!"
.
You migh be a redneck if:
- you refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as dual airbags
- you've ever been on TV more than five times describing what the tornado sounded like
- your mother has ever come out of the bathroom saying: "Come and look at this before I flush it!"

- you've ever financed a tatoo
- you've ever made change in the offering plate
- you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honour
- you've ever cut your lawn and found a car
- your wife has ever said "Come here and move the transmission so I can have a bath!"
- your best curtains are in your truck
- you get christmas cards from Copenhagen tabacco
- people come to your door mistakenly thinking you're having a yard sale
- your bride comes to your wedding with her boyfriend
- your bride's veil is made out of chicken wire
- you go to family reunions to meet women
- you consider a six-pack and a bug zapper to be quality entertainment
- you think a seven course meal consists of a six-pack and a ham sandwich
- you think B.O. builds character
- you've ever been to drunk to fish
- someone asks to see your I.D and you show them your belt buckle
- your family tree doesn't fork
- your mother has more chest hair than your father
- your truck tires cost more than your truck
- someone yells ho-down and your wife hits the ground
- your wife answers to cuz
- you have to take a week off work to go have your teeth cleaned
- anything outside the lower 48 is "overseas"
- your husband chews the same tobacco as your mother-in-law
- you've ever hollered "You kids quit playing on that sheet metal!"
- your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer
- you've ever rolled your riding lawn mower
- you cried the day your son tapped his first keg
- you repair your styrofoam cooler with duct tape and bubble-gum
- drying your clothes depends on the weather
- the most commonly used word at your workplace is "BINGO!"
- the cockroaches left you a note saying "Clean this place up!"
- someone says that your mother wears army boots and you say "So?"
- you can eat a McDonalds cheeseburger in one bite
- you have to honk your horn when pulling into your driveway to keep from killing chickens
- your best linens have "Property of motel 6" printed on them
- you've ever worn camouflage pants to church
- you think safe sex is when the participants are married to each other
- you have eight cars and still have to bum a ride to work
- the original colour of your carpet is an unsolved mystery
- the hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house
- your local ambulance has a trailer hitch
- your idea of a big Saturday night is drinking beer and burning trash
- you know how to milk a goat
- your local funeral home has a neon sign in the window
- your dog goes oink
- for your anniversary you take your wife to dinner at the Wal-Mart snack bar
- you think the yellow pages have something to do with training a puppy
- you have season tickets for the tractor pull
- you refer to your van as the love machine
- your family talks just like professional wrestlers
- you have mason jars filled with stuff the FBI can't identify
- you sill rabbits out of your car
- your uncle Bob died peeing on an electric fence
- your new sofa was on a curb in another part of town yesterday
- your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday
- you think espresso means 8 items or less
- you've never stayed in a hotel without stealing something
- all of your relatives have "tag stolen" signs in the rear window
- your hunting dog fetches more beer than birds
- you keep a pellet gun by the front door
- you think recycling means going home from work
- your truck is insured by smith & wesson
- you sweep up the rice at the wedding and serve it at the reception
- you wet the bed and four other people immediately know it
- your daddy has ever said "You kids run down to the dump and see what they left"
- a night on the town includes city jail
- your flashlight holds more than 4 batteries
- you eat a bowl of beans in order to take a bubble bath
- there's a puddle in your driveway year round
- you've ever read the entire Sunday paper sitting in the bathroom
- you have orange road cones in your living room
- you've ever watched the game warden through your scope
- more than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general
- your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed
- you've ever used lard in bed

gama@istar

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Page Updated Mon Sep 28, 1998 9:13pm EDT