Cheats - http://maxpages.com/megacoolcheat/Blond_Jokes

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:

Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

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This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"

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There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby concieved ?"

"He was on top ", she replyed.

"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.

"I was on top ", was the reply.

"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.

"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.

"Am I going to have puppies ?"....

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A lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open. "You must have made a mistake," says the shocked dentist, "The gynecologist's office is one level higher." To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out."

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One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?"

"...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump..

"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

"Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that.....?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently.

After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back;

"Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes...." replied the officer

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher

"Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..."

"WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs.....

"Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer......"

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A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard - grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.". The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway. The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth."

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This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.
So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..."
She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"

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When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.
"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it." replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one to ever ask that after a tonsillectomy."

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"Hello ?" the blonde responded answering the phone. Hearing no response, she repeated, "Hello ?"
"I'll bet you want me to come over and take you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe, and then make mad passionate love to you until dawn." the male voice whispered.
"Scheesch ! You're good." she replied. "You mean you can tell all that from two hellos ?"

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A blonde walks in to a bar and sits down to order a drink. The next thing she knows a little man dressed in green comes up to her.

Man: Today is your lucky day miss. I am a Leprechaun and I will grant you three wishes, but only if you do me a favor for each one.

Blonde: OK. For my first wish I wish for a new car.

Leprechaun: Done. Your new car is outside in the parking lot with the keys in it. Now for your favor to me I want you to jerk me off.
The blonde thinks it over...

Blonde: Well, OK.
They go into the dark, back corner of the bar and she jerks him off.

Leprechaun: OK what do you want for your next wish?

Blonde: You know I just got fired from my job. I could use some extra cash. I wish for a million dollars.

Leprechaun: Done. The money is on the trunk of your new car. Now in return I want you to give me a blow job.
The blonde thinks it over...

Blonde: Well, OK.
Again they go into the corner and she goes down on him.

Leprechaun: One more wish my dear. What is it you want most?

Blonde: Well, I'm tired of always being taken advantage of just because I am blonde. I want a boyfriend who loves me, won't leave me, is strong, smart and very good looking.

Leprechaun: Done. Your new boyfriend is sitting in the car right now. All I want is for you to fuck me.
The blonde thinks it over...and agrees. They go to the back corner and fuck. The blonde stands up and gets dressed and she starts walking to the door.

Leprechaun: Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

Blonde: I'm 28 why?

Leprechaun: You are 28 and you still believe in Leprechauns!?!

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A blonde goes into a telegram office to send a message to her mother who is visiting relatives overseas. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother!!!"
To that the man asks, "Anything??"
And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"
With that, the man says, "Follow me."
He takes her into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does.
He then says, "Get on your knees."
She does.
He then says, "Take down my zipper."
She does.
He then says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.
The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"
She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello...Mom?"

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A blonde couple goes to a doctor to see if there is any medical reason for the decreased sex drive that has keep them celibate recently. After tests, the doctor tells them that everything is perfectly normal. He tells them that people married as long as they have been typically just get bored, and need to think of some creative ways of adding some spice to their sex life. On her next visit to the mall, the wife recalls what the doctor said, goes into Victoria's Secret, and buys a pair of crotchless panties. She puts them on when she gets home and waits in the bedroom for her husband to arrive. When the husband comes into the bedroom, she points at herself and says, "You want some of this?" His reply: "No way! Look what it did to those panties!"

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Have you heard about the abortion clinic for blondes?
It has a year-long waiting list!

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?

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A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"

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The blond bimbo was at the blood bank and sold a pint of blood. As she was leaving counting her $25, a man was leaving counting his money. He had $40. She asked if he had some rare blood type that he got more than she did. He said no, that he had donated sperm. The next day the bimbo was back at the blood bank. The receptionist asked if she was there to donate blood. The blond could only shake her head, as her cheeks were bulging.

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A blonde and a brunette were talking. The brunette complained, "Everytime my boyfriend brings home flowers, I have to to spend the weekend with my legs in the air." The blonde asks, "Don't you have a vase?"

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Page Updated Fri May 19, 2000 9:19pm EDT