Cheats - http://maxpages.com/megacoolcheat/Elephant

Q: What's grey on the inside and pink and white on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.

Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.

Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be asprins.

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: Why do elephants wear small green hats?
A: So they can sneak across snooker tables unobserved.

Q: How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
A: He paints his privates red and climbs up a cherry tree.

Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: A giraffe eating cherries.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: four, two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You cant, silly, there is only one Tarzan!

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle ?
A: Tarzans fridge is not large enough to hold them all.

Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.

Q. What do you call two elephants on a bicycle ?
A. Optimistic !

Q. What do you get if you take an elephant into the city ?
A. Free Parking.

Q. What do you get if you take an elephant into work ?
A. Exclusive use of the elevator.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: It doesn't, You get down from a duck.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: What's big, red and slimey?
A: An inside-out elephant.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandles?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandles.

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work so.

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

Q: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A: Swim for your life.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
in the distance? A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
A: 1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

Q:How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
A:1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

Q: How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won't close.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.

Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".

Q: What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
A: An elephant with diarrhea.

Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room!

Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
A: Sheep.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Sheeps don't come with a string.

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.

Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.

Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.

Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: How do you get an elephant to sit on a cherry tree?
A: Plant a seed and let the elephant stand on it.

Q: Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
A: So they can jump up in trees and rape monkeys.

Q: What sound do monkeys hate most?
A: Booooiiiiiinnnngggg...Booooiiiiiinnnngggg...Booooiiiiiinnnngggg...

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: What's the biggest drawback of the jungle?
A: An elephant's foreskin.

Q: Heard of the wallet made of elephant foreskin?
A: When you rub it, it turns into a briefcase.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)

Q: How do you know if you pass an elephant?
A: You can't get the toilet seat down.

Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.

Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.

Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagon bug?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back

Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW bug discover?
A: The sun roof.

Q: The Lion (Animal king) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the VW bug.

Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?
A: None, the elephants are in there!

Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the girrafe!

Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen

.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons tons of bananas,.....

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are skydiving.

Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamp out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamp out flaming ducks.

Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.

Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.

Q: Whay are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.

Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.

Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They can't tell time.

Q: What is that stuff between elephants toes?
A: Watchless natives.

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..)

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket.

Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might let down their trunks.

Q: How do you know when an elephant has its period?
A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is missing.

Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A: A pachydermatoligist.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
A: A two-ton pickup.

Q: What did the female elephant say during sex?
A: "Can I be on top this time?"

Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man?
A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants?
A: None of the offspring survived.

Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass?
A: VERY attractive.

Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard?
A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag!

Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).

Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".

Q: Why do elephants lay on their backs?
A: To trip low flying canaries.

Q: Why did the elephant have a yellow spot on his ass?
A: He wasn't laying on his back.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
A: A dead ant.

Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.

Q: How do you make an elephant fly?
A: Start with a 3 foot zipper.

Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: To pick up the squashed chicken.

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What is more difficult than getting 2 elephants in the back seat of your car?
A: Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car!!

Q: Whats more difficult than gettiny a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in the back seat of your car!

Q: What is the height of ambition?
A: An ant climbing an elephant's leg with the intention of rape.

Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What did one elephant say to the other elephant when he realized he'd stepped on a pygmie?
A: Look what I just stepped in

!

Q: What do elephants use for slippers?
A: Sheep!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rat?
A: A dead rat with an 18 inch asshole!

Q: What's big and green and slimy, and hangs from tall trees?
A: Elephant boogers.

Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead! (damn elephants get into everything!)

Q. What's the difference between a little moron and an elephant?
A. About 20 pounds, but the elephant's gaining!

Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.

Q: What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
A: About 40 lbs.

Q: How do you equalize the two?
A: Feed the elephant.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and an orangutan?
A: One dead ape with two-foot stretch marks.

Sign Guestbook

View Guestbook

Email Me

Superskater19@aol.com

Visitors: 00435

Page Updated Fri May 19, 2000 9:06pm EDT