"HOPE YOU LIKE IT" - Utilities - http://maxpages.com/mike/CHAPTER_1_THREW

CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION

As the ship left the island I looked back only to see my childhood flash before my eyes like one of those cartoon shows where they show you clips from old episode to save money.
Just then the ship hit rough water and many of the crew were lost at sea. I was one of those men. I awoke on a uncharted island.
Then out of nowhere a dark shadow swiped across the island and to my amazement five men as dark as a winters night stood over me. I got up and saw their faces. They asked me where I came from. I told the I was from Scotland.
"What is your name? " I said.
Then the white one said "I'm Patrick and you are..."
"I am Joseph Freemire, "I replied
"Well Joe, welcome to Muri island, "he replied.
I awoke just in time to see the sun rise. It the was most beautiful thing I had never seen.
The sky lit up like my wife's eyes. The sky was as blue as the deepest ocean.
The next day I was very nervous for I be wed. I had never seen my new wife before but I was sure would she would be beautiful, maybe as beautiful as my other wife.
We waited till sun down. The ceremony was about to begin. The music started. The form in the doorway was a young woman about 24 years old who stepped out and slowly walked towards me.
My heart was beating as loud as thunder but I still was not nervous.
When she walked into the room, I saw her face. I was very pleased with her.
We lived a very happy life for 9 years. We loved each other. Then it went wrong. The woman I used to love turned into a hairy beast.
I guess that happens when you've been married for so long you really start to annoy each other.
Then when we got back to Canada the problems really started!

CHAPTER TWO
THE BEAST WOMAN

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE BEEN MARRIED TO YOU FOR THE LAST TEN YEAR'S " I said.
"OH SHUT UP ! YOU NEVER LOVED ME YOU
#%^@#*^" she replied. YOU NEVER SPEND ANY TIME WITH ME OR THE KIDS, YOU @$!&%^* MORON!"she yelled.
She calmed down and then when I thought that she was O.K. she yelled, "YOU $^$@#!( , YOU SPEND ALL OUR MONEY ON ALCOHOL, YOU SON OF A %&#$%."
I picked up an empty beer bottle and threw it at the wall.
That &%#$& is really starting to annoy me.
She got to her, feet and started to cry . Then like the moment I saw her I finally saw her for what she was a #$%@^$# *$&#% with all my credit cards.

"Shut up!" I cried "or I'll kick you out of the house.
back to your mother's house, you stupid woman!"
We often had fights like this. The only problem was sometimes we made up.

CHAPTER THREE
AMY E.

I went to the hospital to see my wife. She had just came out of an excruciating 24 hours of labor. To tell you the truth I was glad she went through all that pain. Now she knows what living with her is like.
I walked into the room and asked her " how's the baby ?"
"It's yours, "she replied, flatly.
I went on a picnic a few days later with my wife and Amy E. I hated her so much every time I saw her I wanted to kick her %** and I usually did.
I decided to do a little woman baiting I decided to start with Amy.
"I'm not sexist I just believe that white males between the ages of 1-100 are better then woman in general," I told her in a very serious voice.
Then like a bolt of lighting Amy jumped on top of me and stared ripping at my face with her 3 inch nails.
"Get off me you stupid $#@^%,"I yelled while
getting my face ripped off by that stupid $%#^$#. I knew that she was the most stupid and moronic $%$@#$^%6 I had ever had this displeasure of meeting. I decided that I would kill her if it was the last thing I would do.
Then I got to my feet with her still on my back. I grabbed her roots and swung her off my back. Then all of a sudden she went crashing in to a large garbage can. The crash was as loud as explosion. Her head hit the can. Sure enough she got to her feet and started yelling at me calling me a sexist pig without a moral fiber in my little body.
Then I started ringing her neck. Then my wife walked in. She saw me ringing her best friend's neck. I could see her lips about to open then I said, "O.K JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT IM AN INCOMPETENT SEXIST #$%!@#@ AND THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME."
"We'll yah maybe not in those words but yah that's sort of it. You sexist #$@^#%$." They both replied at almost the same time.
I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out a pack off cigarettes, not just any A pack of SMOOTH cigarettes, "Make the move to smooth," I heard the sweet voices in my head say.
My wife kicked the cigarette out of my hands and said
"YOU KNOW EVERY CIGARETTE TAKES FIVE YEARS OFF YOUR LIFE, AND SECOND HAND SMOKE HARMS EVERY ONE AROUND YOU."
" GOOD! MAYBE YOU'LL DIE BEFORE ME YOU STUPID $#@^&. " I told her while putting another ten cigarettes in my mouth. Smoke filled the air like a small atom bomb went off in my mouth. The cloud filled the room. The smog was so thick I could only see the shadows
of my wife and Amy. My beeper went off. It was my boss. He wanted me at work in ten minutes or he was going to can my sorry $^%#.

gama@istar

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