"GETTING BETTER" - Utilities - http://maxpages.com/mike/CHAPTER_4_THREW

CHAPTER FOUR
THE LAWYER

Trying to make it to work on time, I was pulled over by the cops.
"Do you have any idea how fast you were going? Let me tell you. You where going 31 miles per hour in a 30 mile
per hour zone! It's people like you that really get me mad.
You know that?" the officer replied.
"Sorry, sir, it will never happen again sir" Joseph replied "Get out of the car please. License and registration please." the officer replied.
"I do not have it on me sir....," I hardly said before the officer stared to hit me.
"SHUT UP YOU SCUM SUCKING FILTH BALL OR I'LL KICK YOUR SORRY *&^!" the officer yelled a loud spitting all over the place, striking me on the back of the head. "I'm taking you to jail and maybe you'll learn to follow the law, you stupid snotty little excuse for a man."
IN THE COURT ROOM

"Your honor my client pleads temporary insanity on the one speeding ticket," my lawyer said trying to win a hopeless case.
"Well, your client seems to be suffering from a severe case of depression. I believe that it would be a good idea if he was placed in a jail for the criminally insane.
"NOOOOOOOOO, " I cried, "where is your compassion!"
"Your honor my client was brutally beaten by that officer!" my lawyer screamed at the judge.
"Well your client was about to strike my officer and tried to escape, leaving my officer there on the ground," the judge replied. "Bailiff, take this man away."
"Right away, you honor." The bailiff replied as if he was the judge's dog.
The bailiff dragged me out the room kicking and screaming, "you'll never get me you sons of $%#&@.
I was placed in a jail for women. After a few days I was moved to a jail for men. It was hell every time I had to shower. A big fat hairy man with tattoo all over his arms, asking me if I would pick up the soap.
Time in the slammer passed slowly. Day, after day, after day...................I decide to write a book on female midgets from Mars. The novel won six awards.
Already being a successful novelist, I decide to become a country western music singer. I changed my name to Barth Crooks and sold many hits such as Achy Brake Car Full of Milk and hundreds more.
When I finally got out of jail my child had made a new friend. Her name was Arianna, was a thirteen year old gymnasts that could not even do a back flip.
I went to see the little gymnast girl do her thing. It was great. She could not even land on her feet. I tried to annoy her by calling her name over, and over again. Then a loud noise filled the air. The judges of the composition yelled into the P.A. system and told me to shut up or they may have to phone the cops again.
That night Arianna came over to dinner. She was very mad at me but did not care.
"So what's up?" I asked her in my hip hop daddy voice. but she did not answer me. All I got was a dirty look.
The phone started to ring. It was it was her father trying to find her.
I had to take her home in my truck. She got out of the car and walked to the door she waved at me but it was too late I had already gone off in my car.
On the way home I was forced to make a small detour. It was not a large deal to me. Tragedy struck. An old lady was walking across the road after hitting her, then backing up. I got a flat tire I was so mad at that nice old lady took he to court where she was tried for destruction of property.

CHAPTER FIVE DRUGGED-UP HAPPY FACE

I won the court case, "Boy do, I love having a brother as a judge. That woman's kids have nothing left to look forward to.
After the case I started to spend all her money on beer and red meat, (the breakfast of champions). Now that I had three L of beer and a fifteen twelve pound stakes. I decided to have a party. I phoned up every one I knew. Everyone came, even some people I did not invite. The party lasted for days.
When I awoke I found myself in a field of cows that looked like Michael Jackson. They where half white and half black. Then a large object came from the sky. It landed. The door opened. A sound came from the craft. I listened to it. The sound was (NEVER MET A GIRL LIKE YOU BEFORE.) Five men in 9 tiny reindeer costumes came out of the and gave me a plane ticket.

CHAPTER SEVEN James Colvin

The plane landed. I got out of the plane as quickly as possible. I was cold and out of money. With my last dollar I phoned my friend James Colvin.
I started walking to his house. It was only a few blocks to his house. It looked like no one had lived there for years. A thick layer of covered the floor. The windows were boarded up
the glass was broken. I looked the house number I was at the wrong house. I went next door to the biggest house on the block to ask for directions. A old man opened the door, "Hello, may I help you?" the old man asked in a very deep voice.
"Yes, can you please tell me where I can find James Colvin?" I responded.
"I believe you can find him up stairs, would you like me to call him? "he replied

Then a voice came from the stairwell, "What The &%$* are you doing here boy." It was James. He swiftly ran down the stairwell then he fell.
"I moved towards him, "So how have you been, you rich $W^^& " I asked him.
"Not bad, "he replied.
To make him feel better we went out for a night on the town.

gama@istar

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