Things you wish you could say at work - Disclaimer - I will not be held responsible if you get FIRED.... - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/melsjokes/Things_to_say_at

Ok, thanks to my pal steph for this delightful page...
Oh and i wouldnt advise you use any of these :)

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a f*ck.
3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
6. Ahhh, I see the f'in-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
8. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
10. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the
subject.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
view.
18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
22. You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.
23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
24. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
25. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
27. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days
1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f'ing sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Do I look like a f'ing people person?
4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. You! Off my planet!!
8. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self control.
9. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
10. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
11. And your crybaby whiny assed opinion would be...?
12. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
13. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
14. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
15. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
16. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
17. Earth is full, Go home.

mel@melsjokes.com

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Page Updated Sun Nov 12, 2000 1:19am EST