Red necks - Read untill your heart is content. - Hobbies

You Might be a Redneck... 29 Out of 30

If 29 out of the thirty words you use aren't in
the dictionary.

You're a Redneck If... Mother-in-Law

When you hear the phrase 'Take the trash out', you
turn around and shoot your mother-in-law.

You might be a Redneck if... Tree

You might be a Redneck if you use the same tree
your dog does.

You Might be a Redneck If... Pool

You might be a redneck if you have a bathtub in
your backyard for a swimming pool!

You Might be a Red Neck if.....

You might just be a red neck if you house has
wheels and your car doesn't.

Redneck Stove

You might be a redneck if you still have to put wood in the stove.

Fertility

Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?

They would tell the women to try another brother.

You Might Be a Redneck If...

You might be redneck if you can french kiss your
girlfriend without parting your teeth.

Redneck Chicken Trading

Two rednecks meet on the street, one asks the
other, 'hey Billy what you got in that bag?'
The second redneck replies, 'I got chickens in
there.'
The first one goes, 'if I guess how many will you
give me, half of them?'
'Yeap if you guess i'll give you both of them.'
Bob guesses Five?

Wings on Flies

Do you know why flies have wings?

So they can beat the hillbillies to the
watermelon.

Bar

Three guys walk into a bar the fourth one ducked.

Cowboys and Baseball Caps

Why do cowboys wear baseball caps?

So they won't be mistaken for a truck driver.

Buck Tooth

You know your a redneck when you can eat corn-on-
the cob through a fence

Southern Foreplay

What do you call foreplay in Alabama?

'Hey sis, you awake?'

Ceiling Fans

You might be a redneck if your date's hairdo gets
into the ceiling fan. You definitely are a redneck
if it breaks the blades off of the fan!

Why Did the Redneck

Why did the redneck cross the road?

Because he wanted to sleep in the ditch on the
other side.

You May be a Yankee...

If you call binoculars opera glasses, you might be
a Yankee.

You Might be a Redneck if... Family

You might be a redneck if your family is half your
town's population!

Redneck Computer Lingo

Data Base = You can't go out with the short stop.

Processor = The guy who puts the eviction notice
on your trailer.

Hard Drive = From the County road to Grandma's
house in the swamp.

Floppy Drive = Bringing Grandma out of the swamp
without her bra.

Monitor = the guy in the hall at school.

Motherboard = she ain't got a boyfriend.

Spread Sheet = what Moma puts on the bed for a new
boy friend.

SCSI = So?

UNIX = I still got mine!

Dog Bar

So, a three legged dog walks into a bar and says,
'I'm looking for the guy that shot my paw.'

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I am always working on this site so if alot of stuff is missing still vote.

washington

daewoo182@yahoo.com

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Page Updated Sun Apr 18, 1999 9:21pm EDT