HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOURSELF? - "I'M A REDNECK ARE YOU?" - Utilities - http://maxpages.com/mike/ARE_YOU_A_REDNECK

YOU'RE PROBABLY A REDNECK IF ....................

1. More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
2. Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
3. You've ever used lard in bed.
4. Your home has more miles on it than your car.
5. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
6. There is a stuffed pposum anywhere in your house.
7. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
8. Fewer than half of your cars run.
9. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the
State Trooper to kiss her ass.
10. The primary color of your car is "bondo".
11. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive
tongue gestures.
12. You stand under the misteletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin
Sue-Ellen to walk by.
13. Your family tree doesn't fork.
14. Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
15. Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
17. You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
18. The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
19. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
20. Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
21. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit"
was snubbed for best picture.
22. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of
ketchup.
23. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
24. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
25. You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
26. You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
27. The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
28. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
29. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
30. Your favorite christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
31. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
32. The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are
you looking at, Shithead?"
33. You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
34. You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
35. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!"
"HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?" (If they respond with the same... they're
a redneck too!)
36. You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
37. Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on
the lube rack.
38. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
39. You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
40. You've been too drunk to fish.
41. You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
42. You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
43. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
44. You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
45. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
46. Your riches relative invites you over to his new home to
help him remove the wheels and skirt.
47. You've ever financed a tattoo.
48. Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
49. You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
50. You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
51. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
52. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
53. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
54. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
55. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
56. Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those
Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
57. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
58. You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
59. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
60. You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
61. Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
62. You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
63. You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
64. You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "for a good
time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
65. Redman sends you a Christmas card.
66. You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
67. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
68. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
69. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
70. You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia
on My Mind".
71. You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
72. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made
it in prison.
73. You have been fired from a construction job because of your
appearance.
74. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the

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Page Updated Mon Sep 28, 1998 9:13pm EDT