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MERCENARIES : PLAYGROUND OF DESTRUCTION |
Name : Mercenaries : Playground Of Destruction
Price : £19.99
Age Rating : 16+
Format : Playstation 2, Xbox
THE REVIEW :
BOOM! That's what Mercenaries is, in a word. For a number of reasons. Here's the first...
BOOM! is because Mercenaries lets you blow stuff up. Understatement. Mercenaries lets you absolutely DECIMATE the structures of ANY building in the huge game world, and you can decide how depending on your mood. Rich and lazy? Then you need a Bunker Buster! The initial blast is just like regular artillery, but then, when you least expect it, an ENORMOUS ring of flames and destruction appears over your target, and the next thing you know, it's gone. At least all it's key components have. All that's left is a pile of rubble, which you can actually climb onto. If you feel angry about something, then the RPG (Rocket Propelled Grenade) is the thing for you. With just a little squeeze of the trigger, you can launch a huge missile going at 100MPH at somebody or something that's getting on your nerves! Wonderful! Feeling sneaky? C4 for you it is! Go up to a structure, then when no one's looking, place some C4 on it. Go on, anywhere you like. No, not on that Russian guy! More on that later... Anyway, perfect : right on it's wall. Okay, now go back a few -okay, a lot- steps. Now, just press R1, and- THERE YOU GO!
Reason two: BOOM! is the thing you just want to hear as you gun down twenty North Koreans (they are the bad guys in this game) in front of some Allies, making them like you slightly more. You expect an explosion after everything in this game, metaphorically or literally. The hefty death-bringers feel great to use, with the Carbine deadly and accurate, the Shotgun making your target fly back a meter or two, the RPG -oh, the RPG...- is excellent. Light MGs, AK-47s, Anti Armour Rifles and many more are available for you to use.
Reason three is the best. Okay, you know that song that goes : Things that make you, make you go mmmmmmmmmmm! Well, this is the Mercenaries version : People that make things, make things go BOOM! Yup, the actual Mercs in this game are great. I completed it as Jennifer Mui, a Chinese-born British citizen. She's pretty and cool, making smart remarks about the faction leaders that make you laugh out loud. Which brings me on to the next point : the Factions. There are five factions in the game, the Chinese, the Allied Nations, the South Koreans, the Russian Mafia, and last but not least the North Koreans, who are always against you. The other four's mood towards you is changing almost constantly. If you shoot new holes in one of their soldiers, they'll like you less. Unsurprisingly. But if you blow up a North Korean monument, the South Koreans will like you more.
And the final BOOM! is the most important. Mercenaries is an explosive game. Now, that may be a cheesy and overused phrase, but it really is true in this case. A free-roaming, engaging, intelligent, shocking, addictive, fun and just plain fantastic example of how a small, circular disc can enrich the life. But if, no, WHEN you buy it, play as Jennifer. She's the best. Also, if you complete it once, there is the Playground of Destruction mode to keep you content, where you start off with all the weapons and money you had when you completed it (plus the $100,000,000 or $50,000,000 General Song bounty) which equals major FUN! You also have all the cards you caught before apart from the Jacks, Queens, Kings and Aces. Also, you have virtually three games in one here. Three Mercenaries to play as, each with different dialogue and abilities. Basically, lots of fun to be had!
THE VERDICT : 99%
A second exception to my Nothing-Above-98%-Rule(TM). The Second-Best-Game-Ever-Made, for real this time. Destroy All Humans is shunted into Third Place by the fun and exhilaration of being a Mercenary. Have fun in this Playground of Destruction! |
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Name : Mario Kart DS
Format : Nintendo DS (duh)
Age Rating : 3+
Price : £29.99
Players : 1-8
Special : Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection (Game is online for up to 4 players at a time)
THE REVIEW :
Right, what's the best multiplayer Gamecube game? Mario Kart Double Dash? Yep, everyone else thinks so, too. Okay, how great would Mario Kart be if it was online? Perfect? But what do you mean, that will never happen? It just did!
Yes, Mario Kart DS is online. Just think of it. Red-shelling people you don't even know the real name of, competing in tournaments with, as the advert says, Aussies, or swearing at your mates before turning into a Bullet Bill and ramming them off of the track. The dream is a reality. And if you're not allowed online, like me, then fret not. I was never allowed online before, even on my favourite online enabled games. But now I am. You can't even speak to people unless they are registered as your friends, so you can't accidentally give away your address as my parents are afraid I will. You can't even say hi. But of course when playing with friends, you can type insults to them just as you would if playing Double Dash as they sit next to you. Cool.
And if you have no friends to play online with, don't worry. The online system matches you with people that are as good as you (or as bad). And it's free. You just need a broadband connection, and if you don't have one you can buy this official thingy for £30 that lets you go online, somehow. Don't ask me for the details. And if you can't do that, Nintendo have set up 'Hotspots' around the nation(s). Eg MacDonalds, Game, and other public locations. And if you're not able to do THAT, even, then two things are true. One : you are a deprived loner of a human being. Two : there is a lot more fun to be had for the single player in MK DS. There are 8 cups, which is 4 more than Double Dash had. There are missions (no, really), and, best of all, you can play Battle Mode with the computer. Or, in this case, the DS. There are unlockable Karts and characters, editable Decals, and plenty more stuff.
Onto the tracks. This has 16 new tracks, most of which are excellent, and 16 retro tracks. Wait, what was that last bit?! YES! RETRO MARIO KART TRACKS! People like me (the young'ns) who have only played the recent Gamecube or GameBoy Advance MK games can now play the best 4 tracks from Mario Kart 64 and Super Mario Kart. GET IN! There's even FOUR retro cups! YAYS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
But this game only REALLY excels and reaches it's utmost potential when it goes online. The system is so simple, that I, a 12 year old, could basically set it up myself. So, before you get this, make ABSOLUTE SURE that you're allowed online. You should be. If so, get it. If not, get it anyway. There's enough here to satisfy you until Mario Kart Revolution, or something.
THE VERDICT :
94%
A great Mario Kart game, and the best DS game around. Get it. Now.
P.S : I, Marvellous G, will use the online system regularly. Look out for me, under the nickname SilverWolf (no space). I'm usually Yoshi in his Egg Kart, but just to make sure, my logo is three gold triangles (the Tri-Force to Zelda fans) with an S on the left and a W on the right. Good luck if you meet me : You're gonna need it! |
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Name : Star Wars Battlefront
Format : PS2, Xbox, maybe PC (I'm not sure about the last one)
Age Rating : 12+
Price : Around £19.99
Players : 1-2
Special : Online Play
THE REVIEW :
Have you ever pretended you were a Stormtrooper? A Clone Trooper? A Wookiee, even? No typo, it IS doble E on Wookiee. Well, ahve you? Nope, me neither. But you'll start to once you play this.
Star Wars Battlefront ONE, this is. A review of Two is underneath this. Right, first things first, I'm not allowed online with this. So the score would probably be higher if I was. Anyways, Battlefront lets you drive any tank, star ship, fighter, walker, scout thingy or bike you can see. You can play as the Clones, five of them, the Separatists, five of them, the Rebels, five again, or the Empire. Again, five. There are five different types of each faction, like Jet Trooper, Heavy Weapons, Sharpshooter (sniper), Pilot, Dark Trooper and so on.
Now, I wasn't a big fan of the vehicles in this, at least not the fighters, but the tanks and stuff are fun to drive, although they do make it slightly easy. The best bits are when you single-handedly steal an enemy tank when they're all busy shooting in the opposite direction, drive it to the nearest enemy Command Post (CP), get out of it, gun down the resistance, and capture the CP. Which I have done many times. Then, ten seconds later, reinforcements arrive. Just when you DON'T need them...
But, overall, this is a breathtaking game. Best bits? Well, stealing a command post as I explained above comes third, and there was this one moment when I was in a tank and a giant lser bolt rocketed past me inches to my left, withy the classic Star Wars PIIIiiiii-oooowww sound effect. It was great, so it takes second. But the two joint-first best SWB moments are : ANY battle on Kasshyk(?) Docks, I think. Best level in videogames EVAR, and the other thing is the HUGE firefights in the tunnels of Bespin Platforms. Grenades flying past your face, laser bolts ricocheting off walls, explosions RIGHT next to you that take out half of your health... Ahhh, good times...
THE VERDICT :
96%
The best Star Wars game ever made. End of.
STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT II
Name : Star Wars Battlefront 2
Format : PS2, Xbox, maybe PC
Age Rating : 12+
Players : 1-2
Special : Online
THE REVIEW :
Battlefront 1 vs Battlefront 2, eh? Well, I know who would win. Wait and see...
Battlefront 2 is a great game. It introduces playable 'heroes' (basically Jedi, Sith and Boba Fett) and space combat. Ah, space combat. While sounding epic, it takes the not-so-good bits of the original - star fighters - and builds entire levels around them. Oh dear.
The premise is great, and the only thing I wanted to do in the original : get in a ship, fly out of my hangar, engage in and win several dogfights, land in enemy's hangar, kill enemy(ies) and capture their CP. Yep, my bottom lip had hit the floor when I heard you could do this, too. But while it sounds great, the fighers are fiddly, and I can't seem to lock on with my missiles. Or, I can now, but only because I practiced. Lots. But it CAN be immene sometimes, because you can occasionally do what I said above. But not EVERY TIME, as depicted in the adverts and instruction manual, and on the box.
When I tell my friends the MAIN reason the Battlefront 1 is better, they look at me like I am a danger to their unborn children. I tell them it just doesn't FEEL as good to control as the first one. No, seriously! DON'T TURN AWAY, YOU IMBECILE! COME BACK! Right, good... The Clone Trooper's cross-hairs are circular, whereas before they were an oval. A little difference, but, in my opinion, a glaring fault. This one is no-where near as amazing in scale as the original.
Not to say that it's a bad game, though. It's still great fun. But you know something's wrong with a sequel when the best moments are had on the maps taken from the original. Which was, for me, the case here.
THE VERDICT :
92%
A great game, but it just ain't Star Wars Battlefront 1. |
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HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE (FILM) |
Name : Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Price : TBC
Age Rating : 12A
Format : Big screen only at the present
Release : TBC
THE REVIEW :
Okay, before we start, I just want to say that I have read all the books, really liked all six, but I think they are all hyped too much. Yes, they're really good but they're not the defining book of the last decade as everyone seems to think. But they are amazing! ;-)
On with the review. Goblet of Fire (GOF) was never my favourite of the books (Prisoner of Azkaban is) but I liked it all the same. But the film is the same : really enjoyable but inferior to the third. The third film and book were the best in my opinion. But this starts off quite creepily. Okay, SPOILER ALERT! UNLESS YOU'VE SEEN/READ GOF DO NOT READ THIS BIT!!! Remember the bit at the beginning, where the weird old guy goes into the huge house thinking it's 'b****y kids' but discovers it's Voldemort and goes all dead on us? Yeah? Well, that is depicted well in the film, with suitable menace and fear all around.
The new cast members are good, too. Cho Chang is Australian but it doesn't matter ; Cedric Diggory is completely different to how I imagined but now I realise that I was wrong ; the Death Eaters are suitably creepy (scarier than ol' Voldy himself during the Quidditch world cup bit with everyone screaming and them marching along[that really creeped me out]) and Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) are still three of the best cast actors/resses in recent films. So, on paper it's all great, and the film itself is very watchable, but it doesn't have the same magical feeling as the book. For that, it loses marks. There's nothing it could have done, really, but oh well. Life's not fair.
THE VERDICT :
79%
A good, solid representation of the book that is an enjoyable, watchable affair. It just seems to lack something. Oh well. SECTUMSEMPRA! |
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Name : Spider-Man The Movie
Age Rating : 12
Price : £6.99 (BARGAIN)
Format : DVD, Video
Running Time : 116 minutes approx
THE REVIEW :
This is Spider-Man ONE, not Two. Anyway...
As you may know by now, I love Spider-Man (Not the man, all the stuff associated with him). If not, check out the Ultimate Marvel page and you'll soon see the light. But I was worried about the film. I thought that they'd chosen the wrong cast and that they were trying to modernise it too much. Oh, how wrong I was.
Tobey Maguire(I think it's spellt like that) is someone I thought would be annoying from some of the adverts I saw. But Tobey, I salute you. You did an AMAZINGLY SPECTACULAR job of bringing the character of good ol' Spidey to life. Tobey get the Peter Parker side absolutely right, and completely nails Spidey himself. Kirsten Dunst also does a great job bringing Spidey's lover Mary-Jane to the big screen. Willem Dafoe the same with Norman Osborn. The best cast in a film for a long time, beating even the excellent representation of the Harry Potter characters. Basically, the cast get a big thumbs up and a 10/10 from me.
Now onto the plot. It looked terrible also, but again I was proved wrong. It is an interesting and creepy plot about Norman Osborn's transformation into the Green Goblin. It also somehow includes Peter Parker's change into your friendly, neighbourhood, Spider-Man. I found Uncle Ben's death was a lot more moving in this than in Ultimate Spider-Man Issue 1. So, plot gets 10/10 too. So far, so good.
My one small complaint is that the Green Goblin costume looks a bit like something from Goosebumps. Not saying that Goosebumps is bad, but... Actually, I kind of am. Oh well. Also, why does this film have to end? No fair!
THE VERDICT :
98%
Completely defied all of my expectations of a bad representation of Spidey's world. It seems like it just jumped from the very pages of a Marvel comic. It is my new favourite film EVER! I would say watch it, but you probably already have, so, umm, watch it again! And if you haven't seen it, rent it or buy it. Now I'm currently tracking down (or at least attempting to) a copy of Spider-Man 2 to enjoy. Until then, I'm gonna keep watching this! |
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Name : Spider-Man 2
Age Rating : PG
Format : DVD, VHS
Price : N/A
THE REVIEW :
Okay, after the first one, I really WAS expecting big things from this. And, oh, was I right! This is, I have to say, the greatest film I have ever had the fortune to enjoy. I am not worthy! It carries off, well... Not REALLY where the original left off. It's two years later, and Mary-Jane Watson's moved away from Peter Parker as he displayed no interest at the end of Spidey 1. So, Peter's all annoyed, as MJ's gone and got herself a boyfriend, a job and much more. And the boyfriend is J.J's (J. Jonah Jameson's) son, and astronaut. There is one cheesy line based on this, as when MJ and him are sharing a moment he declares that, "Wow, I'm on the moon again!" Yes, I puked too. Bu anyway, the character is reasonably likable, if minor. So, the other major addition to the cast is quite a main character. Doctor Octopus! Alfred Molina plays him exceptionally well, but even better as the helpless scientist Otto Octavius under the creepy arms he's invented control.
So, the cast are, yet again, spot on. But now there's the case of my one gripe with Spidey 1 : The Goosebumps-esque bad-guy costume. Well, that's been sorted out too, so fear not. Doc Ock's arms are beautifully done with CGI or something, and it looks real AND eerie. Ugh. The humour is also great, with a brilliant JJ line. Peter tells him that he needs extra money, and JJ tells his secretary, "Get me a violin." That brings me on to some one that I didn't mention with the cast, even though he's one of the best actors. J.K Simmons plays Jonah Jameson, who is hilarious in every way. He seems to have better lines than Spidey himself in BOTH films, which is very funny in my book. He is an extremely talented actor, and a supremely talented comedian. What a guy!
Overall, this film is, as I have said, the best film I have ever seen. Being a major Spider-Fan, I admit to being biased, but who cares? This film has received rave reviews from most newspapers, showing that not only fan-boys will love it. It is emotionally powerful, has amazing action sequences (just look at the 'Train' sequence!) and is true to the comics. Which is, essentially, the key thing.
THE VERDICT :
98%
Sure to please film fans and Spider-Fans equally, this is the best film I have ever seen. Now I just have to wait (at the time of writing) 514 days, 7 hours, 20 minutes and 20 seconds until Spider-Man 3 is released on May the 4th, 2007. That will overtake this in the film rankings, especially if Carnage is the villain. He still scares me. Peace out, and MAKE MINE MARVEL! |
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THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA : THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE |
Name : The Chronicles of Narnia : The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
Format : Cinema
Age Rating : PG
THE REVIEW :
Fans of the book have been waiting for years for the technology to be good enough for some one to make a GREAT Narnia film. Sure, the first one was okay, but it all looked FAKE. Thanks to the heavenly wonders that are computers, every Narnia fan has finally got waht they've been waiting for : an amazing representation of the books.
I was VERY sceptical about this only a week ago, but I was forced to go and see it. Being the boy I was, I was looking forward to the battle scenes. The odd thing is, they were great, but the rest of the movie was so full of great moments that I almost forgot them. ALMOST. It's still great to see waves of people, creatures and pointy bits of metal clashing into each other at speed. This review is gonna be slightly short, but I wanna stress that you owe it to yourself to see this film, fan of the books or not. But then, who doesn't love Narnia?!
Aslan is voiced by Liam Neeson of Star Wars fame, and the CGI really does make him seem majestic and amazing, just like he was in the books. The kids are well cast, as are the bad guys, as are the good guys. The Queen is frightening, Mr Tumlus is great and almost everything is perfect. There's nothing specifically wrong, actually there's nothing wrong at all with this film. Basically, this is the film Harry Potter 4 wanted to be, but ultimately wasn't. It couldn't ever have been, as it lacks the magic of a tale in which the main characters are a large cat, an evil woman and an oversized bit of furniture. I'm being serious, this is a magic film with an amazing cast that you really should see. Go do it now.
THE VERDICT : 92%
Everything about the books that was great all squeezed into a magic 2 and a half hours. The film Harry Potter wanted to be, but couldn't. Go figure. |
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PETER JACKSON'S KING KONG : THE OFFICIAL GAME OF THE MOVIE |
Name : Peter Jackson's King Kong : The Official Game of the Movie
Format : All
Age Rating : 12+ / Teen
Price : £34.99
I am reviewing the Playstation 2 version.
THE REVIEW :
You stumble round a corner and reload your Thompson machine gun.
"One clip left," you mutter to yourself.
"Hey Jack, over here!" your one remaining ally calls. You jog up towards him, panting as if you've just run a marathon. As soon as you see his face, you are glad. He is smiling, rather than that look of horror you've grown all too accustomed to over the past 24 hours. He is pointing towards a biplane that is going throught the final landing procedures. Your face lights up, an you laugh with relief. They've finally found you, after all this time! At last, out of this hell-hole! You and your ally run towards the plane, but you suddenly hear and feel the one thing that could make this moment seem in any way bad. You know that sound, you have felt the vibrations along the ground that accompany it before. Yes, you have already met one T-Rex. One too many. Scared now, not wanting to have to engage another extinct species in battle, you and your friend sprint towards the plane. Out of nowhere, an enormous green head comes out of the undergrowth. It lets out an almighty roar that almost knocks you over. The plane takes off again, leaving you and your friend to fight another T-Rex on this terrible island. As you are thinking all of this, the T-Rex leans over an bites your head off. You're dead. Oh well, let's start again...
This is but one of the amazing set-pieces that make up the wonderful thrill-ride that is King Kong. But this is no average game. This wants you to forget that you're playing a game, where if you die it's all all right, you can just try again. No, King Kong is real. As real as any game has ever been yet. There is no health bar, no ammo display. The only thing on the screen is you, the jungle and the dinos. When a T-Rex stomps, you hear it with brilliant sound effects and you feel it as the controller vibrates enough to knock it out of your hands if you're not careful. It's genuinely terrifying at times, and you almost find yourself weeping as you are attacked by a hundred spiders that swarm all over the screen, obscuring your vision. I'd just like to say, this is the first game I've played that's actually made me talk (or scream) while I was playing it. It really sucks you in. Once, when my team mates were telling me to,
"Just distract that T-Rex for a minute while we open this gate," I forgot they weren't real and said,
"Oh, fair deal..." into my TV. And no, I'm not a psycho.
Another frighteningly real moment was when I was casually walking through the jungle without my weapon drawn (a rare occasion for me) and two GIANT centipede, millipede type things jumped at me out of nowhere. I actually recoiled and let out a girly scream. This game is ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYINGLY TERRIFIC, I have to say.
The bad thing is, I completed it in about five hours. Oh dear. I WOULD give it a higher score than the one I'm about to give it, but I know the replay value will eventually deteriorate. I only completed it about twenty minutes ago, so at the minute I'd give it about 95%. But that's only because I haven't got bored with it yet. And I won't for a week or two. I'll explain why.
It is terrifying in the most exhilirating way possible, making you grin at the same time as scream. It's wonderful, cinematic and beautiful to look at. The graphics could be mistaken for next-gen (almost) and the voice acting is completely awesome. The sound effects seem to have come STRAIGHT out of the cinema, and it all just seems to work. It's repetitive, but I don't care as the things it repeats are fantastic. My one complaint is that it is WAY too short. Oh well, I suppose all good things have to coem to an end and it IS actually longer than the film. A fantastic game completely worth buying, and if not that AT LEAST worth a rent. Play it now. Go on, you know you want to.
THE VERDICT : 93%
Amazing and terrifying at the same time, a contender for THE GAME OF 2005 if ever I saw one. |
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Name : Sonic Rush
Format : Nintendo DS
Age Rating : Everyone
Price : £29.99
THE REVIEW :
Back to back, let's spin it on it's back! Back to back, let's turn it on it's back! DUN DUN DUN, DUN-DUN! DUN- ahem... That is my favourite tune from Sonic Rsuh, game with great music, great gameplay and even greater SPEED! Just think : Sonic is faster than a Ferrari when he's jogging, so if he's in a RUSH how fast would that be?! Yikes!
So, my first Sonic game. After reading several RAVE REVIEWS I decided to pick it up on the same day as I did Mercenaries, actually in the same shop... Anyway, Mercenaries took me a WEEK to complete (with cheats) whereas this took me about one and a half months (without cheats). So, I only fully completed it today, which is a good length of time for a game to last. Anyway, onto the actual game. So, it's kind of like the Sonic Advance games, only faster and across two screens. Virtually no touch-screen features in the main game, this is all about the speed. And in that area at least, it delivers. This game is so blisteringly fast that it will have you clenching your backside and grinding your teeth together like you're on Space Mountain : Mission 2. Yikes again. So,this IS as fast as the box will no doubt tell you, and it's one heckuva lot of fun.
The stages are varied, fun and challenging, and they don't just force you to press right and A to complete them. The Special Stages use the Touch Screen, and the last one will have you ripping out enough hair to fill up some kind of hair ocean. This will be too tough for some, but not me, Commander! Ahem... Anyway, this is the best DS game by MILES, and the tunes are so excellent that I can't stop humming Back To Back for a second. Ace.
THE VERDICT :
96%
Wow. The best DS game by far, with an excellent soundtrack and a long-lasting single player, this really is something special. |
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