WAS THAT SICK? OR WAS THAT FUNNY? - "THIS PAGE IS NOT FOR THE WEEK AT HEART" - Utilities

(7/25/98 4:55) rick ??
a man with a glass eye leaves his eye in a glass of water near his bed when he goes to sleep , well
one night his wife felt so thirsty that by mistake she drank that water with the eye in it , well needless
to say in about two days the eye got stuck in her pussy , so she had to go to a gynacologist , so
bloated and all she goes to the doctor who readily proceeds to examine her , suddenly , he gasps
and says , holy shit !!!! what the hell is that ??? , the woman says what ??? he says , for forty years
i've been looking at pussies , this is the first time a pussy looked back....

(7/21/98 22:55) Wildcat no chance!
A man was working out at a gym. Afterwards, he went to the locker room to shower. At first, he
was the only one in there, but as he was drying off another man came in. He was a short little man
and he talked funny.
"Hello, lad. I'm a leaperachan. If you let me fuck you up the ass I will grant you three wishes."
The man looked at the leaperachan and said, "No way! Are you crazy?!?"
The man went home and started thinking about all the things he could have with three wishes.
The next day, after his workout, the man was again showering when the leaperachan came in.
"Are you sure you don't want three wishes, Lad?"
The man replied, "Well, there are some nice things I'd like to have...so, I guess I will"
As the leaperachan began fucking the man, the guy gasped, "I can't believe I'm doing this!"
The leaperachan then replied, "I can't believe you think I'm a leaperachan!"

(7/21/98 21:50) Aven Spellfyre@Hotmail.com
YEP, YOU SEE CORRECTLY, I HAVE DECIDED, (AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT),
TO GIVE YOU ALL MY E-MAIL ADDRESS. IF YOU WANT MANY MORE JOKES OF
THE CALIBER I SEND IN, MAIL ME ONE OR TWO OF YOUR OWN, AND I WILL NOT
ONLY SEND YOU SOME GREAT JOKES, BUT IF I USE YOUR JOKE IN MY
UPCOMING BOOK OF DIRTY JOKES, I WILL INCLUDE YOUR NAME IN THE
"SPECIAL THANKS TO" SECTION.

I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING, I AM WRITING A BOOK O' JOKES. SEND EM IF YOU
GOT EM IF YOU WANT TO GET YOUR RECOGNITION

(7/21/98 21:17) Aven you don;t need to know that
Here's another one for ya.

A man comes home from work, and his wife says to him, "I can't live with you anymore, i just found
out you're a pediphile." The guy says, "pediphile, wow, that's a big word for a twelve year old".

(kinda sick, huh)

(7/21/98 21:12) Aven Look 4 me on B-Net n i'll tell you
Instead of the crap on this chat board, i've decided to give you some REAL jokes.

A nun gets on a bus with no passangers and says to the driver "i'd like to have sex before i die, and
i'd like to do it with you, but i can't fuck a married man." The driver says "no problem, i'm not
married" "one other thing" says the nun, "i have to die a virgin so i have to take it in the ass." the
driver agress, so they go in the back and take care of buisness. when they are done, the driver says
"sister, i have a confession to make, i am married and i have 3 kids". the nun replies "that's OK, i
have a confession to make too, my name is bruce and i'm on my way to a costume party"

(7/21/98 14:51) Jim gentj@hotmail.com
A man applies for a job at Wal-Mart the boss asks him, him if he has what it takes to work at
Wal-mart. The boss says here let me show you how. A guy comes up with a bag of grass seeds the
boss says "Would you like a lawn-mower to cut your grass when it grows and the guy replies
'Sure!". The boss turns to the man a said here you try. The next custome was a guy who was buying
a box of tampons. So the man says "Would you like to buy a lawnmower too" the guy replies "waht
are you talking about?" The man says " Well, I figured you wouldn't be getting any pussy for a while
so why not cut the grass."

(7/21/98 13:45) LEANE LEANE@PEMAIL.NET
Nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate

and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are
lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. "And so,"
says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?" "Well," says the first Nun in line, "I did
once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in the
holy water and pass on into heaven. "The next Nun admits that "Well, yes, I did once get carried
away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit." "OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in the
holy water and pass on into heaven."Suddenly, there is some jostling in the line, and one of the nuns
is trying to cut in front."Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter. "Well, your excellency,"
says the Nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to gargle that stuff, I want to
do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it!!!"

(7/21/98 13:33) LEANE LEANE@PEMAIL.NET
THERE WAS A GROUP OF MEN WHO WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET ONE
DAY, THEY CAME ACROSS A HOOKER THAT HAD A SIGN ON HER BACK THAT
SAID $5 DOLLARS. WE'LL SAID ONE OF THE MEN, CANT BEAT THAT DEAL, SO HE
TOOK THE HOOKER TO A MOTEL ROOM. A FEW DAYS LATER HE HAD SEEN THE
SAME HOOKER...HEY, HE YELLED, "YOU GAVE ME CRABS"!!!SHE REPLIED, WELL
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FOR $5 DOLLARS, LOBSTER TAILS!!!!!!

(7/21/98 11:24) Dan Barnard danbarnard@hotmail.com
A man is sitting down casually chucking peanuts up in the air and catching them in his mouth. Some
how instead of landing his mouth one of the peanuts lands in his ear! Both the man and his wife try to
prize the peanut out, only in succeeding to push it in further! At this point the daughter returns home
with her new boyfriend who is studying at medical school. The boyfriend confident he knows how to
rectify the problem, sticks his fingers up the fathers nose and tells him to try and blow though it... As
if by magic the peanut flies straight out of his ear. Obviously impressed by her daughters boyfriend,
the mother asks him whether he would become a GP or a surgeon. But before he could reply the
father butted in to say. "By the smell on his fingers he's going to be our son-in-law!"

(7/19/98 11:51) corkscrew crkscw@hotmail.com
A Britisher and an Indian were once peeing together after a movie - The Britisher in keeping with all
traditions washed his hands after the job, while the Indian just zipped up and wanted to leave the
toilet.
The britisher had to comment " In England we are thought hygene, thats to wash your hands
after peeing"
The Indian replied - thats funny - In India we are thought not to piss in our hands.

gama@istar

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Page Updated Mon Sep 28, 1998 9:13pm EDT